A Universe Trapped in a Labyrinth

This is my boring and interesting and teenager life spanning from age 15 to 18 (May 2015-August 2018)
Within you'll find many re-inventions of myself, boy trouble, school trouble and life trouble. (Plus interesting bits I thought I would include as well).
Do you dare to enter the maze?


137. Just letting go and coming back to myself


23rd July 2017, 22.18

This past week you've may have noticed some inactivity when it comes to my presence here on Movellas and that is because I've been away at a summer school. I went on my own to a local university to stay for three nights and four days doing mock lectures and things of the like with a bunch of people I knew nothing about. I did have some crutch because some of my college friends were there but I hardly saw them so I was pretty much on my own. 

I had to interact with people that I had never come across before and that was mildly terrifying. My head was literally a tornado of questions; 'what do I say?', 'who do I talk to?', 'how do I even start and carry on a conversation?', 'oh my god I haven't spoken to someone in like ten minutes I look so awkward what do I do?'. It was so out of my comfort zone and my acute awkwardness and social anxiety were at an all time high. 

But I managed it, I had fun for the most part too. 

I survived. 

I did three mock lectures lasting two hours each on Psychology, Creative Writing and English Literature. The Psych had interesting content - hallucinations and delusions - but a boring interaction since she just talked at us for an hour. Creative writing was not what I was expecting, interpreting an art exhibition into a screenplay but it was interactive and I talked to most people in that class. English Lit was the best, the teacher was funny and engaging, I got to debate with the class and they had comfortable spinny chairs. I was set for life. 

I did make some friends with the people in my group - of which there was ten of us - and exchanged social media but I don't think I'll meet up with them since they live outside the area. I also made some tenuous links with people outside my group, sharing an umbrella with one girl and sorting out a room clash with another girl. It's something.

The best part of it was the wrap party where I just got to let go and dance and live in the moment. The music was loud and live was good. I got photos and had long conversations with my group. It allowed me to escape my head and not think about anything but the music. 

Chesters death from Linkin Park was announced that night and a little part of me winced and wanted to curl up to their music but I saved that for another day when I got home. It's made me want to go into the mental health field more and even switch my English Lit coursework focus to mental trauma. It's sad and horrific and it shouldn't of happened so soon but life is unfair sometimes. 

Coming home was an experience, I got to relax and sleep - since I didn't get back to my hall room til midnight each night and had to be up at 7 in the morning for breakfast. I relished in a double bed since I kept rolling over and hitting the wall in the single bed that I had in the room. I've had a lazy weekend and I haven't had one of those in while. 

The whole experience is memorable and welcomed. It's prepared me for going to uni next year and I look forward to it, even if it means more awkward introductions to people. 

I don't regret doing it and I thought I would when I packed my stuff on Monday night. Now I just have to dedicate the summer to writing, reading and drawing. 

We had cows right outside my window on the field just outside the campus. Every morning we had to walk through the field to get to where we needed to be and the cows were always a welcomed sight. 

The circus themed wrap party was certainly the highlight. This is after everyone got forced off the dance floor. 


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