Diary of the Decided and Undecided

Here lies the life, times, ramblings and musings of a decided writer and an undecided college student. Written for the Diary Competition.

Quotes About Journaling:
“Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success is in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.” ~ Douglas Pagels
“I don't have a diary, I don't write things into a diary. I imprint myself into the sky and when the sunlight shines brightly, I can stand under the sun's rays and everything I have imprinted of myself into the sky, I will begin to see again, feel again, remember. And when the wind begins to blow, it blows the details over my face, and I remember everything I left in the sky and see new things being born. I am unwritten.” ~ C. JoyBell C.


1. The Problem With Online Diaries

6 May 2015

Dear Diary,... No, that won't work. I don't write to a diary. I write in a diary. 

Dear Journal?

Dear Reader?

Screw it! I will just write. The main problem I had before starting this diary competition/challenge was that this is online. Diaries are supposed to remain private, even though it is likely someone would stumble upon it and make your life that much harder, revealing your secrets. With this written record of my life, it will never disappear from the Internet. I can press "delete" or "remove" story. I could try deleting my account. But it would still exist. It could still be found and read. I wish the Internet was like a collection of pages sewn or glued together because I could always maintain the idea of burning this record whenever I want to be truly rid of it.

If I get over the fact that this is not truly private, there is still the problem of someone realizing I'm writing about them. Movellas, I hear you. "Change their names." One problem, which I stated in the competition's comments: the person would read it and know I wrote about them. The Help proved this when Miss Hilly went to read the book and got to the story about pie. Change the names all you want, but the people they are about will know.

Maybe I should keep in mind that Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram are glorified blogs; blogs are online diaries. What is the difference between this diary (competition) and Facebook? They are the same, except more strangers will have access to my thoughts. Facebook lets me control the audience.


Despite my birthplace and current city, I have always been a child of the North. I miss moisture, lakes, greenery, seasons, holidays (people in the desert don't seem to rely on holidays pushing them through the winter). I dislike the desert, but it's cheaper to live and attend school here than it is elsewhere.

As for school, I've switched from chemistry to biochemistry to undecided (the last is unofficial). Originally, I planned on becoming a pharmacist, but a year of attending Pre-Pharm Society meetings and activities have led me to believe that this is not the career field for me. "These are not my people" (Melissa Fleis, Project Runway contestant). I'm not sure whether my love of chemistry died because of my professors, or because high school lied, or because I need to break. In any case, how could I pick a career in a subject that I hate?

Fortunately or unfortunately, it's finals week. It's ironic that I'm starting something as another thing ends. I finished one final earlier today. Friday is my last final, early in the morning. Ugh! Tomorrow, I have to turn in a portfolio for architecture. I've put so much work into it that I don't want to surrender it forever to the School of Architecture. What benefit is there in keeping all of these students' works when most of them will never go into architecture?

The semester is winding down, coming to a close. Fewer and fewer people litter the campus. I've grown accustomed to their presence. The barren campus is uncomfortable. What a change from small-town living: to once be used to fewer people and less activity, to then change to finding comfort in a crowd. My, how this city has grown on me!

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