I wish I had never woken up with amnesia (Michael Clifford)

Some people wish to wake up with amnesia so they can forget about how much they are hurting.

All I wish is that I could have remembered .... Remembered that he had hurt me. That way I would never have fallen in love with him again

To know him, is to love him. But I never knew that Michael was the person who could love me and break me into thousand pieces at the same time

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15. 14

We pull up outside Auntie Maureen's and Ken doesn't turn the ignition off 

"aren't you coming in?" 

"no, I have had a new building contract come in this morning so I'm going to look over that. Plus Maureen has been phoning us everyday, I think its best if she sees you alone"

"OK, well thank you for the lift. Sorry that mom will probably be be in a foul mood when you get back" I smile at him sadly 

"I think I can put up with your mother" he winks at me and this makes me laugh 

"Here I have something for you" I frown as he takes his wallet out and hands me one hundred dollars 

"I don't want that" I say appalled and push it back at him but he pushes it into my hands 

"Chloe you have savings but I cant see you struggle. I've transferred three hundred into your bank account and enough money to cover two months rent"

I shake my head grateful but shocked

"Why would you do that?"

"Because you're a good kid and I'm proud to be in your life"

We both smile at each other awkwardly and I lean forward to hug him 

"Thank you ken"

"Let me know if you need picking up later OK?"

I promise to call tomorrow and I walk up the path and knock the door. When auntie Maureen answers she bursts into tears and pulls me into a hug. I cant help but cry too. This house has been more of a home to me then the one I shared with mom and I love that this place is so familiar to me. She leads me into the living room and I frown as I see the curtains are closed

"Its a lovely day are you sure you don't want them open?"

"No, please Chloe no" she panics and I sit down next to her on the settee 

"Hey" I soothe "Come on talk to me, whats going on?"

"I cant cope without him Chloe I still miss him so much, I hate facing people alone I just want him back. And then then I thought I had lost you but I haven't. You're here. I've missed you so much, I've felt so lonely"

I hold auntie Maureen in my arms and let her cry, I cry myself but discretely wipe my eyes. This is about auntie Maureen this isn't about me 

"I'm ready to start back at the diner, this week in fact" I smile at her and she takes a deep breath 

"sweetie, the diner is up for sale"

I feel the color drain from my face, this cant he happening. Its not about my job its about the fact uncle Paul had that before I was born. When I was little I remember cleaning off tables and then when I was old enough I became a waitress on the weekends. The diner was American themed and uncle Paul would play rock and roll music. 

"Auntie Maureen please don't do this, that place reminds me so much of Uncle Paul"

she wipes away my tears with her thumb and smiles at me kindly 

"Chloe that place is just bricks and water. Your uncle and I wasn't lucky to be blessed with children but it didn't matter, we had you and you was like our daughter" Its true, I even have my own bedroom here 

"It would break Paul's heart to know you was stuck in that diner twenty four seven. That is why Chloe in his will he left you sixty per cent of the building. As soon as its sold you will have the money and I know you will spend it well. Maybe even go back into education?"

This is all too much to take in 

"I don't want any money" 

surely I would have known about this when he passed away and the fact I carried on working there tells me I didn't want to let go of the diner and I still don't. I decide to not talk about it anymore, its obvious auntie Maureen is fragile and I don't want to push her. I persuade her to sit in the garden with me and she makes us a pitcher of pink lemonade. We sit side by side on the sun loungers and I stretch out letting the sun warm my skin, this feels nice 

"So tell me, whats going on with you and that young man of yours" she asks gently and I turn on my side to face her 

"Did I bring him round here often?"

"more than often" she laughs "You, Maddison and the boys were always here. They practiced in the garage for a few months and they even helped clean the pool and we would have barbecues here. Paul was very fond of them.That calum is a lovely looking boy, if only I was twenty years younger" she smiles to herself and I grin at her, I wish I could remember that, it sounds fun 

"Your mom called me and told me about what he did, between me and you she sounded happy about it. she was a young bride when she married your father, she was twenty and then she had you when she was twenty two. I think your mother always thought that would be your life too. Settle down young. You know what shes like. Anyway I think she wanted you to be with someone like Adam, he was a sensible boy, not that Michael isn't sensible but hes a musician and I think your mom wanted you to be with a future lawyer or a business man"

I burst out laughing, yes that does sound like my mom 

"I don't know what to do auntie Maureen, I mean I care for him I know I do but what if he does it again? and hes going on a European tour soon. I cant remember him breaking my heart, but I know I can feel the pain of it"

she squeezes my hand 

"I never told anyone this, mostly because it wasn't a memory I liked to remember but when your uncle and I got together, a few months later he went on a lads holiday to Perth. Whilst he was there he got drunk and did the same thing Michael did"

What? How could have uncle Paul do such a thing? I don't say anything, I let her carry on 

"I obviously broke up with him, I was so angry with him Chloe. But he wouldn't give up and eventually he won me back over much to my parents annoyance. But do you know why I forgave him?"

She looks at me and I shake my head 

"why?" I whisper 

"Because it was easier to forgive him then live a life without him"

I don't need to say anything, in this moment I know that auntie Maureen understands

"You know, I have some chicken and some burgers in the freezer. Why don't you get Maddison, Laura and the boys on the phone. I haven't seen them in a few weeks and it would be lovely to have you all here for tea. We can have a barbecue, a little party now your out of hospital"

she stands up and I try to protest 

"But auntie Maureen we was meant to be having space from each other?"

she looks down at me kindly 

"Chloe anyone can forgive, why prolong your pain when you can build bridges now and at least be friends?"

She goes into the house and I pull my phone out of my jeans pocket. Hes sent me the videos I asked for and I scroll through them and then pick one. I'm wearing a Rudolph jumper and we are sitting in front of a Christmas tree both wearing Christmas hats. Hes strumming on his guitar and I'm singing to him 

"Michael all I want for Christmas is you" I sing whilst laughing and he grins at me 

"You're no Mariah Carey Miss Goldman but I love you anyway" 

"Why thank you Mr Clifford" I grin at him. He puts the guitar down and jumps on me kissing me in the process and I hear someone say "put her down Michael" but they to are laughing and then the video ends. 

So we spent the holidays together? Christmas is my favorite time of the year. We really was crazy about one another I can see that, I just wish I could remember it! I take a deep breath as I call him, I want him here and I cant deny that 

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