Family Guy: Road to Atlantis

When Meg gets lost out to sea, Stewie and Brian go to rescue her. Meanwhile, Peter and Joe are face disaster after they cheat on Lois and Bonnie...


4. This is Atlantis?

“Oh, oh." Brian felt like he had a hangover. He tried to get up, but he couldn't. He felt like a normal dog now.
   "If I feel like a normal dog, how can I still talk?" he thought to himself. Then he saw very clearly that he was lying flat above the ground, but he was hovering! And he wasn’t even wearing his aquanaut gear.
   "Hey, have you just woken up?" he heard a female voice asking, quite clearly as if he wasn't underwater. He turned around to see a very tiny mermaid with black hair, a green tail and wearing a brown bikini top, who was standing next to some sort of cave.
   "Excuse me, miss, but where am I?" Brian asked.
   "Well, sweetie, you're on the outskirts near the Kingdom of Gathser," the mermaid told him.
   "No! Not really!" laughed the mermaid in a voice that Brian knew very well, which got on his wick. “I got you, didn’t I? Be honest, I did.”
   "What the hell are you doing?” Brian demanded. “And how did you even become like that?"
   "Well, while we were unconsciousness,” said Stewie, “a sea witch picked us up and I don't what creatures live in the sea – as I’m only a baby – so I asked her to make me look like her – a sexy mermaid – and you a sea dog," Stewie answered.
   “Me? A sea dog?” Brian laughed. “I don’t even like water.”
   Stewie got out a mirror in the shape of a shell on a handle.
   "What?" Brian's ‘fin’ took the mirror and he saw that Stewie was now telling the truth! He was a sea dog. "Well, where is this sea witch you told me about?"
   "Right here!" Brian was standing next to a very sexy young brown hair mermaid, with a pink bikini top and an orange tail.
   "You're the Sea Witch?" he asked.
   "If you mean by magic, yes, but you mean like a bitch – "
   "No, I don't mean that!" protested the white sea dog.
   "I'm not just a creature of magic," the Sea Witch went on, "I'm also a creature of knowledge. I know the girl you and your friend are looking for."
   "Really?" Brian was surprised. "You found her?"
   "And I discovered how crap her life was so I turned her into a mermaid and she went to the city of Atlantis to start a new life," she told him.
   "Wait!" cried Stewie. "Atlantis is here in the Pacific? I thought it was somewhere in Europe like the paintings I see. No wonder history lies."
   "If you find her, give her this jewel," she told Brian as she gave him a platinum jewel. "It's to show her she has finally found the place she belongs into."
   "I don't know about that," thought Brian, "but if I find her, I will give this to her. I promise."
   "Good luck!" smiled the Sea Witch. Then she vanished.
   "Come on, Stewie," Brian said. He swam ahead. He looked behind to see Stewie had not move. "Stewie, what's the matter?"
   "It's not Stewie anymore since I'm a mermaid," protested the baby mermaid. "I'm calling myself – Oh, what's a good girl's name?"
   "It doesn't matter to me!" cried an impatient Brian. "You're still the arragont baby bastard trying to take over the world! Now come on!"
   "Fine!" huffed Stewie as he swam to join Brian.


