Love. Pain. Loss. Four and Tris, two remarkable people, who believe love will succeed. Due to untwisted twists, they find themselves separated, having to battle their demons. Will they overcome their demons, or will their demons overcome them?

"You promised to protect me always, but I never thought the price of that promise would be so high."


5. Lost

Tris P.O.V

Afraid. Alone. Abandoned. It was cold wherever I was; everywhere I see there is pitch black. I try and open my eyes, but I feel so weak. I try and move my body. The struggle of trying to move but not being able to dishearten me. The feeling of being buried constantly torments me. Fear grips me in its hold, constantly mocking me. Where is everybody? I could feel the sweat drenching my body. I scream in vain, but the feeling of hopelessness settles over me. The sounds of screaming voices yell at me, torturing me with their presence. Four! Where are you? Where am I? I try and move, but the feeling of terror holds me in place. I could feel shivers down my spine.

My throat constrict. I could feel the blood pounding in my ear. Every muscle in my body screamed at me to flee, but I remained frozen. My heart pounds rapidly, as my eyes dart side to side. I could feel the hair standing on the back of my neck; my heart was racing rapidly like I had just run a marathon. My ears hurt from being screamed at. Was I losing my mind? I saw shadows moving around, one minute they were far, the next they were near me. I am losing my mind. Remain calm Tris, I think to myself. 

The last thing I wanted to do was go crazy, in a place where I was clearly not welcome. Every step I took was welcomed by cold hard ground. There wasn't enough light, to even see where I was going. I had to guide on my sense of co-ordination, which isn't very good. I could feel a breeze of wind float past me, if there was the wind coming here, there had to be an exit, maybe I could just get out of here, find someone to talk to. But, I know that hoping to be ok wasn't the same as knowing you would be ok.

Flashbacks flood past my eyes. I wobble in confusion, not knowing what was happening to me. I stick my arms out, trying to regain balance, and not fall on the ground.

"You don't have much muscle, so you're better off using your knees and elbows." Tobias tells me, pointing at my arms kindly.

I shake my head like a rebel. I didn't like that Tobias was criticizing me, I wasn't completely stupid. I knew that I wasn't the strongest fighter, and was probably one of the weakest. It may be because of my upbringing, being brought up to be Abnegation. I was always told to be kind and gentle, ignore any insults people shouted at you, never become selfish. My parents always told me, that I must be selfless. But, that didn't mean that I had to be weak.

"You okay there, Stiff? You like you are about to cry. I might go easy on you if you cry." Peter taunts me, it takes a lot of strength to not strangle him..

Peter brings his hands up to his face and bends his knees. Like a cat ready to spring. He mocks me in annoyance and grimaces at me.

"Come on Stiff. Just one little tear. Maybe some begging." Peter laughs, taking a step closer to me.

"Stop playing with her. Get it over with. I have not got all day, you know." Eric snaps harshly, getting really angry and furious.

I watch Eric staring at me; it took everything in me to not break out into a laugh. It was so funny, that Eric was getting mad; infuriating was much easier than it seemed.

All the fury and anger overcomes me. How dare Peter upset me, always mocking me with annoyance? He has no right to talk about my friends and family. It was one thing to break me, but no one had any right to break my family. My family was everything to me, my support, my love, my courage. No one and I meant no one could ever dare to speak against my family. I clenched my wrist tightly, taking deep breaths in anger, trying to cool myself down.

I shake my head, why was I reminiscing over the past? The demons from my past never left me, waiting for a chance to destroy me. I was better than this. I am strong. I wouldn't break; I would not let my past destroy me. Four was depending on me, everything depended on me being strong. I would never be able to escape from this nightmare if I was weak; I wasn't brought up to be weak. I am Divergent. I am powerful. I am strong. A throbbing pain in my head causes me to cough violently.

I knock Molly out with a painful blow, causing Molly to collapse on the floor, tears in her eyes. I grimace in happiness, a smile forming in my face. Molly deserved this, she always irritated me, bullied me. It was like she thought I was weak, but I wasn't.

“No more. No more.” Molly groaned in agony and pain, thrashing on the floor.

I look at Peter who stares at Molly with annoyance and sighs pitifully. Molly stood up, holding her painful jaw. She stared at me in anger and fury. I could feel her hatred from over here. I knew if she had the chance, she would crush me with her bare fingers.

“You’ll pay for this!” Molly shouted angrily, her voice venomous, as she sticks her middle finger at me. I see the fury in her eyes, a burning hatred towards me.

“I think you should pay a visit to the doctor for your jaw first.” I laugh with Christina, feeling pity and no remorse for Molly.

