Late Night Musings of a Lone Wanderer

Here are some late night musings by me.


4. Three


People think depression is sadness. People think depression is crying. People think depression is dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. Being numb to emotions, being numb to life. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again. Days aren't really days, they are just annoying obstacles that need to be faced. When you’re depressed, you grasp on to anything that can get you through the day. Even in a strange way you fall in love with your depression because you think it's all you have. It's not being able to see a way out, to see something good, to feel normal. That’s what depression is, not sadness or tears, it’s the overwhelming sense of numbness and the desire for anything that can help you make it from one day to the next. Please don't suffer in silence and alone. Reach out and ask for help ‪#‎youareloved


Saw this on Facebook today, and I don't think I could believe in something more. To anyone else who doesn't have it and is reading this right now, this is honestly what depression feels like. Sometimes I do not cry, I can just spend an hour or so sitting in my room and feeling the numbness overtake me. This explains the self harming issue too. In a world of numbness and the feeling of having a veil over yourself, self harming allows a release of the inner pain, it gives something else to feel other than the overwhelming sense of nothingness. Yes, I sometimes believe that my depression is all I have, and I've fallen in love with it. I've recently started taking antidepressants, and sometimes they work and I feel more uplifted, but then I think about whether it would actually work. In a strange and unnatural way, I begin to miss the feeling of my depression, and miss my marks of self harm. This is only because I just feel like it is the only thing I have in my life. 

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