I wish I had never woken up with amnesia (Michael Clifford)

Some people wish to wake up with amnesia so they can forget about how much they are hurting.

All I wish is that I could have remembered .... Remembered that he had hurt me. That way I would never have fallen in love with him again

To know him, is to love him. But I never knew that Michael was the person who could love me and break me into thousand pieces at the same time

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22. 21

"Chloe say something?" I can barely hear his voice, I dont know what to say? Should I beg him to stay? I don't want him to go. No I cant put him in that position 

"Its great, wow I'm so happy for you. Really I am. Three weeks, That's soon isn't it?" I'm a terrible liar

"Chloe tell me how you really feel, please" I look at him and he looks upset too but there's nothing I can do, If I sit here and cry I'm going to make him feel bad. If I lie to him it might make this whole process easier, on us both. Hes leaving and I don't know what this means, Although I think we both know that we cant stay together? four months without seeing him. That's not even a relationship, that's just hoping 

"I'm OK, really. We are going to be OK I know it. You're going on tour Michael, this is just the start of something amazing for you. You know, We should celebrate? Yes lets celebrate" My voice sounds all high pitched and not like mine at all. I'm panicking, I think I'm going into panic attack mode. I stand at the end of the stairs and I can hear Maddison singing

"Although we've come to the end of the road, still I cant let go. It so natural you belong to me, I belong to you"


I try and suppress my laughter as I walk up the stairs and into her room. I open the door and shes holding her can of hairspray using it as a microphone and singing to Ashton. He look part amused part petrified 

"Maddison you are killing a boys to men classic! I was going to say we should go and celebrate the good news of the tour but you are far too drunk" I tut and she pouts 

"I'm not drunk and yes lets go out, lets not invite Laura though" she covers her mouth and giggles 

"don't be a cow" I scold her. I call Laura's name and Maddison sticks her tongue out at me. Laura walks into the bedroom


"Fancy coming out tonight? we can have a mid week farewell drink for you and also celebrate the tour?" 

Laura looks at Maddison 

"Sure, if you want me there?"

"of course we do, Don't we Maddison" I say whilst giving my drunken friend a death stare 

"Sure, Of course we do" Maddison gives her fake smile and I sigh 

"Go get ready, shall we all aim to be out in say, two hours?" I ask Laura. she nods and leaves the room 

"Maddison, stop making this hard" I beg her and she rolls her eyes walking past me into the bathroom 

"you OK Chloe" Ashton asks and I sit down next to him on the bed 

"Can I ask you a question?"

"of course you can" He says kindly and I smile

"Do you think you and Maddison will last? Even though you wont be together? The distance is quite big isn't it?"

"I think what will be will be and if two people want to make it work then they will. Also if two people are meant to be with each other then not even distance can change that. You and Michael will be OK, he loves you. You know that right?" I wipe a tear off my face and smile at him. I kiss his cheek and go back down to the kitchen. Michael is writing something in his diary and I sit down next to him. He pushes a calendar towards me he must have found 

"Everywhere I will be I've wrote down on your calendar. I was thinking we could try and meet one weekend every month? I will be making money and I can help with the price of the plane tickets? Maybe Maddison could come out too?" I smile at his enthusiasm not wanting to ruin this moment 

"Well by then I might have the money from the diner?" I say hopefully. He puts the pen down and holds my hand 

"See, we can make this work if we try Chloe. We can"

I look in his eyes and I believe him, of course we can. If its what we both want then we will make it work 


Michael gets into my bed as I get ready 

"where we going?"

Maddison puts her head around the door and she still looks drunk, even after a shower and two cups of coffee 

"I was thinking beer and a game of pool?" I look at Michael and he grins 

Maddison opens up my wardrobe 

"Can I borrow something of yours? I don't have many jeans?" she already draped four pairs over her arm so I don't see the point in asking 

"Go ahead" 

she leaves and I get into bed pulling the duvet over me and Michael 

"Are you going to stay tonight?" I ask him shyly 

"of course I am, we'll go for a drink then come back. I want to see you as much as I can over the next three weeks" He leans forward and kisses my nose 

"That's a deal" 

I eventually get dressed. I choose skinny jeans, a white vest top with a open checked shirt over the top and my good old trusted converse. I do my make up and decide that I'm fed up of trying to hide my bald spot so I leave my hair down and put on a beanie hat

"You look beautiful like that" he says and I turn around to face him 

"Like what?"

