Tiny Ink Blots [Diary]

When there is a blot on paper, you cannot remove it until you wash it away. When you have some memories, you cannot forget them until your soul gives up. These are my blots of memories on a sheet of paper. This is my diary.


6. Commitments

May 10, 2015                                                                                                                                                       9:37 pm


Dear Creepy Person,

I am the worst person when it comes to making commitments. 

You see, either I don't trust anyone or I cannot be trusted. I make commitments but then I don't do anything. I have no idea why I do that. I do that with everyone and the worst part is that I don't even leave myself. I make a commitment with myself but then I don't do anything. I am such a bad friend, person, daughter, sister. I am everything bad you couldn't imagine. I am the complete opposite of flawless. I have made so many commitments in life and yet I haven't fulfilled them. Like the biggest example of a commitment I made was to my best friend in third grade. When I was leaving Heaven Park (fake name of a place) I made a commitment to my best friend that I would cal her whenever I get the time. And guess what? Yes, your guess is absolutely right (I know what you're guessing because it's too obvious). I didn't cal her. But she used to call me and then even that stopped. Now, it's been like five years since I haven't talked to her. I see her pictures on Facebook with her new best friends and I feel that I have been a really shitty person.

I don't even remember my friends' birthdays. And on top of that, I DON'T FREAKING REMEMBER MY MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY! I forget it all the time. I don't know if it's my bad memory or just my shitty mind. I don't know.

I don't know anything at all. 

That's why, since I am bad at making commitments. And that is the reason why I never wanted to be committed. Yeah, yeah, you'll say that I am just fourteen, blah blah, BUT (and there's a big but) whenever I  start to like someone (it's only happened twice), I either mess it up or I, on my own, try to forget that person or make him brother (happened once). Or if someone likes me, I try to push them away. I feel weird when someone likes me, I feel disgusted in a way I can't describe. 

That quote, the ring one, I made, it's based on commitments. Although you can think of it whichever way you like. 

I made a lot of promises with my dad too and guess what? (Of course you're the intelligent one you guess it right) I broke all the promises I ever made. There is only one promise I have not broken yet and that is the promise I made to my uncle that I won't stop writing. Although he thinks I have already broken it since when he asked if I still write stories, I said no. I am too shy a person to admit it. And I have other reasons too for not telling that I write (although I guess my parents have figured it out or my sister has told them).

Today, well, today nothing happened. I studied for my Maths test and that's all. I am pretty scared although I have no reason to be scared since I already know I am not going to do well because it's the everyday story. You can't sow the daisies. It's inevitable. 

Your Chimp, 

Mercury Chap

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