Silently Spoken

I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn. - Anne Frank

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14. Tuesday June 2nd 2015


As one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person.

I was planning to sleep in today as I had a 10 o’clock start, but the loud voice of my mother was not to be ignored. There I was with wide eyes at six in the morning. Her loud voice wasn’t directed at anyone and it wasn’t even towards anyone in the house. She was on the phone talking to relatives, arguing I think. Or better still, she was ‘trying to prove a point’. While she was at it she woke everyone up, but no one dared interrupt her. No one interrupts a Punjabi mum on the phone.

Now, there is something you should know about Punjabis. We are loud, violently loving people (in my opinion). Let me explain myself. In the Punjabi culture people swear a lot, but it’s not bad swearing

and it isn’t meant to hurt or harm people. It is simply just a way of speaking, unless of course they actually mean it, in which case it would be said in a different tone and situation. We also show love by hitting someone, a hard slap to the back is another way of saying ‘I love you’. Or in some situations, you’ll get beat for your own benefit. Our goodbyes turn into long conversations at the door. We bhangra dance to Pitbull songs and yes we bring 30 odd people with us to pick up one person from the airport. We are one weird crazy bunch and I'm proud to be Punjabi because there is no one else quite like us.

I guess I got off on a bit of a tangent there, but back to my point. A Punjabi family always has some rough ties with relatives. In this case it was my mum against her brother (who lives in Africa) and his wife, his wife being the major problem. It was something to so with Nana and Nani (mum’s parents) being ill and needing money for treatment (things ain’t doing too good in India). My mum’s brother’s wife was talking a whole load of shit about sending a little bit of money to help with the operation Nana was going to have. To put it in simple terms, she was being really rude to everyone a kept lying and my mum’s stupid brother isn’t educated enough to control his wife when it comes to having respect when talking to elders (my mum is the eldest).

It’s always money that seems to cause problems in all relationships, especially family. Money is the one thing that can ruin everything, but a necessity we need to live a good life. The clothes you’re wearing were bought with money (the fabric was at least). You have the internet, water, electricity and all that comes when you pay money. This world runs on money and that’s what scares me. Already I see people that are living well off and have too much money for their own good. But on the other hand I see several homeless people on my way to and from college. There is a big contrast in this world and that needs to be eliminated. Humans are greedy, some are more than others.

Next time you see a homeless person, help them out. I don’t mean give them money. Most people are scared that their money is going to go towards drugs and alcohol, so do something else. Buy them a meal, a new outfit, a fresh cut and maybe even pay for them to stay at a hotel for one night. This is all in a good cause. Make them presentable so that they can go to job interviews and get themselves back on track. Help them to stand on their feet and pay their own way. You think they want to be living rough on the streets like that? Hell to the no! Any little thing you do for them they would appreciate. So please, make a difference and help the people in this world that really needed.

I feel really strongly about homeless people. Whenever I see someone homeless, I always buy them a lunch and if it’s cold I’d get them a warm drink. I go to a store and get them some shoes or even a new outfit. I give them the time of day and sometimes, that is all they need to lift themselves up. You don’t know what has got them into that position, so talk to them. Try and get to know why they are on the streets and try and think of solutions that could help. You can really change a person.

Anyway, today I went into college half an hour earlier, after all I did have an early wakeup call by my very own mother. I strolled into the studio and a few other students were already there. Alicia, Tristan, Jesse, Jacob and Al were all gathered around one table as their designs got chosen for the big hoot project that we all did some time ago. I walked straight in, didn’t even look at them and sat on the other side of the room. I don’t know what it is, but they make me feel really shit and uncomfortable, not all of them but most of them.

Tristan is okay when I talk to him via text, but even that’s changing now. It’s really awkward and weird and I can’t help but feel that he really hates me (along with everyone else). I guess I was too depressing for him. Al is okay, he is in the other class, so I don’t really get much of a chance to talk to him. I tend not to talk to him when he is with Alicia, Jesse and Jacob though. They are the ones that make me uncomfortable. It’s like they don’t want to mix with coloured people. This is mainly aimed at Alicia. It’s like she only likes people of her colour and anyone different is just dust on her shoes. This then influences all of the other people I have mentioned above. I know I may be darker than her in skin tone, but that doesn’t make me something else. I am still a human, with feeling might I add.

I got my work done as quickly as I could and took my leave at 2:30. I was meant to leave at 5, but I couldn’t handle being in the same room as Alicia anymore. I kind of just needed to cry and let it out. I headed straight for the buildings toilets and just let it out. I burst out crying. I don’t know why I was crying and why I was feeling like this. I spent a good half an hour in there and when I came out I got a few odd looks, but I didn’t care. I stared ahead of me and walked on. I kept a straight face on the journey home. The fact that my bus took a diversion didn’t faze me at all; I’d basically turned into a zombie.

Coming home mum was busy dealing with the gas man and the window fitting company, so I went to collect Raven and Vivian. I kind of appreciate going back to my primary school and being in that environment for a little amount of time. It brings back memories when things didn’t matter as much. Everyone was care-free with no worries on their head and they have fun. It was a time where I didn’t need to go into the toilets and cry in secret. Instead it was a time where the girls where trying to peek into the boys’ toilet to see what it was like. Raven and Vivian need to appreciate the present, because as they grow up stress will be piled up and they would be yearning to sleep.

Which is exactly what I want to do now (and not wake up for a billion years). I have a driving lesson at 1:40 on Friday with a new instructor form a different driving school. Also on Friday I’m going to watch a film with friends in town. Then on the weekend we have to strip the bathroom and the kitchen and pack everything in boxes so the builders can work on it. Then Monday is college again and I have to see if on Tuesday I can be let out early because I have to pick up my sister from school as the electrician in coming in to meet my mum. As for tomorrow and Thursday, I don’t have anything particular planned so I am probably going to do a bit more theory practise and maybe update my YouTube fan fiction for the competition.

The best way to see what tomorrow brings is to sleep through the night.

- J.K. Panesar

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