The Conquests and Happenings of the ZORG

From classrooms and friendships to battlefields and aliens, the ZORG will prevail. Gazumph!


28. A Vaguely Boring, Yet Informative Meeting

The Almighty Z sat up straight in her chair at the head of the long table in the bright strategy room, ready to begin the meeting. Malice, Agent Z, and Jake sat with her. Normally ZOK would also be in attendance, to provide his superior objectivity and intelligence, but he was off slaughtering Meese again, so Melvin stood at the queen's side instead.

"We're here to discuss strategy and progress made towards our ongoing war with the Great Alliance," The Almighty Z said. "As you may notice, Melvin is here..." Melvin bowed deeply to the Almighty Z, who continued, " ZOK is off battling Meese. He is due to return two days from now, so until then, we will not be taking any offensive action against the enemy."

Jake raised his hand and the Almighty Z nodded for him to continue. "If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what are Meese, and why are the ZORG fighting them?"

Malice and Agent Z shared a look that clearly said,'Here we go again', which Almighty Z conveniently ignored.

"'Meese' is the plural form of 'moose'," Z started. Jake furrowed his eyebrows before shrugging and waving for her to continue. "Not the brightest creatures on Earth. We're fighting them because they're a scam."

"A scam?"

"A scam. Put together by the Alaskan highway association to get money off insurance companies from moose-related car accidents."

Jake looked confused. "How can animals be a scam?"

"Simple. Real meese don't exist."

"Don't exist." Jake looked at her in disbelief. "There's proof that they exist, you know. What do you mean by real? And why would you be fighting something that you claim doesn't exist?"

"Like what evidence?" Z challenged, ignoring the other questions for the moment. She'd come back to them.

"Pictures, hunters, heads on walls, encyclopedias..." He shook his head, clearly thinking that she was insane.

"You see, at one point, some people stopped believing in Meese, which obviously wasn't good news for the Alaskan government, so they made some animatronic meese to convince people, and those are the creatures in your 'evidence'," Z explained.


"Animatronic. Unfortunately they had to stop making them because hunters were shooting them and finding the electric parts. So, since there is a fixed number of the animatronic things left, The ZORG are exterminating them, so that the people will eventually question them again, and having already used the animatronic route, the government will have no explanation and be forced to admit their wrong."

"Wow," was all Jake had to say. To distract from his speechlessness, he booted up his laptop, only to find that he didn’t know the wifi password.

"So, ending story time with Z," Agent Z said before Z could go on. She clapped her hands together at her chest and used them to point to Malice. "What do we know technically about the Great Alliance's attack?"

Malice sighed. “They approached the planet, which was fully fortified in triple code red obliteration mode, in battlepods, the spiky round ships. Our scans showed them to be armed with the usual lasers in the spikes and some explosives, nothing seriously threatening, so we sent out some battleships of our own to combat the Tealians before they could attempt to breach the shield and weapons activated in triple code red obliteration mode, but this required our shield to go down for two seconds in order to let the ships out. The schematics and scans we had of the Tealian vessels implied that they didn’t have the ability to accelerate fast enough to make it in, but somehow, they did. From there, they pulled out these lightning cannon things and started frying drones everywhere until I guess they got bored and left.The castle was completely unaffected, but the transport system and many, many drones were damaged beyond repair.”

“If they’re out to destroy the ZORG, why wouldn’t they target the castle?” Jake asked. He looked at the Almighty Z, “If it were me I would try to take the queen out first, ‘cause that would weaken the whole army.”

“They were making a point,” The queen said, an edge of hatred to her voice. “They were just demonstrating that they have the ability to destroy us.” Jake nodded, recognizing the tone of voice as something he should probably flinch away from and therefore, not inquiring about the internet password. Instead, he navigated a pixelated dinosaur over various sizes and groups of pixelated cacti, which was highly amusing. “What do you know about how they got through the shield and these ‘lightning cannon’ things?” The Almighty Z asked Malice.

“They got through with some engine modifications that we either didn’t think to scan for or just overlooked. As for the lightning cannons, obviously the work of Turquoise-”

“-Night,” The Almighty Z interjected. “I call him Night.”

“Okay, Night then,” Malice continued. “I don’t know how they work, exactly, but they basically blow up everything electrical in the drone.”

Next to the Almighty Z, Melvin shuddered at the thought.

“So the ZORG don’t have the firepower advantage anymore?” Agent Z said, looking up from where she was doodling flowers in a notebook.

“Analysis shows that when strategy, environment, defensive capabilities, and other similar factors are not considered, with their new technology the Great Alliance has the firepower and other relevant means to destroy ZORG drones at the same rate that the ZORG is capable of destroying Telian soldiers,” Melvin confirmed, slumping. The Almighty Z’s already pale skin paled a little more and she tucked the straightened blonde hair on the right side of her head behind her right ear.

“ we have any defense for these new developments?” She asked.

Malice answered, “There are defensive ships in orbit outside the shield to avoid having to take it down to release them should the situation arise, and I’ve added cannons to some satellites and launched them for more protection. As for the lightning cannons, no clue.” Malice threw her hands up in the air in a frustrated manner. “I mean, the drones are metal. Electricity likes metal.” She shrugged aggressively. Agent Z put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

“Alright,” the Queen said. “Keep working on it, and in the meantime, get triple code red obliteration mode as good and deadly as it can be. I’m talking massive cannons and torpedos. Biological warfare if you have to go there.” Malice nodded. “In the meantime, Jake, get familiar with our defenses and strategies. Consult with ZOK when he returns.” Jake looked up at the sound of his name and mentally kicked himself when the momentary lack of attention caused his digital T-Red to run face-first into a tall cactus. “Agent Z, join him in his analyzing our defenses and look for things to improve. And everyone, be careful. The whole planet is on yellow alert until we’ve advanced enough to reciprocate.” She hit her hand on Melvin’s head, making a dull thlunk. “Meeting adjourned.”

With that, she swept out of the room.

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