Silently Spoken

I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn. - Anne Frank

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5. Saturday May 9th 2015


Motivation is what gets you started. Habit it what keeps you going.

I feel quite satisfied with myself today. I got a lot of work done for college. I can know announce that I have officially finished my video. It’s all edited and rendered out. Now I am just in the process of uploading it to YouTube, but that takes ages. It’s not that important to do, but I want a few people to see it online. That might be one thing done out of my college work, but it’s a big thing. Now all I have left to do is the little things such as the evaluations and the documents for the mini briefs. They can be done in a day, but not today.

I also did a lot of exercise in the form of house work. I cleaned the living room, hallway, stairs, the landing, my room, mums room and Ravens room. Ravens room was the worst. She has two guinea pigs in her room called Rosie and Pippin. So her room stinks like a farm and there is hay all over the rug. Know don’t get me wrong, they are in a comfy cage. It’s just that when she feeds them she gets everything everywhere and she doesn’t bother to clean in. I mean, she should at least hover her room every two days, but no. Her clothes are scattered everywhere and her bed is a tip. Ravens desk isn’t visible and Lord knows what’s under her bed. I took a deep breath before I entered her room, opened the window and started on this one hell of a job.

Not to mention, I did all the dishes myself (even the ones left from yesterday. The thing about washing dishes is the dishwater that you have to take them out of. No, I don’t have a dishwasher, and to be fair, I don’t think one is necessary. Even though the dishwater is all icky and when you touch a piece of food you cringe, it’s okay once you get passed that stage. I love the warm soapy water. It feels like your hands are in a private bubble bath. It was a good thing at that too after cleaning Ravens room.

One thing that you should know about me is that I love baking. I just don’t get enough time to do it. I think that last time I baked was when I made a lemon drizzle birthday cake for Tristan. I put it in a pink polka dotted box for him; that decision was a debate though. Anyway, today I attempted to bake a cake in a mug. Too me three attempts to get it right, but I was third time lucky. The first time I put it in the microwave for four minutes; it turned out too dry. The second time I put it in the microwave for two minutes and fifty second; it was less dry, but could do with being a little more moist. The third time, I put it in the microwave for two minutes exact and it turned out perfect! I guess it just goes to show, the more you fail, the more you try and try again until you succeed.

On the topic of food, I guess I also ate less than I normally would do and guess what… I don’t feel hungry! I guess I was over feeding myself before and I ate a whole lot of sweets stuff that wasn’t healthy. But today, in the morning I had three small crumpets with margarine, for lunch I had 4 flat carrot and potato fritters and for dinner I had a cup of green tea and a cheese and cucumber sandwich. I did have a bite of a cake, but that was only like a tea spoon so I know how it tasted. The rest of the cake went to my sister, Vivien. She is the third sibling out of all of use. So it’s me, Raven, Vivien and Gem.

Yesterday I created a weight log table in a notebook and my weight today went in there. I’m not going to disclose my weight, but I will say that by the end of the month I should be able to see some results. I have attempted doing this weight log thing before, but failed after about a week. However this time I am determined to keep it going. If I do it for about a month, it should become a habit and you all know what they say about habits – they stay. Hopefully, I will be able to make drinking water and green tea a habit. I don’t mind the taste of green tea as long as I have it with two spoons of sugar and as for the water; I have got to get me a bottle to carry around.

From reading past diary entries I have written on here, I have discovered that I am pretty obsessed about my weight. To be honest, I just want to be a lot thinner so that I can be picked up easily and I can fit into all the clothes that I would love to wear. I don’t know how much deeper I can explain it before I start to cry, I just want to be thin. That’s it. I know some of my friends tell me I’m not fat, but I just can’t help but feel that they are lying to me. I know I'm fat, it’s all I see when I look in the mirror and I want to do something about it. I just have to kick myself up the backside about it.

Also, just between you and me, I think that girls who are slim are much more attractive. I mean, take Alicia for example, she has the ideal figure that I want to have. My goal is to be slimmer so I can feel good about myself, be more attractive and also just be content and satisfied.

It’s just hit nine o’clock now and I'm going to get ready for bed. I’m knackered by all the cleaning I’ve done today and tomorrow, my plan is to get up early and so a bit of exercise. I’ve also got a ton of stuff to do tomorrow to get ready for college the following day.

The best way to see what tomorrow brings is to sleep through the night.

- J.K. Panesar

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