I wish I had never woken up with amnesia (Michael Clifford)

Some people wish to wake up with amnesia so they can forget about how much they are hurting.

All I wish is that I could have remembered .... Remembered that he had hurt me. That way I would never have fallen in love with him again

To know him, is to love him. But I never knew that Michael was the person who could love me and break me into thousand pieces at the same time

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11. 10

Their apartment is opposite the beach. When I walk inside I expect it to be familiar but nothing, I don't feel like I've been here before although I know I have

"I'm going back to bed, just give me a shout when you want to leave ok?"

I turn to face Luke and his smile somehow makes me feel reassured and at ease

"Thank you Luke"

Michael walks into the kitchen and I stand in the hallway awkwardly

"So were you and I friends? I know Ashton said me and him were close, not that I can remember"

Luke leans against the wall and bites on his lip ring again

"We are friends, not past tense. We always used to talk, I wish you could remember that but if you ever need to talk you know I'm here for you?"

This is comforting to me, to know that I have friends

"Thank you, that means a lot"

He opens his bedroom door and I go to find Michael. He's in the kitchen and he holds out a bottle of water and a beer. Feeling as nervous as I do I take the beer and he grins

"So where do you want to talk? Here or my room?" He looks embarrassed and I look around the apartment. It's minimal but homely. There are guitars propped up against the wall, a black settee and a big flat screen television in the corner of the room. I look at Lukes bedroom door, it leads into the living room

"Can we go to your room? I'll feel more comfortable talking there"

I open the beer and take a larger sip then I intended

"Sure. You know the way"

He bites his lip, he's teasing me

"Actually I forgot, memories couldn't have been that good" I wink at him and he laughs. I'm flirting with him? This isn't normal. He grabs some beers out of the fridge and I follow him down the hallway into his bedroom.

The cream walls are covered in band posters, my chemical romance, green day. I stop and look around

"Have you remembered something?"

I sadly shake my head

"I found some CDs, I presume you've left a few of them at mine?"

"I'm in no rush to have them back. Keep them"

He gestures to the bed and I sit on the other end to where he's sitting to put some distance between us. I always read about people having "chemistry" but I thought that was far fetched, I actually believe it now I'm sitting in front of him though because there is something between us. Like an invisible rope pulling me to him. I want to be here with him I know that. He puts on a cd and I rest my back against the wall with my legs on the bed. Whilst he's standing up with his back to me I take the opportunity to mentally remember him. His blue hair, his black skinny jeans, his T-shirt that has black arms and a white body. I nervously swallow, being this close to him is doing something to me, I think it's resurfacing feelings but I don't have the memories to go with it. He turns around and I quickly look at my hands

"Ok, you're here to talk. As much as I don't want to relive the shit parts I know you need to know so where do we begin?"

I take a deep breath, I came for answers so I guess it's time to hear them

"Why did you cheat on me?"

He sits down, closer to me this time. He plays awkwardly with his eyebrow piercing and shakes his head

"You won't remember this but we've been signed to a label. It's only a small label but they are putting a lot of faith into us. We are going on a European tour in six weeks for four months"

This is news to me

"Anyway" he carries on "you were happy for me, you know this is what I want but I want you too. I don't know if you was nervous about me going away or what but you pushed me away, you became distant. I crave your attention Chloe, you keep me sane but you wasn't yourself. I got shit faced one night, it was a drunken mistake and the biggest mistake of my life. If I could go back I would. You came to see us play and I gave you my phone to call us a cab back here but you saw a message and then the argument happened, then the accident"

He turns to face me and he holds my hand, I don't pull away

"Was it a kiss or did you have sex with her?"

"Chloe please"

"Tell me"

"Yes, we had sex"

I move my hand and hold the beer can as I take another sip from it, then another until it's all gone

"Say something Chloe. Please"

I lean forward and lean back, I don't know what to do with myself

"I need another drink" Is all I can say. He hands me another can and I gladly sip on it

"Why did you do it?" I can feel the tears in my eyes, I don't even know why I want to cry. But wether I can remember it or not he cheated on me

"I don't know, I was drunk, I was lonely, I thought I was losing you anyway" he shakes his head and looks at the ceiling

"Who was she?"

He doesn't say anything instead he just looks up, obviously conflicted as wether to tell me or not

"Michael" I snap at him

"It was nobody worth mentioning, she was nothing compared to you"

I feel angry now, I have every right to know

"Who was she?"

"It was just some girl who follows the band around. She's been to most of our gigs but you don't know her name"

I tap the lid of the beer

"Actually I don't want to know, it's not like I would remember her name anyway"

I try and reason in my head that it's for best that I don't know, if I ever went to see him play again I would think that every girl could be her. Then another realisation hits me and a tear falls down my cheek before I can stop it

"Chloe please don't cry, I'm sorry. What can I do? I'm sorry"

"It's not even that, it's the fact you're going away and if my memories aren't back by then, then what was the point in what we had?"

He stands up off the bed and pulls me up with him. Holding me in his arms and this time I don't pull away. I need this closeness, I need to feel his touch. I need to know what we had was real and that he isn't a ghost of my faded past

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