a warm frozen heart

I have so many short storys, poems, and other thaughts that just dont belong in a full out novel. After a long time thinking i decided to put them all together in one place. I love all my stories just the same and I dont want any of them to go to waste so i'v compiled them to one beutiful peice of my heart and mind put to paper. Has been changed to yellow for strong language


4. life's time line

Author's note: hey guys. I know i haven't updated in an ungodly amount of time but my father has been in the hospital after a heart attack and then after he came home we were pretty busy with his recovery. He is back home and pretty much out of the woods so I'm back. Now for the bad news. I'm going back to school tomarrow (leave it to me to wait till the last minute to do everything) so i still won't have very much free time between marching band, jrotc, two honors classes, and school in general but i swear that i will do my best to get as many updates to you guys as posible. so without further rambling here's another story. (p.s. this story will be the narorated thaughts of someone who's board so i hope that clears any confusion.)

    How many hours have i been sitting here. Nearly four now. Ah insomnia thou art a heartless bitch. My boss is gonna kill me if I fall asleep at work tomarrow. If i take one more of those pills it's gonna count as an overdose and my boss will probably kill me if i die at work tomarrow. heh. I don't think that's possible but for now let's just say it is. Life's to short for this shit. Short? Is it really. Or is it a medium lingth. Or is it long.

    Well now I'm talking like one of those conspiracy theorists. Or the philosoraptor memes. haha. yeah, I sound exactly like one of those.

    How did i get from work to philosoraptor? Stupid ADHD. Well i guess it wouldn't kill me to think on it. Mabey it'll put me to sleep. so where do i even start to think on it. What would mr.miagi say. I shall channel my inner miagi. hahaha that was a good movie. Probably something like visualise thaughts daniel-san. hm. Visualise? Okay. I see life as a long peice of string. It has alot of loose threads. It starts out pretty in tact at the begining then as it gets longer and longer in get more unravled. then at the end it splits off in many diferent directions then abruptly stops. The string is roughly ten inches long.

     The first two inches are neat and tidy. This stage of life is when we are small children. When we don't need a true explanation for much beyond not getting to do something. We fallow our gaurdians with such trust as to do whatever they say and think it's right.

      The next inch and a half is slightly askew but still in one peice. This is when we are slightly older and begining grade school. When we begin to wonder what really is out there. what has been discovered and what has not. When we realize how small we are. This is when we still obtain true innocence and along with it, ignorance. It may be an ugly word but at this stage we still are so unaware of everything around us that it's really the only word to use.

     The next half inch is where we are in our last year of primary school and mabey begining of middle school. there's not much to say for this stage. It's so small that not much has changed. the string is still only slightly frayed because we still hold a great amount of wonder. And ignorance sadly.

    The next two inches are where the greatest fray yet is. It's where middle school and high school are. When you want so bad to know who you are it begins to harm you. The stress I lived through in those days was horendous. this is where we tear apart every aspect of our being to try and put it together corectly. This is also where our innocence and ignorance begin to die. You want to know what the world is but it escapes from you every step of the way.

     The next inch and a half is where adult hood sets in. The fray calms a bit but not much. This is where we are so intent on leaving the rest of the world for somewhere better that we may forget what we where searching for in the last stage. We forget entirly who we where to make ourselves better. We do this as a survival mechanism. To make ourselves better is to move above the danger of the rest of society. The last of our true innocence dies.

     The next inch is when we begin to gey older. When freinds may begin to die from their own age and mabey you aren't in the best shape yourself. Any children you may have had would probably have kids of their own. this stage is just as frayed but it just doesn't change. We are now fully engrossed in the image we created in our younger years. We became our own lie. I'm not looking forward to this stage myself.

     Then there's the last half inch. This stage is the one that splits out in so many directions. It's frayed so badley because it's the end. This is where the last of our ignorance is gone. This is our goodbye so we do as much as we can to finish up our buisness here before we leave anything unfinished.

     This string can be so different. More frayed. Less frayed. It's so sad when the string is cut short.

      I think I was right. Life is too long. It's too long to wast. You have so much time. Why would anyone choose to be so selfish as to waste it? To be so selfish as to not let it fray? Because every loose thread is a smile on someones face. A tear in another's eye. The feeling of life happening.

     I think I'll change that old quote for myself.

     Laugh your heart out, Dance in the rain, Cherish the moment, Embrace the pain, Live, Laugh, Love, Forgive and never forget, Because life's too long to live with these regrets.

     Yeah, I think that should do it.



          Music i listened to while writing: What I'v done - linkin park


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