Silently Spoken

I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn. - Anne Frank


3. Thursday May 7th 2015

Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.

No college today. Sisters were at school and mum did her own thing which meant… peace and quiet whilst I work. You may be expecting me to say I love days like this, I do, however there is a down side. Whilst I may get a lot of college work done, I find myself not moving around and getting fit. I become a lazy bug.

Take today for example. I managed to get my zine finalised, that was one thing crossed of my mental list. All I had to do now was fix up my animation, annotate my sketchbooks, complete a document about an extra brief and write my evaluations. However, apart from my zine, did I get any other stuff done today? No. In a sense that was okay because the zine was a big thing to finish off and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. But I find double the weight being added on when I subconsciously avoid exercising.

I have issues with my weight. I’ve tried countless diets and exercise and I can do them. The part that is the most difficult is to make it a daily routine. I can so it for about three or four days in a row, after that I start slacking and go back to my own ways. It’s so hard when my college timetable is so lopsided. Then you mix that in with work for both home and college, it becomes even harder to be able to fit in exercise. Okay, I may be making up excuses now, but it’s not all my fault.

Mum buys and makes such unhealthy food and when I try to tell her she just doesn’t understand. As some of you may know Indian food can be really unhealthy. It’s difficult to talk about weight with my mum. I mean she has called me fat several times. At one point she did try and motivate me. She went with me on a run and watched what I ate, but that lasted for about two days. I need a fitness buddy. Someone that will pump me up about exercise, inspire me to eat right and everything in between. That’s one of the things that I crave. It would be so awesome if I had a fitness buddy my own age and we could go running and make salads and juices and hang out and stuff. I wish.

Anyway, today from morning till about lunch it’s just me and mum. My littlest sister, Gem, comes home after that. She is only allowed a couple of hours at school each day, because she has recently had a brain operation. She was diagnosed with epilepsy and had an operation for it, but even now she still continues to have very bad fits. She is the cutest little thing ever at only 6 years old. It pains me to know that she feels pain.

Gem and I are quite similar in a sense. We both have health problems and we both had operations at a young age, plus we both have quite long legs. I guess the oldest and the youngest are the most similar ones out of the whole family. My other two sisters are fit and healthy, have short legs and act like they are the wisest people on the planet – I guess the last one is due to the age that they are at now. It’s very annoying; they ask questions about the stupidest things and love to answer back when told to do something.

I attempted to teach Gem today. I say attempted, because she is a stubborn as a red wine stain. I did tem minutes of English and then ten minutes of maths. She tends to get restless and distracted after that. I worry for her a lot. She isn’t at the stage children her age should be. Having to go to hospital appointment and staying there for different amounts of time, a gap has formed in her education. On top of that she is quite difficult to teach because she would forget what she was taught previously. Of course I help her as much as I can, but I still can’t help but worry about her future.

After teaching Gem, I dozed off. I think I napped on the sofa for about a couple of hours before waking up to answer the knocking at the door. Mum had gone to pick up my other sisters from school and Gem was upstairs on the computer. The knocking at the door was the postman, he held a big white box and I smiled knowing what was going to be inside it.


Okay, know you must be thinking that I’m a bit odd for getting really excited over paper. But let me tell you, this wasn’t just any paper. It was papers of different colours, thicknesses, textures and materials. That wasn’t even the best bit; the best bit was that it was all free. This company offers free samples of papers and they deliver it to your house for free. So really there was nothing to loose in the process and I got good material to use for my future projects. Ah, there is nothing like the cheap smell of a student graphic designer’s excitement.

My stomach just made a really weird sound and I feel like I am about to burst. I really did eat a lot today in my opinion. I'm hoping tomorrow is the day I pick up on my healthy eating and hopefully get some exercise done. I haven’t got that much word to do, well at least it’s not that much compared to a week ago. I also have an hours driving lesson around midday, so there is that to look forward to. I always seem to be a lot happier when I’m at home than when I'm in college.

I guess because when I’m in college, I don’t really have anyone that really understands me or wants to interact with me. I feel like I am too dumb when I see the people that I would like to mix with. Nobody is into the same things as me; whatever I may find interesting no one else has even thought about. In all honesty, all I want is a really close friend. I haven’t had one of those in a while. If people were more upfront with me and spoke their mind (yes, even the weird things), I would get on really well with them. At the moment I think everyone in college is trying to be someone they are not.

In some sense it’s changing me too.

The best way to see what tomorrow brings is to sleep through the night.

- J.K. Panesar

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