"just dressed down, you look cute" he smiles and I turn back around so he cant see me blushing. Its silly really. We have been together for two years, Not that I can remember but that's not the point 

"What shall I wear Saturday, You said it was a formal thing? Shall I wear a dress?" I look through my wardrobe but I cant see anything really appropriate  

"A dress sounds good. You nervous about my meeting my family again?"

I nod my head and take a deep breath. He said they liked me but I'm still scared

"we are ready to go" Maddison shouts from the hallway and Michael holds my hand as we leave the house and walk to the bar

Luke and Calum are already there and I walk over and give them a hug, I feel so sad that I cant remember them and whats worse is that they are leaving before I will get to know them again. We find a table and the boys play pool and the atmosphere between Maddison, Laura and I is strained as neither of them are backing down. We have four pitchers of beer on the table and I pour myself a drink. I watch Michael and I cant help but smile as he laughs and jokes with Luke

"Your sister is here" Laura whispers and I turn to look at the door. In walks Sophie and her friend who I don't recognize 

"step sister" I correct Laura. Sophie sees us and walks over 

"Hey, Can we join you? I saw Calum had checked into here on Facebook and hes hot" She giggles and I roll my eyes as she pulls up a chair before I can even answer. Ashton whispers something to Luke and they both look over. Luke smiles at me and I smile back. Laura says hello but Maddison doesn't acknowledge Sophie or her friend. Great, even more people to add the atmosphere. I thought this was meant to be a fun night? 

I go over and stand by Michael taking my drink with me 

"whats she doing here?" He whispers and I shrug 

"don't you like her?"

"she just always follows the band about, its just weird she showed up here that's all" he says whilst resetting the balls up. I look at Sophie and shes readjusting her top so it shows off more cleavage and she laughs at something Calum says

"Don't forget i'll be back for our date next year" Luke puts his arm around me clearly changing the subject and I frown 


"yeah the new star wars is coming out"

"what?" I shriek "are you winding me up? there's a new star wars? that's crazy! And we are going together?"

"yeah I promised you we would, its only me and you that really like it. We spent so many afternoons in the apartment watching them, much to Michaels boredom" he laughs and I turn around and hug him 

"whats that for?" he laughs and I pull away and shrug 

"I don't know, I just, I'm going to miss you I know that"

He bites his lip ring and smiles as I ruffle his hair 

"woah be careful Michael, Looks like you have competition" I look over at Sophie who is opposite us leaning on the pool table with her boobs pushed up to her chin. Michael narrows his eyes at her and I look at Luke 

"Come on Michael lets go and get some shots, everyone up for a tequila?" Luke says whilst taking Michael with him to the bar 

"its your mom that doesn't like him, you are my sister Chloe, I want to get on with your boyfriend" she says sweetly and I warily smile at her

"Just don't get too drunk Sophie, it will be me that gets the blame"

The rest of the evening goes well but Michael doesn't seem himself so we say our goodbyes and go back to my house. Laura and Maddison have stayed so we have the house to ourselves. we sit in the living room and I put on the television. Michael still isn't talking 

"OK, I'm not a mind reader whats going on?"



he gestures for me to sit next to him so I do 

"Its hard to talk about because you wont know the answer"

I look at him confused. Why is he being so cryptic? 

"Can you please just talk to me" I say frustrated  

"well I always thought you and Luke had a thing, not that you had an affair, just that you was better suited then we are. You like the same things, he makes you laugh, you have more in common .." he trails off and I shake my head 

"I don't think star wars is a reason to think we like each other. Is this about what Sophie said, because believe me no one pays attention to her. That I can remember"

He smiles and pulls me on top of him 

"I'm just being silly ignore me" he whispers and I kiss him, Hopefully putting any doubt he has to the back of his mind 

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