Love Me

"Love me for who I am, not what I am"


27. chapter 26

Harry would call twice a day getting my answering machine everyday for a week. My voicemail Was filled with two message one being three seconds of dead silence And the other is 2 minutes but I've never listened to it, I can't.

Larissa has been there for me but as the days went on she's been more distant and her arms have been hidden in longer sleeves then the day before. The boys have been too, like always.

I've been getting better by each day you could say it still hurts so much but I can actually look at his face now. And I have to do that a lot during this project. We have to right about each other and how we see the other person. It's like the universe is punishing me for some reason. He has to come over tonight and I was crying inside cause I know he will bring it up but I can't back down he lost me when he put his lips on her.

'DING' the doorbell sang. I walked Down stairs seeing my mom gone like she said she would be. I was actually dressed in black leggings and a hoodie, my hair was straight and make up done. Not for him I was gonna go in pajamas but I might leave after this thing for a little.

I looked at the door bracing myself to open.

Right when I did I saw he was reaching for the door Bell. "Come in" I whispered moving to the side. " is your mom here?" He question stepping inside looking around. " no she's not" my voice was hard as I walked threw my living room to my stair case . "Are you coming" I asked seeing him still standing by my door. "Ya" and he walked up the stairs with me.

We reached my room him seeing my journal out and my books ready to get to work. " let's just make this short" I snapped out of no were. He shook his head and sat down on the bed cris-crossed so I would face him. I repeated his action but grabbed my journal and pencil.

-30 minutes into it and we are doing good, haven't spoken a word to each other and I have quite a few words written down for my part of this project.

"Lexi" damn I jinksed it. "What" I didn't take my eyes off my paper until he took the book from my grip. Making my eyes shoot up with a dirty look. " I'm not talking about this Harry . You cheated on me there's nothing else to say. I wasn't good enough for you and she was. But did you have to lead me on? You could have left me before you did that." I spoke simply but saw the words didn't fall on him as well as they did me.

"Not good enough? Your to good for me. She's better? If she was I would have stayed with her I didn't know what I was thinking after the deal-" he cut himself off turning white as a ghost looking up at me.

"What deal?" I spat but he kept his mouth shut. "Harry... What deal" my breath was gone and I felt so weak at the moment scared to find out the answer. " we- me and my friends we made a deal that if I took your virginity I would get money , and at the time I was being stupid and you didn't mean as much as you do to me so I excepted the deal." I was speechless tears running down my face I'm just a used toy how could those jerks do that to me... How could he.

"Ha-" he cut me off "let me finish" there's more? " they made me sleep with Chelsea so they knew you aren't anything serious to me so I did.... Then she became your friend but not to be nice just black mail me, she made me sleep with her again or she would tell you. That night at the party she demanded me to but I was dumb enough to do it"

I was shaking in anger and I was balling. " you dick! Your such a pussy you had to prove your self to them . Because there more important to you then I was. Because if they didn't want that to happen you didn't either. Your such a fucking follower!" I. Screamed and he didn't say a word. " I waisted my time on you for you to do this to me? Why didn't you just tell me instead of cheat on me! Don't be so stupid!!! You made me feel worthless, like a rag doll you can use whenever you want. But you listen here Harry styles you were a mistake to me"

I spat venom in my voice and my last words hurt the most he was standing up making me go to his face.

" a big mistake" I laughed pathetically and saw his eyes darken before he started taking steps making me back up. "Lexi I know you more then you know your self your lying. Because If you weren't you would be over me like that. Your not getting better by the day but worse because you don't let things go you care about" his voice was sharp like knives.

" care about you? Ya Harry I do because I hope that you will change and not do this to some one else. Because I pray that you will find peace for your self is it that bad some one care for you? Why do you destroy everything that cares" My voice was softer and weaker but still held anger.

"Because there all lies at the end" and I was disgusted. My hand flew up to his face about to make contact until his hand was roughly on my wrist and I was slammed to the wall. "Don't " he whispered tears in his eyes and that's when he stormed out of my room. My feet followed quickly him hitting my living room.

" is that all you know how to do? Run. Run from your problems instead of facing them? Oh be a man! How is it that I always end up having to say sorry for your mistakes? You have me rapped around your finger and I hate it. You get your self into things you shouldn't and can't handle the out come. I have pity for you" I spat shaking my head .

"Stop. You don't know anything about me!" He yelled pulling at his hair. "I know more than you think"

"Do you know when I had sex with her I was so sick of myself because I knew I was doing this to you. Do you know I know you don't deserve this? DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD IT HURTS NOT WAKING UP WITH THE ONE PERSON THAT MAKES YOU SMILE BECAUSE YOU DID SOMETHING STUPID?" He screamed tears falling from his eyes as he spat in my face. "I do Harry-"

"You don't. You weren't with me while I was puking my brains out cause I couldn't get the thought of hurting you out of my mind. You don't know how it feels to not be good enough for you.-" and it was my turn to cut him off.

"But I do know how much it hurts not waking up next to you" I whispered.