It was so funny; I chuckled in delight, feeling so happy and overjoyed. It was time that Molly got everything she deserved. I see Four looking at me with shock, when he catches me looking at him, he shakes his head. I know I disappointed him, but why? I only wanted to make Molly feel the pain I live through every day, I know it's wrong, but it's not like she doesn't deserve it. But, that doesn't make me a better person; I know I am better than Molly. My mother taught me to be brave, but loving, not to ever become the monster I was becoming now.

“Molly your rank has become lower than Christina because you were beaten by a lower opponent Tris. Tris your ranking goes up.” Eric proudly says, ticking something on a paper.

“Yes!” Christina laughs happily, jumping up and down in joy. I smile as well though I know what I did was wrong. But, is it wrong that I don't regret it?

"Stop it, leave me alone!" I scream at nothing, knowing that if anybody had seen me like this, they would assume that I was crazy, and maybe I was.

I know what is coming next. No! A figure that I have only seen as loving materializes in front of me. His kind face and dark brown eyes look at me; his eye are big and stares at me. His thick eyebrows rise slightly at me, like he is judging me. A distinct sweet and fresh smell like sage and lemongrass floats around him. A person who I thought I would never see ever again, stands in front of me. It takes everything not to hug that person, because I know that he couldn't be alive. It had to be a dream, a nightmare. I had seen him dead in the chasm, with his lips blue, his body swollen with water. He was dead, but then how could he be alive now?

"Al!" I exclaim in shock and terror.

"You!" he shouts at me in fury.

“Coward.” Eric called to Al pathetically, trying to irritate him or get him really annoyed, so irritated that would make Al fight with Eric.

"Whatever." Al replied, walking off ignoring Eric, and then sticking his tongue at Eric like a little brat.

Al dark brown eyes look at me, and he smiles kindly. I nod at him in respect, Al was really someone special.

I admired Al suddenly. For standing up to Eric. Not everyone stands up to him, because of a tall stance, and his harsh tone and scary posture really did make people fear him. Not me. I just think he is a bully, and feel like he must be lonely or twisted. Eric glares at Al, and grumbles something under his breath,

Al smiled, and ignored him before walking off in a stride. Everyone smiles proudly at Al, with a sense of respect. There was nobody else who could even dare to stand up in front of someone as obnoxious and vain like Eric, or master Eric as he wanted everyone to call him. But, nobody would call him that, you needed to deserve to ever be given a title, and Eric surely had not deserved to receive any title, except stupid or fool.

"Al, I" I begin to say, feeling terrified.

"Save it. I made one mistake. I know I did. But, I am only human too. I know what I did was wrong, I felt like your strength made me so weak." Al tells me, the way he stares at me, I feel like he is looking into my soul.

I didn't know how Al could blame me for this, when I had done nothing wrong. If there was anyone to blame; it was Al. I couldn't be told it was my fault, Al had no right to blame the victim of all this, which was me. I shake my head at annoyance, and call upon all the courage in my body, and smile confidently. Even though I was far from confident, if I could run I would.

"You betrayed me. I trusted you." I reply back, the tremble in my voice proving that I was nervous.

"I know I did, and I am so sorry. I just wanted you to forgive me, I apologized but you refused me. You were my only friend, and I know I lost your trust. You told me that if I ever came near you, that you would kill me. You're right. You did kill me!" Al shouts at me, pointing his finger at me, he grimaced in pain, tears trickling from his face.

I notice small differences in Al, his lips are blue and there's something about him, which makes him inhumane.

"Al!" I cry, knowing it was true, taking a step back in pain.

"Remember me saying. That I won't hurt you. I never wanted to. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't. I don't know what's wrong with me. I. Please forgive me. Please." Al repeats to me, the last words I had heard of him before he died.

"Al." I whisper, trembling with fear and regret, biting my lip nervously.

"You killed me Tris. Never forget that!" Al tells me, before vanishing right in front of my eyes. It was my fault, if I had just forgiven Al he wouldn't be dead now. I killed my best friend, what he did was wrong, and I don't deny that. But, he did try apologizing me, I was his only friend, and I threw him away. He must have felt so alone, so scared that he had to throw himself off the chasm. I always thought Al was like a bear, big but warm, but now I felt like Al was a bear who had been abandoned. It's my entire fault!

I collapse on the floor, tears trickling down my face. I sob in pain and guilt. It was true, it was my entire fault. I got my loved ones hurt. I tried blaming Al death on himself, on his cowardliness, but it wasn't his fault. It was mine, for being stubborn and having a cold heart. I was the only one to blame. My fault. I didn't deserve to be loved. I think about Al before the incident, being warm heart and always smiling when he saw me, I knew he had a crush on me. He was right. He made one mistake, yes a big mistake but he deserved to be forgiven, and I didn't. I was too overcome with my anger and hatred. Nothing will ever wash away my guilt. I shove my head into my head and scream in pain.

I am so sorry Al!

It's my fault.

All mine.


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