Questioning my meditations

*Competition Entry (diary entries)*


1. Day 1 // May 5th

Hey, so...this is new. Usually this is where I would begin by introducing myself, since as a society, we instinctively label people through the use of their names. In fact, I value a name hugely since it can form part of a person's individuality: individuality is my highest value, not in the selfish sense, but because I have high peaking dreams (as tall as Barad Dur) to be remembered for something great, and to have an positive impact on the people I meet. None of this is supposed to sound dramatic and arrogant: I have a solid fear of forgetting and being forgotten so don't blame too much of this belief on me xD. Back to the original point (I divert from the topic a lot), since I can't provide my name (for obvious safety reasons) I want to leave it up to you to judge me and if that means the only one identifying thing you can say about me is how strange my brain works, conflicting both outrageous humour (so.much.weird.wit), and explosive fangirl behaviour with a matured sense of intellect then so be it.

On to my day...this will be quite a succinct entry, only really because I'm writing this as I'm watching Supernatural and it's very difficult to focus on writing something in a literate sense whilst trying to keep up with the development of a war between a group of sacred, fallen angels and others that reside in hell. It's getting closer to my A-Level exams which makes me nervous because I feel totally unprepared, but then again, I also feel excited because it means I'll finish my subjects completely and get to spend a worry-free summer not thinking about exams EVER AGAIN. I have a Philosophy AS exam next week but since it's an AS exam, my university application isn't dependent on the grade I get so even if I don't do well, I know I can still get into the university I want. Lucky for me, this means I can relax knowing that my success in the exam is only really influenced by how well I personally want to do. I've been doing lots of essays in my Media class as we branch into the first unit of the course (we did the second at the start of the year). So far things are going well. 

I needed to get some work done in art after school, finding the power cut off several times. By the time I came home, the power was completely off which meant no wi-fi. You don't quite realise how lonely you feel in the world until the wi-fi is gone. It sound so dramatic but I legitimately thought to myself well, it's just me and my thoughts now, and I have no idea why I came to that conclusion. I think it was because my instant reaction to finding the power cut was to tweet about it, but I couldn't. I use social media to document my feelings and thoughts on a platform where lots of people are likely to see it. I never realised how dependent I was on it until today...which is so....odd O.o As soon as it came on, it felt as if there was a comforting presence, wrapping me up in a secure bubble of protection and that being connected to the world again gave me a sense of peace. It's strange how dependent we've become on technology to feel such a way. Obviously my first instinct wasn't to revise; instead I thought, well, I have all these books I need to read, might as well start now. I didn't, sadly. Obviously revision is more essential, no matter how hard it is to admit.

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