Silently Spoken

I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn. - Anne Frank


20. Friday July 10th 2015

Don’t let anger get the best of you.

Today was a disappointment to say the least. I got a call this morning from the leisure centre saying that the woman cannot do my gym induction, because she feels uncomfortable about my heart condition. I mean for goodness sake! I have been living and breathing, doing PE for the past 17 years of my life, what is wrong with you! All I wanted to do was go to the gym so that I can get a little bit of exercise done and loose this extra weight so my mum won’t hate me. Now there is the obstacle about my health in the way. Any they said I needed to get a referral letter from my doctor in order to go to the gym.

So I phones the doctors as soon as and made an appointment. I sped walked all the way there and waited for two whole flipping hours only to hear that they are now allowed to write referral forms. What was I meant to do now?! There was no way for me to join the gym without a letter and the doctor was refusing to give me one. They are so contradictory. First they say you need to do some exercise daily and when I have tried everything and finally decided to join a gym, they won’t allow me. I was so pumped up about being a gym freak, well that’s all gone down a black whole. The only option left now was to ring the hospital and ask to see if they would give me a referral for the gym, if not – I'm going elsewhere and booking a paid membership. However, today is Friday and hospitals never do anything important document wise on a Friday, so my best bet was to wait till Monday.

I ate a lot today. I don’t know whether it was the irritation or the disappointment, but I ate (more than I should have). I ate the thing I needed to cut back on most and that was bread. Throughout the day I think I have eaten at least five pieced of bread with cheese and some with mushroom pate. I regret it a lot, but it’s done. All that I can hope for is that I don’t do the same thing tomorrow and work again on fixing my eating habits. I know of a gym in town that I can apply to, but all I need is the internet to book myself and use my student card.  I hope it all works out this time around, fingers crossed for good luck.

Yesterday was Ravens leavers’ assembly at her primary school. They acted out their own version of Cinderella, with prince charming being a famous rock star. They sang a total of five songs one of them being a solo sung by Raven. I knew she liked singing and her voice is very good, it’s just needs developing. However, she brought tears to many teachers’ eyes and at the end she even got a mention from the head teacher and the whole school including all the parents and careers gave her a big round of applause. I’m very proud of her and I just hope she can express more on her singing and take it further in life. At the end of the school day was her prom. So after her assembly I took loads of her pictures with her teachers and I gave her a camera to take more pictures at the prom.

There was a reason to this. I wanted to print the pictures out of photo paper and make homemade frames out of the special paper that I got for free. I used different colours of the twist paper (textured paper) and used my craft knife to cut the little details out. It took me all morning all the way into the afternoon to finish it. I thought it would be an amazing surprise to give to Raven so she can present it to her teachers, but I was so wrong.

As soon as she came home she tried to barge into my room and wanted to know what was going on, I held the door shut and she still kept pushing. Her anger came out and she pushed the door right into my toe nail and it hurt like hell! Why can’t she just listen to me and wait in her room till it’s done? She went off down stairs in a strop and when I was finally done I brought all the pictures down and showed her what I was doing was a surprise for her. It still didn’t faze her though. She started complaining about the colours that I used and that I should have asked her. She was being such an ungrateful little cow. It upset me deeply. I spent all my time doing something nice for her and she doesn’t so much as say a thank you. I really hate her attitude and I felt like I could punch her there and then, but as always I contained myself. One of the days I am not going to be able to hold it in, she is getting closer to pushing me off the edge.

Anyway, I’m going to go to sleep now.  It’s amazing that I have written three entries so far in the time that I have no internet. I find that I have a lot of time on my hands. I don’t like that, it feels like I'm doing nothing. But still, I have tones of work to do when I finally do get internet. I’m just stuck in traffic at the moment (traffic with no internet).

The best way to see what tomorrow brings is to sleep through the night.

- J.K. Panesar

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