I wish I had never woken up with amnesia (Michael Clifford)

Some people wish to wake up with amnesia so they can forget about how much they are hurting.

All I wish is that I could have remembered .... Remembered that he had hurt me. That way I would never have fallen in love with him again

To know him, is to love him. But I never knew that Michael was the person who could love me and break me into thousand pieces at the same time

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14. 13

My phone ringing fills the room and I sit up quickly and lean over Michael to get it off the beside table. The name mom flashes up on the screen and I sigh

"Hello?"

"Good morning. We'll be leaving in half hour to come and get you for your appointment. You are dressed aren't you?"

I look down at Michael who is still fast asleep and I take this moment to watch him. His chest rises and falls slowly and he looks so peaceful. I lean down and softly kiss his forehead and he stirs beneath my touch

"Chloe?" Moms snaps and I'm brought back to reality. I haven't got enough time to get home

"I'm actually at the beach, I went for a walk. Can you pick me up from there?"

"Why are you at the beach?" She scolds

"Because it's a nice day" I answer as politely as I can

"fine, wait by the front pier entrance. We will see you in forty minutes"

"Thanks mom. See you soon"

I get out of bed as quietly as I can and grab my toothbrush out of the drawer and pick my clothes up off the floor. I walk into the bathroom and there's a towel hanging up. I have the quickest shower ever and pull on last nights clothes that luckily aren't that creased. I brush my teeth and tie my hair up. I look at my watch I have ten minutes to get to the pier. When I walk back into the bedroom Michael opens his eyes

"You aren't leaving are you" he asks sleepily and I don't want to leave

"I have to go the doctors"

He sits up and looks concerned

"What's wrong? You're ok aren't you?"

I smile, touched by his concern

"I'm fine, it's just a check up"

he goes to get out of bed

"No please don't get up, stay in bed. I'll message you later" I tell him

I stand at the door awkwardly

"Michael, can you send me those videos please?"

He looks at his phone then back at me

"Are you sure you want me to?"

I nod my head

"I want to see them, it might help me remember things"

I open the door and turn back to look at him

"I really do believe I will remember Michael"

"And I really do believe I will lose you again if you do" he replies and I can hear the pain in his voice. I leave the apartment and literally run to the pier. Two minutes later mom and ken pull up. I climb into the back and I'm surprised to see Sophie sitting in the car too

"Is this is a family outing?" I laugh and Sophie rolls her eyes

"I haven't got work today seen as I work for my dad and he's here" she replies sulkily and I look out of the window. Shes eighteen now even though I remember her being sixteen but she hasn't matured at all. In fact I think she's more hard work than she used to be. I look over at her, she's dyed her hair black and she's wearing thick eye liner. She's wearing a skirt and vest top that shows off too much cleavage, I get the feeling she doesn't like me much

"What?" She snaps and I shake my head

"Did you enjoy your morning at the beach dear?" Ken asks and I smile. I like ken. He's always been kind to me and I must admit he's always spoilt me. I don't remember my dad at all seen as I was a baby when he died but ken has been an amazing step father to me

"I did thank you, it was nice to be somewhere I can remember" he turns to smile at me and I actually feel bad for lying

"I hope you wasn't at the beach on the pretence you would bump into Michael, not after he nearly killed you" mom tuts and suddenly I don't feel bad about lying

"Mom, that's a little dramatic don't you think? He didn't nearly kill me. It was the fact I walked into a road and got hit by a car"

She turns around to face me and let's out a baffled laugh

"Well if you think about forgiving him then think again. Over my dead body" she shouts at me and I lean back into my chair

"Janet, leave the girl alone" ken warns my mom and she turns back around. My eyes fill with tears but I won't let her see me cry. I'm used to this. Mom bossing me around. That's why I was grateful when ken came into our lives, he got the brunt of her bad mood. No wonder I wanted to move out when I was eighteen

We pull up at the doctors office and I roll my eyes when everyone follows me inside. Mom goes to the reception to check me in and I sit down. Ken leans over

"You ok pumpkin?"

I smile, he always used to call me this

"Overwhelmed actually" I slightly shrug and he pats my hand. After twenty minutes my name is called and mom stands up

"You're coming in?" I ask her confused

"Of course I am"

I bite my tongue and walk into the doctors office

"I'm doctor hannah brown, pleased to meet you Chloe" I shake her hand and she gestures for me and my mom to sit down. I take a seat opposite her and take a deep breath

"So how are you feeling? This is just a routine check up don't be nervous" she says kindly and I try and stop being so tense

"I'm good thank you. Physically I feel fine, my memories still haven't come back though"

"We are going to try you with occupational therapy, sometimes, not in all cases this can help you remember some of the memories you have lost. How do you feel about that?"

I shake my head

"Actually doctor brown I don't want it"

She frowns and I can see mom hold onto her chair

"Chloe, don't be so ridiculous" mom says through gritted teeth but I don't look at her

"Chloe why don't you want it?" Doctor brown asks confused but not judgemental

"Because it's only two years, and I know in that time my uncle passed away and I've grieved again for him and I know that a relationship I had broke down and again I think I've grieved for that. All I want now is to move forward, maybe remembering will just set me back, and I'm fine with not knowing"

Doctor brown nods her head

"Well that's a mature way to look at it, I can't force you to make a decision. Maybe therapy would help but as your doctor I respect your decision"

Mom gets up and leaves the room and I bite my lip, what can I say other than I'm embarrassed by her behaviour. The doctor doesn't say anything instead she checks my stitches, she tells me they are healing well and they should be dissolved in two weeks so she makes me an appointment to come back then. I stand up to leave

"One more thing before you leave, your Depo-Provera injection runs out Friday so we could do it now?"

I look at her confused

"My what?"

"The contraceptive injection"

My eyes widen and I cough as my breath hitches

"Oh, ok. Hmmm. Sure?"

"If you aren't sexually active you don't have to have it though I always urge my younger patients to think carefully"

I nod my head

"Well I'm not active now, I don't know if I will be?" Oh my gosh this is so embarrassing. Ten minutes later I've had the injection and a stern talking to about the safety of contraception and I leave the doctors office a crimson colour. Ken stands up when he sees me

"Are you ok?" He looks worried and I try and fan my face down

"Oh, yeah. Just a bit sore from where she poked my stitches"

Actually I'm sore from where she just poked me with a needle!

"Where's mom?" I look around the waiting room

"She's taken Sophie shopping. Shall I take you home?" He looks embarrassed but moms childish behaviour doesn't surprise me anymore

"Actually I want to go and see auntie Maureen"

We make our way to the car and I think I've made the right decision. I don't want to remember my old memories, I want to make new ones, and I think I would like to make them with Michael. It feels on one hand like Im rushing this but then again it also feels right to be with him. I don't know what to do so I decide to not do anything but leave it up to fate

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