My Imperfect Life

Dear Diary

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9. 3rd June-Worry, Worry, Worry

So today I had a computer science exam, which was pretty difficult. Especially the tough six markers, which was so difficult and hard. The six mark questions made me stare at the wall, in boredom not knowing what to write. I wrote a paragraph, mostly me just scribbling random ideas that I could muster up with. It was a one and a half hour exam, though after about forty minutes I finished it, and I tried to read over and check it. But, after about checking it ten times, I gave up. I spend half an hour, staring at the wall and the clock, and then I started chewing on my pen in boredom. I knew I failed it, especially as I looked at nearly everybody else looking focused, and writing intelligently.

A part of me wished that they would just let me out of the exam hall, especially as the invigilators kept staring at me, like they wanted me to go back to writing, or after once catching them staring at my work made me feel like, why were they staring at me? After the exam finished, I came out and took in a deep breathe of air. Most of my friends were like they found the first half easy, and the second half hard. Was it only me who found most of it hard? One of my friend was like the six marker was easy, I stared at her like "are you crazy?" she just smiled meekly at me. At least I only have six more exams left, after the end of next week all my exams will be over. I can't wait for all my exams to be over, once it is finished I will just sleep for hours. 

Remember Tina, after social services were finished with her. Now, you are probably wondering what happened? I will briefly tell you, social services thought she was getting abused, but she wasn't, because some of my so called friends snitched on her to our deputy head. Ms.Cannon who should I say is a miserable old witch, who spends every hour being nosy, and getting into everybody else's business. The police got involved, she had to give a statement, so much fuss. 

Well tommorow I have a non calculator maths exams, which is one of the exams I am actually ready for her. Life is so difficult and hard. 

When somebody tells you that they are ok, what do you do? Another of my friends was like I am ok, when I asked her if she was ok. But, she blatantly texted me that she was fine, why can't I help worrying for her?

Being an Asian girl like myself is hard, your parents expect you to get all A and A*, and put so much pressure on you. Also, having to wear Indian clothes and acting modestly is even worse. Sometimes I wish that being a boy would be much easier, somehow boys have always got less pressure, less hard work. They don't have to worry about hair, clothes, make up. They sometimes look good even when they look like they had just gotten out of bed. Me being the oldest child is such a burden, my younger brother and sister have got it all easy, it's like life is handed to them in a plate. While I am the child who gets told off, pressured to get the highest marks in exam. It's like they don't understand that sometimes however hard we work, we are never able to meet their standards. I'm like a failure daughter to them, and I hate myself for that.

Another worry in my life is that results day is on August 20, and my birthday is August 31, so if my results are not amazing, I will probably not even have a birthday, and if my results are bad, I probably won't even make it to my birthday. They will probably shout and scream at me, until I just break. I try hard, really I do. But, I feel like I just want time to freeze. All I want is to be a little girl again, when my biggest worry is what would I eat that day. I remember being a cute little girl with bunches, always playing with my dolls and teddies. I still have my teddies and dolls from ages ago. It's like my life is flashing quickly, and that no matter how hard I try to catch it, it always slip pasts my fingers. It feels that no matter how hard I dream of childhood, I will never be able to get those precious days again.

Today is probably one of my longest entries, probably because it is about my worries, and don't I have many of them. Also, I sent an application to be a movellas ambassador, because I thought how being a movellas ambassador has given me more responsibilities, and it was such a fun time. I hope I become an ambassador again, there are so many good points of being an ambassador, such as; meeting new people, getting respect, helping others, being more responsible, and dare I say it, the best is the shiny golden stars on your profiles pictures. It makes me feel like I am a shining star, so amazing and bright.

As you know I entered the battle of the Fandoms competitions, and after reading so many entries, I am stunned by the amazing entries, though I should have expected it from the talented movellians. I wish everyone the best of luck, and I hope I win. If I did it would be amazing, but all I can do is hope. Now all is in the judges hands, though I thank all that have liked, faved and given me feedback to improve. 

Movellas is simply amazing, such an awesome community full of loving, and caring people. It is really just a big family, even though it is on the internet, I have made such great friends, and read so many talented stories. Wow, I can't believe I have written this much in one entry. I love Movellas so much, for giving me the opportunity to improve in my writing, and gain in my confidence. It has helped me so much, I feel like a new person. Not the timid shy girl who people mocked and laughed at, but a more strong and confident girl who knows that being different doesn't mean bad, it just makes you unique. I thank movellas, and all the movellians for being such amazing people and being so kind to me.

Also, I thank GeorgiaT because I know how hard she works for movellas, and she is a very kind and caring person who always does everything to help movellas. Also, whenever we have questions, she always answers it, and helps us in everything. In addition to, she is always on movellas, and is such a friendly and cheerful person, she makes movellas even more special, she is our movellas gem.

Also, I thank all the other ambassadors who take their job seriously, and do everything to make movellas a safe and happy environment. I thank everyone in movellas for being wonderful and amazing people, and I love you all. Everyone in movellas is so kind, and talented, that I know that all of us have the potential of becoming famous writers, because we all certainly have the talent, love you all. (*cyber hug to all of you amazing people*) 

Remember that you are all beautiful and talented. You might feel like being different is a bad thing. But, being different makes you unique and very special. We are all talented and amazing people. Never let anybody tell you otherwise. You all deserve to be recognized for being such wonderful people. I love you all my special little cupcakes (sorry for the food mention, I just love cupcakes and sweets in general.)

 

So I am going to finish this entry, thank you to all that read this. I really appreciate you reading the life of an imperfect girl. But, I may be imperfect, but I am simply a normal teenage girl who goes through everyday problems. Such as friends, bullies, spots, weight, exams, basically everyday life. Read tommorow entries to see what tommorow brings me. Hopefully another wonderful day, but you never know I might find a million pounds, well that is extremely unlikely, considering that who would lose one million pounds, and me being a clumsy person would probably walk right past it, if I actually saw one million pounds. Goodbye, cheerios you beautiful people, hope you all have a wonderful day. 

Sabitha 

xxx 

PS: I hope my day to day entries are interesting, though I only tell you what happeneds to me every day. Thanks for reading another daily entry from my lovely life. See you tommorow, if you dare. *winks*

 

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