Dear Joe

Hello Joe,
I'm writing to you again. At least that's what my therapist told me to do. He said, "Talk to the person you are having negative feelings towards." He meant write it down in a stupid journal. My parents told me I had to, but I don't want to. So here I am, writing, but for what? You won't know what the hell I'm feeling or saying to you. You were my best friend. Where are you now?


4. Red Light, Green Light


Maxine's POV

    I hear my alarm sounding. Fuck time for school again. I'm in the middle of my senior year of high school. Seventeen and a senior? That doesn't make sense! Yes it does. My birthday is July 19, 1997 I turn eighteen right after my senior year is over. There happy? I get up from my warm sanctuary under my covers and step onto the cold wooden floor. Today is December 10, 2014 and I, Maxine May Amherst am going to high school, again. Today is my last day of school before I start home schooling. It's weird that my last few months are going to be spent in home schooling, but I'm going to love it. 

    I stepped out of the shower and stood in front of my mirror. The bathroom was all foggy from my steaming hot shower. I put my fingers on the glass and wiped away the mist on the mirror so I could see myself. My face is pale and my lips are rosy red. What happened to me? I grabbed my brush and ran it through my hair. Ow, knots. I grabbed my ponytail and put it in my hair. Almost done, just have to brush your teeth. I threw on one of my band shirts and a pair of jeans and walked downstairs. Cereal sounded good, maybe some Lucky Charms, yeah Lucky Charms. I poured some cereal into my bowl and added some milk too. I sat down at the table and glanced at the clock. 7:15, I have twenty minutes before I have to be at school. While I ate my cereal I looked at the window, it was raining, Joe. 

    I grabbed my jacket and my shoes and walked out the door. I have my own car so I drive myself to school. My car is a cute little Volkswagen Golf, it's baby blue. I got in and turned my keys, the engine purred. The radio flipped on, some jibberish about some celebrity blah blah blah. I pulled out of the driveway and drove out of my neighborhood. I got to a red light, I stopped. I saw someone that looked quite familiar. Light brown hair bouncing each step he takes. A cute little nose just walking along, not a care in the world. Can it really be him? I kept staring. He turned and looked behind him revealing his face. Blue eyes, damn I should've known. I knew deep down it wasn't him. The light turned green so I stepped on the gas pedal. Zooming off on my way to school. The pattering of the rain hitting my windshield. Pain overtook my body, how could I be so stupid. There was no way in hell that that could be him. How could I miss one person so much. I passed by a cheap old liquor store, maybe I could just happen to waltz in there. 

    I walked in and it instantly smelled like dirty feet and nasty wasting away corpses. They really just needed to tear this place down, but I loved it here. I walked down the isle, I have school soon. Fuck it, it's my last day I can be a little late. I looked in the refrigerated section, alcohol, tons of alcohol. The old man behind the counter  just stared at me, I could feel it. I needed to distract him.

"Hey, excuse me sir?" I turned around to face him. His eyes lit up.

"Yes young lady? What can I help you with?"  

"I'm sorry to imply, but I saw a lady go into your bathrooms with some blood on her pants. I think there might be something wrong. I just thought you should know." The bathrooms were separated from the store, since it's so old. He wouldn't have seen her, especially because there are no cameras in this whole area. 

"Oh my, I'll go have a look thank you for informing me." He smiled and walked off. I giggled. I opened the door that held the alcohol behind it. I grabbed a bottle of vodka and left. I love vodka, I remember my first taste of it, the memory just makes me want to tear the bottle apart and choke down the whole thing.


                                        -Trigger Warning-           __*__         April 9th, 2013

   "Come on Max don't be such a damn chicken ass." Oh god what are we doing now? "Joe you really do get me doing the craziest shit ever, but I still love you." We ran into the liquor store, it smells kinda weird in here. There is a young woman behind the register staring us down. He walked in front of me, gosh I can't believe he's eighteen now. The big one, eight. "Just follow my lead." Okay? He went for the newer looking refrigerator door, but stopped. 

"M'am, could you come here a second? I need your expertise in something." Oh god he's so odd. It's so hard to hold in my laughter. "Yes what do you need help with?" The woman looks like she's around her twenties and she's blonde with greenish eyes. She has a nice slim figure with her boobs popping out, jeez desperate much? "Yes which one would you prefer? The gin, whiskey," She looks at the bottles and turns to look at him "Well I like a nice hard liquor, but everyone prefers different things." He turns and looks right at her. "Which do you prefer?" She looked over again and pursed her lips. "Hmph..I'd drink the vodka. I know I get drunk off of that." She giggles and gets way too close to him. "I do need a fine lady to share it with. Are you up for it?" He eyes her up and down. "Sure. Here's my number." She winks and walks away. He follows right behind her up to the register, I stay behind. "That comes out to be twenty dollars even." He looks at her and shoots her his award winning smile. He whips out the twenty and puts it on the counter. She practically falls over while he does so and bags his alcohol. Wait, what about his I.D.? He takes the bag and walks out. I follow not too long afterwards. 

    He turns and looks at me. "And that's how you get alcohol being under the age of twenty one my friend." I gasp. "Impressive, shall we go back to your place and share your trophy?" I smile and hold out my arm. "We shall." He says as he takes my arm and we both walk back to his car. 

