Suicidal Thoughts{Finished}

My hand started to shake as I raised the tip of the gun to my temple. I quickly found a pencil, all of the pre-written suicide notes came to my mind, pages and pages say who exactly made me feel this way- but only a few words were written; I love you, Luke.



23. Epilogue


I laid on the beach, texting Michael, and Luke was becoming bored. "Babeeee," he whined from his spot, closer to the tide.

"Whatttttt," I whined back, smiling.

"We're on our honeymoon, no texting other boys," he pouted.

I giggled, holding up my index finger, signaling him that I'd go to him in a moment. Michael was telling me that Ashton was home with his family at the moment, and Calum was out on a date. It made me happy to know that we both ended up happy. I teased him about his love life, knowing he was crushing on this girl who worked at his favorite ice cream shop. He'd go in there at least three times a week, just to see her. I wouldn't be surprised if she thought he had diabetes. He told me that she was a lovely girl, always making him blush and giving him a wonderful feeling. Her name was Valeria. I don't think I would forget it, after all he reminded me of her existence every two seconds. It was cute watching him act like a school girl, giggling and screaming over the person he liked.

I set my phone down and walked over to Luke.

"Weeee," I laughed, my hands on his and knees on his feet as he lifted me into a superwomen position.

Once he set me back on top of him, he kissed my forehead. We laid like this for a few moments, letting the sun bask on my back. The water licked my toes as the tide was coming in. I squealed, and scooted up to the point where Luke and I were eye level with each other. His blue eyes sparkled as they looked into mine.

"I love you, Ariana."

"I love you, too, Lukey," I whispered, a smile widening on my cheeks.

"Lets go into the water, please," he asked, puffing out his bottom lip that held a lip ring.

I rolled my eyes, then nodded. I moved off from the top of him, and waited for him to get to his feet. He held my hand as we ran into the ocean. I looked down at my scarred stomach, thighs and arms. I sighed lightly, then ran my fingers over the top of the water. Luke's fingers tilted my chin up, bringing my eyes to his.

"You look perfect," he assured me, bringing his arms around my waist completely.

Our stomachs were against each other, I wondered if he could feel the butterflies that were hammering inside me. My heart beat quickly, at an unhealthy rate. I hugged his torso, and I could feel my hands shaking. This feeling would never go away, and I liked it. No, I loved it. He began to leave baby kisses on my forehead, then on my neck.

"You're so lovely, and I'll spend my whole life showing you that."

I knew it would take awhile, but Luke was all mine now. We had forever and, this time, I wasn't afraid of that. It had been six months since the night I last tried to kill myself. A lot has happened, some great, and some not so great. I relapsed many times, only to want to kill myself again. I didn't, though, Luke helped me. That was the night I realized that I couldn't just not love him. I had to, because me was my sunshine and I was the moon. Without him, I was practically nothing.

"I believed that the reason you didn't talk to me all those months was because you didn't want to speak to me. You didn't want to have to deal with me, and that's understandable; I wouldn't either."

He watched me with sad eyes, lifting my chin so he could kiss them. "But now you're mine, and I don't ever want to not hear your voice when I wake up. I don't want to go to bed with out a goodnight from you, I don't want anyone else. I only want you."

My lips moved upward into a smile, my eyes shifting down to the two rings on my left hand. "I know that now."

This was our honeymoon, and Luke had insisted a private island in the Caribbean. We were staying here for two weeks, it was perfect.

"You know what I love about us?" Luke mused, his eyes sparkling. "My heart still beats too fast when I'l around you, and my tongue still trips over my words while my mind's already forming the next sentence. Nothing ever gets old with us, and I love that. I love you."

I beamed at the fact, because it all happened to me as well. "For once I feel good, and not sad. I'm not terrified of what will happen to me when you leave, because you wont," he smiled as I did, "You're the only thing keeping me happy."

Luke's smile faltered for a moment, his smile becoming forced. "I'm the only thing making you happy?" he questioned, seeming sad.

"Of course."

He engulfed me into the biggest hug I have ever had, it felt warm and tingly in all the right places. I hugged him back, pressing my lips against his chest. Luke squeezed me tight against him, making me feel protected.

"People say that love is when their happiness is your happiness, but it's not. It's when you physically feel their pain as well," I nodded, trying to follow where he was going with this. "So, when you...hurt yourself, it hurts me, ten times more," Luke insisted, kissing my nose playfully. "You can hurt me all you want, but you can't hurt yourself. I love you twenty times over a thousand times infinity, and we can do this. You can do this. This will be our happily ever after."






Writing this story has been a wonderful journey. Writing the epilogue was unexpected, but I think did justice for this story. I want to thank you for all the supportive comments, all the hearts and the good words you've all sent me <3 With out those, I wouldn't have continued the story, let alone finish it. I've tried writing plenty of stories, this one being the only successful one. I would like to thank you all for not killing me because of some typos and confusing shit. I'll be editing out the typos and whatnot for a long while.

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