Brian and Stewie swam ahead and there stood in front of them the city of Atlantis!
   "This is the city of Atlantis?" Brian questioned. "Instead of the historical Roman or Greek culture, it looks all modern, like New York or London."
   "Or Cairo," added Stewie.
   "Yeah," Brian agreed, letting him have that. "But look at it. There are lights, shops, restaurants, cinemas and even public toilets!"
   Then he saw sort of little piece of poop floating near him. "Stewie, where did that come from?" he asked.
   "From my belly button," answered Stewie. "That's how all marine life go to the toilet."
   "Come on, let's find Meg," ordered Brian as they swam towards the city.
   They swam through the city of Atlantis. Finding Meg was easier said than done because the city was not only very big but so was the population! There were millions of merfolk, not to mention crabs, dolphins, starfish and all kinds of fish.
   By nightfall, Brian and Stewie had enough and they went into a bar and ordered sea whisky. "This sea whisky is really good," he said to the bartender, who was a manatee ray.
   "This your first time in Atlantis?" asked the bartender.
   "Yeah, we're looking for a friend of ours," Brian answered. "She looks like a mermaid with brown hair."
   "You mean, that beautiful and sexy mermaid that Prince Oscar has found?"
   "Hey, Brian, check this out!" cried Stewie, swimming out of the bar.
   Brian, the bartender and the rest of the customers in the bar swan out to join a crowd of sea creatures and mermaids outside. They saw a parade coming. First they saw dolphins blowing trumpets, followed by mean-looking sharks holding guns. Then they saw four sharks holding a golden carriage. The curtains were opened and they saw a handsome young merman with a crown on his blonde hair and a blue tail and a mermaid with brown hair and a blue tail.
   "Hail, Prince Oscar and his wife-to-be Megan!" cried one fish.
   "Hail!" cried the rest of the crowd.
   "What?" Brian snapped. He noticed Meg's bikini top she wore on her water-skiing, but he saw the rest of the mermaid was much skinner and her face was extra sexy and so was her brown hair. "Meg's going to be a princess of the sea?"
   "I know, unbelievable," agreed Stewie. "Just like how the human race came from space."

About ten thousand years ago, there was a spaceship travelling and it reached Earth.
   "Is this an ideal place to dump these idiots here?" asked the pilot.
   "Yes, dump them!" ordered the captain.
   They launched a landing pod right into Africa and then they turned around and went back the route they came.
   "It will take another ten thousand years for them to come back to our home planet," chuckled the captain.

"Stewie, we've got to stop Meg marrying that prince and get her back to human form,” said Brian. “Come on!" And he and Stewie followed the parade. They tried to climb on the golden stand, but they were pulled off by a shark guard and were thrown straight right into two dustbins on the street.
   "Great!" moaned Brian. "How the hell are we supposed to get in the palace now?"
   Then Stewie looked at something. "Brian, come here and follow my lead."
   "Just do it!"


Meanwhile, at the palace, Meg was in the most special and grandest room she had ever spent in her whole life. She had lots of books and make-up and lots of room in the room and she had lots of maids do stuff for her and more stuff she never ever had on the surface.
   Then a knock came on the door. She answered it. It was one of her most-trusted maids. "Ma'am, these roses are for you from his highness Prince Oscar. He doesn't remember ordering them, but he paid for it and considers it a pre-wedding present for tomorrow."
   "Thank you, Jenny," smiled Meg, as she took the flowers and shut the door. She put the flowers in the vase and turned away. Then she heard the vase fall down turned around to see it broken into pieces. She turned around and saw a dogfish and a baby mermaid there.
   "Can I help you?" she asked.
   "Actually, we're here to help you, Meg," replied the dogfish, in a voice Meg knew very well.
   "Brian? Is that you? And is this Stewie?"
   "Well, now I have a female body, I'm calling myself Edward," snapped the baby mermaid. "Of course, it's Stewie!"
   "Listen, Meg, you've got to come with us back to the surface, everyone misses you," said Brian.
   "Brian, are you not as smart as I thought you were?" snapped Meg. "When I was water-skiing, no one gave me any attention, not even you!"
   "Well, I was drinking..." Brian began.
   "And it's not just that one day, it was my whole life!" Now Meg was so angry she felt like an asteroid hit her. "I know for a fact that I am not Peter or Lois's daughter! They kept telling me that! They never toilet-trained me! They never taught me how to eat! They never taught me how to behave at school! I had to learn all that by myself! And every boyfriend I ever had always dumped me or got fed up with me! Well, the Prince of Atlantis found me and asked the Sea Witch to make me live in the sea and marry me, because he had a crap life like mine, too. He had to learn to fight, he had to be privately educated and he had to learn how to rule, with no times for games or friends. Well, we met each other and we see the chemistry between us and no one is going to spoil that now! Especially no one on the surface who never gave a shit about me!"
   "Well, I cared about you," was all Brian could say. "But if this will give you happiness, I will leave you to live here. I will go back to my crap life, too."
   "Then why don't you live here?" suggested Meg.
   "Because this fish body I've got is very uncomfortable and because I always keep on trying to make my way in the world," answered Brian. "I never hide or give up. Not like you're doing."
   Meg just turned away and looked at the window. Now Brian felt like giving up and he began to swim out of the room.
   "Oh, Brian, have you forgotten..." Stewie reminded him.
   "What? Oh, yeah." Brian remembered the platinum jewel and put it on her make-up table. "Goodbye, Meg," said Brian sadly, as he swam out of the room.
   "Goodbye, Brian," Meg sighed. "Goodbye, Stewie."
   "Well, goodbye, you stupid, brainless, selfish –" Then he was pulled away by a dogfish's fin.

