Silently Spoken

I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn. - Anne Frank


18. Tuesday July 7th 2015

You don’t know what you have till it’s gone.

I don’t have the internet today and I won’t have it till the 17th of this month. This means that all the entries that I write in this amount of time will all be published as soon as I have proper access to the internet. Currently in the process of changing companies for the broadband, the previous one was too slow. However, now that don’t have any internet, I realised how much I miss the slow internet. It’s like that saying; you never know what you have till it’s gone.

I have also gathered that nearly more than half of my life depends on the internet. I rely heavily on it and when I don’t have access to it, there is very little I can do, leaving me bored out of my misery. I use my e-mails often, my college work is majorly online, any research I have to do and even the things on my phone depend on the internet. My Whatapp is on hold and I know for a fact that as soon as my phone connects to the internet it’s going to have a heart attack. I think it’s safe to say that the internet organises my life.

I briefly remember talking about my friend Kat becoming my fitness buddy in my last entry. Well, that didn’t happen. I ended up going by myself to make a new card and book an induction for the gym. I didn’t mind her not coming; I was trying to look at the positive side of things. If I was going to start being healthy, I had to be dependent on myself, because after all, I am becoming fit for me. I got my induction booked for Friday and I am really excited. It’s the first time I will be going to a gym and I just can’t wait to get started. Deep down I think its Tristan whose got me really pumped up about the gym, he keeps going on about it and I wanted to give it a try myself.

On the down side my driving lesson got cancelled. However, that wasn’t why it got me down; it was the reason behind it. My instructors mum died and when he rang up and told me I really didn’t know what to say. My mum new my instructors mum. She said that his mum was friendly, well respected woman. It honestly is sad to hear that someone has passed away. I hate that feeling of seeing what it causes. There are people crying, mourning and hurting. I don’t know what to do and I guess it’s because I don’t like dealing with death because I know that one day I am going to be dealing with it in very personal ways. I try my best to remove myself from that situation, that may seem rude, but my heart starts to hurt physical and my mind goes blank.

After writing that, I think that’s all I can write for today. The subject of death is very difficult to me and I don’t really know how to explain myself.

The best way to see what tomorrow brings is to sleep through the night.

- J.K.Panesar

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