   We arrived at his apartment and we walked over to the bottom apartment on the left. His place wasn't decorated like you would think most guy's apartments are. He just had a few Star Wars posters up and a nice brownish couch, oh and the flat screen TV. He flipped on the TV while I got some glasses. He doesn't watch much TV, but me and him watch The Walking Dead together. Season 3 just ended a couple weeks ago, now we have to wait until October for the next season. I plopped down on the couch next to him. "Let's get wasted." He flipped the channel to some music station, he loves music just as much as I do. He poured me a glass and I watched him fill my cup. I have about a regular size cup because fuck it. He has the same glass as me. We both took our glasses and chugged them both at the same time. In about thirty minutes I was tipsy, we both had another glass full and another thirty minutes later, I was drunk. We were dancing and laughing, like we didn't have a care in the world. We laid down on the floor. 

"Hey Max." He said, his words slurring.

"What Joe Shmoe?" I said, my words slurring.

"Do you ever wonder what it would feel like if we kissed?" I looked over at him. 

"Joe, you're my best friend. I want to always have you as a friend..but yes I have wondered a couple times." He turned his head and looked at me. 

"Could we try it?" I could tell he was so drunk. Did he really mean it or was he picturing Natalie? I couldn't tell. I didn't answer we just stared in each others eyes. He got closer to me, and the next thing I knew his soft lips were caressing mine. This doesn't feel right, he's my best friend. Fuck, I don't want anything to happen. After a couple minutes we both pulled away and just laughed. We started laughing so hard tears are starting to come out of my eyes. "It felt like I was kissing my sister if I had one." He spit out in between his laughter. "It felt like I was kissing my brother." After a couple minutes we stopped laughing. We both crawled back up to the couch and looked at the current song playing. Radioactive by Imagine Dragons, I love this song. "This song is the best." He said out of breath. "Yeah it is." I looked over at him, his face was glowing. I decided to crawl over into his arms, I'm getting tired. 

"I love you Maxine Amherst." He said in an even toned voice. 

"I love you too Joe Ingles."

     I wake up with the feeling of needing a bathroom, and quick. I jump up and run down the hall. I throw myself down on my knees and throw up everything that was ever in me. I notice my sweater is off, he must've taken it off me last night. I hear his light feet walk into the bathroom. He holds up my hair as I vomit into his toilet. Once I was done throwing up I sat down and put my back against the bathtub. He sat down in front of me. He stared at me, his eyes intense. He looked down then looked back up at me, tears forming in his eyes. I suddenly remember I'm not wearing my sweater, fuck. "Maxine. Be honest with me." Fuck. I can't do this. My heart shrivels into nothing and falls in my chest. A lump starts to form in my throat. No, I can't do this with him. "What Joe." I didn't dare to look up. I simply can't. "What's on your wrist?" I looked over at my right wrist, tears forming into my eyes. I moved it so I could see what was marked there. "You already know." I had to look up at him, tears filling up both of our eyes like he filled up our glasses last night. He gently grasped my right wrist pulling it onto his bare legs. I remain staring into his eyes, the morning light starting to hit his face. "I don't know why. I'm just a mess." I managed to let escape from my lips. I looked down from our little staring contest. From what I can see his eyes remain fixed on my flawed wrist. I don't feel anything but aching pain through my body. I want to crawl back into his arms and cry my eyes out. I'm completely numb. I can't look up. I've hurt and scared away my best friend. 

"Maxine. I don't know what you're thinking in this moment. I get it. I've been here too. But this..I can't bare to see you like this. I can't handle to see these gashes in your beautiful skin. From the day I first met you I told you that you gained a friend. Now here we are again, in this situation. I know you know that you're beyond beautiful Maxine. I tell you every waking day that I can. If I could stop the sun from dropping down out of our sight to make you see how much you mean to me I would. Just because I know that nights are hard for you. If I could make the stars align each night just how you like them to see that pretty smile come across your pretty little face I would. My world would stop spinning if I ever lost you Maxine..and every time I see these marks on your skin I can't help but to think it's one mark closer to me losing you. One day, that blade is going to kiss your skin the wrong way..and all of your life flowing through your body will start to leak out, Maxine. Then I'll get a call from your mother and father freaking out telling me to get over here. Then I'll jump into my car and drive a million miles an hour that still wouldn't be fast enough to get to you. I'll burst through your door and bolt up those stairs and swing open your bedroom door to see you. My stunning Maxine Amherst lying on her bed with a pool of her life on the floor.. and I'll go over to her. I'll grab her arms and pull her onto my lap and hold you..and cry into your hair. Then they'll come in and want to take my girl away. Then I'll whisper in your ear.. Goodbye my Maxine Amherst..the girl who made my world better as fast as she made it end." 

I stared at him. I've never heard something so beautiful in my entire life. Within that second I knew that I hadn't lost my best friend. Tears started streaming down my cheeks. He's the only light in my life right now. Everything else has gone to absolute shit. He pulled me close to him and let me cry into his shirt. 

"You're my life Maxine. I've got no one, but you, it's only ever been you. I will protect you for as long as I can. That's a promise I will keep."



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