"I know the feeling of getting everything ripped away from you. I felt how worthless I was after because I wasn't good enough for you to not listen to them. I know the pain of not smiling because you aren't there " there wasn't anger in my voice anymore. His eyes were red from crying and his tears made me cry even more. Because he doesn't show emotions.

In a blink of an eye he kissed me. But my lips couldn't move. "I'm.... Sorry.." He whispered but I couldn't " just one more time baby girl.... Please" and my lips slowly found movement. I whimpered and let A few tears out before pulling away.

"I can't" I cried but he held me in his arms "just one night... Forget about it all" he whispered as I fell to the floor thinking of him with her over and over again. " Harry " I whispered slowly. He looked down at me and my heart shattered.

"I can't be hurt again.... I can't take it, just please give me some time.. Please" I whispered.


I sat on my living room floor crying by myself and god did it feel good. Just to let everything out all the screams and tears. My heart hurt, I want him back so bad but I can't i would be stupid to. I can't just go back to him right away. I need to take things slow he needs to know what he has done.

I grabbed my phone going to my voicemails and clicking the two minute mystery.

"Lexi.... It's me I can't get you out of my mind. The way you looked at me. Your hurt in your eyes." He paused from crying you could hear it. "I'm -I'm so sorry I miss you so much. Your smile, your laugh, your eyes, I just miss you. And I hope one day you will forgive me and look at me the way you use to because I know we had something. And When that day comes I will wait for you. I will make sure my last breath is spent with you. I broke you and I'm sorry for that but I tried to put you back together and fuck I'm sorry I couldn't..... Just know you are my everything" I cried harder fighting with my mind to do it or to not....

I want to but I can't. Just do it lexi! I screamed at myself but battled not to until I was running out the door. I guess my feet made the decision.

I sprinted to the light stopping looking at witch direction I'm gonna go picking left. I sprinted like crazy until I saw the free way full of cars and at a complete stop from the accident above and so much cars. I looked down at my converses rolling my teary eyes as I still cried but stormed threw the cars. I slipped threw A bunch of cars until I got to the front. That's when I gave it my all and booked it down avenue to his street. I better be getting water after this.

My eyes were blinding me but I couldn't stop. I just pushed further and further until I found myself down his street. My legs took longer strides running threw sprinklers getting me soaked but I finally found myself at his door step banging on the door.

"HARRY" I screamed until his door flung open. "Lexi?" I was literally out of air it all hitting me at Ounce.

"I... I forgive you" I spoke in pants of breath but he was speechless seeing me here. " I do Harry" I cried hitting my chest. Damn that was a stupid move. He pulled me in his house carrying me to his kitchen and setting me down on his counter and handing me a water bottle but I threw it to the side.

"I forgive you Harry!" I shouted and he blinked a few times before pulling me in to his chest. "That's all I wanted to hear" I pushed away a little and reached for the water now. Chugging the whole thing. My lungs burned who the hell did I think I was a marathon runner? Fuck I'm stupid. " did you run here" he asked softly making me nod my head and get more water. " to tell me you forgave me?" I dropped to me knees. Like I couldn't take it right now shit. I'm in. Pain I will never do that again. " that's all I wanted to say I'm leaving now" I whispered standing up and grabbing another bottle for the WALK back. "NO! Not yet I need to know why?" He begged I whipped my eyes from the loose tears and nodding my head again to tired to speak. "Just...carry me to your room... I need to take a shower first.... I don't feel to hot" I spoke waisting more air. He complied picking me up bridal style and walking that direction. " why are you wet?" He question again. " your neighbors sprinklers" I flushed a light red. But I felt this pain on my calf probably a cramp. He set me on the bed as he went to start the water for me. At this point all I wanted was to get in this shower. I threw my close off leaving me in my under garments and slowly limped there. My leg kept cramping. "Stay in here" I whispered as I crawled in shutting the glass door before he saw me. I sat on the ground and let the water hit me.

"I forgive you because I heard your message Harry." And his face went down a little "oh-"

"I was speechless. I heard something In your voice , your weren't begging but all you wanted was my forgiveness and I sat on the floor crying my eyes out because I want you back so bad.. But I know I can't have you just yet. And I want you to understand that it will take time because I'm so hurt Harry." I whispered not crying anymore.

"I understand" he whispers back to me as I sat in the bathtub letting the water hit my soar body.

" I called Luke and apologized because I knew it upset you when that whole thing happened" he smiled lightly making me smile lightly " thanks"

I walked to his bed dressed in some sweats I've left here before and a short sleeves. "Can you stay here tonight" he asked sitting on the bed " I haven't gotten any sleep with out you" he whispered softly making my heart want him even more. "I'll stay... But don't think any of it... I really do need time" I spoke getting into his bed. "Maybe we could start over as friends first and work are way up" he spoke scooting in the bed. "Maybe" I whispered as my eyes grew heavier.

"But tonight let me hold you" he whispered before grabbing my waist and holding me as I drifted off to sleep peacefully

( authors note! This shit was long!)

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