Brian and Stewie have left the city of Atlantis and swam back to the outskirts. Brian was in a very quiet mood.
   "Hey, sport, you gave it your best shot, unlike George Clooney did in Batman and Robin," said Stewie, giving it his best shot to make Brian feel better.
   "Look, Stewie, I know you're trying to make me feel better, but it's not helping!" snapped Brian. "I failed! I failed to change the mind of someone I really care about! She's right. I'm not as smart as I think of myself."
   "Well, in reality, no one is," said a smooth female voice. They turned to see the Sea Witch here.
   "Hi, there," sighed Brian. "I did what you ask so could you please send us back to the surface?"
   "Not a problem," replied the Witch.
   But just as she began to say the magic words, Stewie peeked into her tight, dark, gloomy lair and saw on a sort-of screen the platinum jewel glowing bright and some dark, dirty slug-like soldiers rising from the ground. "Oh, my god!" he cried.
   Brian swam in, too. "Oh, my god!"
   "Oh, my goddess!" cried the Sea Witch. "My spells haven't gone crazy again, have they? Don't worry, I'll take care of it."
   "Wait a minute!" thought Brian. "It's you, isn't it? Why didn't I see this before?"
   "Because you're not as intelligent as you think you are!" chuckled the Sea Witch, as her gorgeous body turned scalier, uglier and into a sort of angler fish in a humanoid figure.
   She pointed her fin to Brian and Stewie, who were sent to the wall and were tied to it by seaweed.
   "Why did you send us to give that jewel in the kingdom?" Brian angrily demanded to know. "Why do you want to take over? What has Atlantis done to you?"
   The Sea Witch swam to them. "Well, let me put it this way: When I was a lot younger, I would cure illnesses and diseases and make sea folk feel much happier and more alive out of the goodness of my heart. I was going to be made a Lady of Atlantis for my deeds, but, guess what? The King gave it to someone else – a female warrior who led battles against the armies of Lemuria, which is not my idea – "
   "Well, I know how you feel, but – "
   "Shut up!" snapped the Sea Witch, leaving her lair. "You couldn't get your friend out of her new life, you didn't notice my plan when you first was here, so you're not going to snap me out of my revenge, so do yourselves a favour and shut up!"
   "Why don't you just send us back to the surface?" asked Stewie.
   "Because you know about this and you'll send submarines and Navy soldiers to join the battle I'm going to begin! Bye!" And, with that, she vanished into thin air.
   "Great!” the dogfish sighed. “How the hell do we get out of here, Stewie?"
   "I don't know."
   "Well, think!" snapped Brian.
   "No, you're the brains, you think!" Stewie snapped back.
   "Thank you, that's a real big compliment!" Brian said sarcastically. But, secretly, he did feel like he had failed. And he was beginning to give up.

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