I wish I had never woken up with amnesia (Michael Clifford)

Some people wish to wake up with amnesia so they can forget about how much they are hurting.

All I wish is that I could have remembered .... Remembered that he had hurt me. That way I would never have fallen in love with him again

To know him, is to love him. But I never knew that Michael was the person who could love me and break me into thousand pieces at the same time

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30. 27

"Are you sure you will be OK?" We pull up outside the house and Luke turns off the ignition

"I'll be fine, I just need sleep and I need to decide what I'm doing next. I just need some space from all of this. I might go and stay with auntie Maureen for a few days. This isn't fair on Maddison and Ashton, hes leaving soon so they will want some time together. I'll probably make them feel awkward" 

"Chloe you've just found out whats happened and you're worried about what Maddison is going through? what about what you're going through? You need someone to talk to, you know you can talk to me don't you?"

I look at Luke and his kind face is enough to make me smile, its not a real smile. I don't feel like I have any emotion right now but I don't want him to worry about me 

"i'll call you tomorrow, thank you Luke. For everything" I kiss his cheek and get out of the car. I open the front door but the house is in darkness 

"hello?" I weakly call out 

The living room door opens and he walks into the hallway 

"Maddison has gone to stay at Ashtons so we can talk"

His face is tear stained and my heart breaks just looking at him, I want to reach out and hold him, I want him to hold me and tell me all this is a nightmare and that its not happening. But it is happening, and no matter what I do this is reality 

"Michael please just leave, I'm going to bed. Close the door behind you"

I walk up the first few steps and he holds my arm to stop me but his touch feels like I'm being electrocuted and I abruptly pull away. He looks hurt and I take a deep breath

"I'm not going anywhere until you speak to me so go to bed but i'll be waiting here, I will get you to talk to me" He says defiantly and I know he wont leave unless I absolutely make him. I walk back down the stairs and into the kitchen. I open a bottle of wine and turn around to face him

"OK, you want to talk lets talk. How was she? was she good? Was she better than me? was she worth destroying everything we had? what the hell have we got to talk about?" I don't shout, I don't feel like I even have the energy to. He walks closer but I put my hand to stop him, I need distance between us right now

"It wasn't about being better Chloe, It was the fact that I was losing you and it was true that I got drunk and it happened. We went back to my house for drinks and one thing lead to another. But she wasn't better because that was a stupid one night stand, what we have has always been so much more. Its been a connection. No one can make me feel the way you do" 

"back up there, It happened in your bed? The same bed I was sleeping in only a few days ago? How sick are you? Get out I mean it" 

"Chloe please what can I do to make this right?" He stands there crying and my tears just fall, two broken people in the same room. Two people that desperately want to love each other but too much has happened and neither of us can repair this damage 

"when did you kiss her?" 

he sits down at the table and puts his head in his hands as he cries. I open the wine and pour myself a glass 

"Michael when?" 

"it was new years eve"

I start to shake and I run my hand through my hair, pulling at it in frustration 

"new years eve?" 

"After the party at your auntie Maureens we went back to mine and Sophie followed. We was all watching a film and you and Luke had both fallen to sleep on opposite settees, She kissed me and I didn't stop it"

"So when did you have sex with her?"

Hes crying so much that hes trying to get his breath but I'm so angry

"when?" I scream through my own tears 

"It was July sometime, I don't know the date"

I hold my stomach as it feels like the oxygen has been knocked out of me. The room spins and I feel like I could be sick. He stands up and kneels on the floor in front of me. His hands holding my waist

"I will do anything not to lose you, We are young but marry me? come on tour with me? I'll do anything. Any commitment you want I will give you. Please Chloe think about what we had, what we will be losing. I need you, I need you so much. I've grown up these last few weeks because I know that I cant lose you. Please don't leave me. I cant live in this world knowing you are in it but we aren't together" he rests his head against my hips and I hold onto his shoulders as my body shakes from this unbearable pain 

"They say you have one soul mate in this world and I have fallen in love with mine twice. But its too late Michael, its too late. I cant forgive you. you've broken my heart and just looking at you is killing me" I pull the ring off my finger and push it into his hand

"I should have just let you go the first time I found out you was going on tour. I pushed you away and I should have let you go. But now I'm doing that Michael. I'm setting you free" he stands up and looks at the ring and then back at me 

"This cant be over, I cant let you go. Chloe I love you. Don't do this to me I beg you, please. This isn't over"

"It was over the minute you kissed Sophie, please get out" I turn around and he tries to hold my arm to pull me to him But I tense up and don't move 

"please leave, I cant even look at you" I yell more harshly and nasty then I intended. He ruined us but for some ridiculous reason I cant stand to see him in pain

He puts the ring on the kitchen counter but I don't look at him

"You are my heartbeat, I will never stop loving you. I'm so sorry. If I could turn back the clock I would but I cant. Never forget that I love you, I always have, I always will" He turns and leaves. He has no more fight in him and neither do I. I hear the front door shut and I fall to the floor, hes taken my soul with him and I'm nothing but an empty shell without him. How am I ever going to get through this?


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