Peter and Brian in 'There's A Criminal in my House'

The Family Guy parody series continues with the first Oscar-winning Wallace and Gromit film 'The Wrong Trousers'. Again, I own nothing. All rights belong to Nick Park and Seth MacFarlane. First published on 28/02/2010, but revised and updated for Wallace and Gromit's 25th anniversary.


4. I Knew It!

Wallace was enjoying his morning lie-in.
    “Oh, that was a lovely beer we had last night!” Wallace sighed happily. “Who says that having a lie-in is wasting your life? This is life and – ”
    Then the bed lunged forward and Wallace slipped down through the hole and landed in the dining hall. He didn't land in a chair, but into a pair of trousers.
    “It's the wrong trousers!” cried Wallace. “The bloody wrong trousers.” Then he looked down to where the controls used to be; only they weren’t there anymore. Instead, there was a golden plate, saying, ‘These trousers are dictated to Tim Allen, who committed suicide due to the cancellation of Home Improvement.’
    Then the trousers beeped and Wallace began to walk! He headed out of the kitchen, then out of the house and out onto the street.
    “Now, stop this, Gromit! This ain’t funny!”
    But the trousers didn't stop and Gromit was nowhere to be seen.

It was a bright and sunny morning. Not a bird in the sky or a car on the road, so it was also a peaceful morning. Then an alarm clock was ringing… from a dustbin! The lid opened and Gromit was thrown out.
    “I'm sorry about the alarm clock, Oscar,” said Gromit, “but – ”
    “It's not the alarm clock,” interrupted Oscar the Grouch. “It's because you can't afford my rent. My bed and breakfast service may seem cheap, but I still need money, you know.”
    And he closed down the lid. Gromit sighed and walked off.

Later, Gromit was looking at signs for rooms to lend. All he could find was no dogs allowed, no pets allowed and no Edward Wood Jr. fans allowed.
    “Oh, god,” Gromit sighed. “This is hopeless. If only I had some hope to – Wait, what’s that?”
    Then he saw a sign with a picture of a chicken. It said, ‘WANTED. HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHICKEN, FEATHERS MCGRAW? REWARD: £10,000.’
    “With that money,” said Gromit, “I could donate more money to the poor more than Robin Hood.”

In Nottingham, the villagers gathered around as Robin Hood and his merry men arrived.
    “Don’t worry,” said Robin. “Here is your money.”
    He wiggled his finger to his merry men and they gave the people their money. But they weren’t happy.
    “A ha’penny?” cried a woman.
    “What happened to the three-pence per person you promised us?” demanded a man.
    “Well, since the country is in a recession,” said Robin, “we’ve had to cut down on our bit, too, you know.”
    “Boo!” shouted the Nottingham villagers.

Then Gromit heard screaming.
    “Help! Gromit!”
   The dog turned around to see Wallace running down the streets and going so fast that he past Rocky Balboa!
   “So you wanna fight, huh?” shouted Rocky and went after Wallace.
   Gromit was so confused that he just walked away. Then he bumped into a red speeding light. A poster landed on his head. He pulls a poster off his head. It read, ‘Join the DC Flash Charity Race to sponsor the DC enterprise. Techno trousers allowed!’

Wallace's trousers finally stopped at electrical recycling area.
   “Finally,” panted Wallace. “I can now get out of these crap trousers for good!” He tried to get out, but he was stuck as if he had stunk halfway in a quicksand pit.
   “What's going on, Wallace?” asked Gromit as he caught up with Wallace. “If you want, you could have my present and I'll buy myself an Apple laptop, you know since Bill Gates let us down with the – ”
   “NO! It's the wrong trousers, Gromit, and they've gone bloody wrong!” shouted Wallace, walking away again. “Stop them, Gromit! Get me out!”
   But Gromit could see something else – the penguin with the techno trousers controls on a remote. Gromit tip-toed to him to try and get a better look. He fell down, knocking down a microwave.
   The penguin turned around, but saw nothing.
   “Just another watt exploding, I suppose,” he muttered and walked away, meddling with the controls.
   Gromit, hiding behind a giant plasma TV screen, saw everything and knew what to do.

Gromit followed the penguin back to 62 West Wallaby Street, but he didn't go in it. He hid in a Starbucks's shop and watched the progress through a pair of binoculars. He could see Wallace yawning and went to bed… in Gromit's techno trousers.
   “Wow, Wallace! A thirty minute jog in town and you're going back to bed already?”
   Then, through the cafe window, he saw the penguin walking past.
   When the time was right, Gromit followed and left a tip on the plate. A waiter came to pick it up. “Hey, boss!”
   The chef came. “What?”
   “This customer left change more than he should have. I feel like we must give him it back.”
   “No,” argued the chief waiter. “If he gave us that money, we should keep it. I need to take my family on holiday for the first time in five years.”
   “But this is thieving!” shouted the young waiter.
   “Yeah, but we'll get away with it!”

Gromit tracked the penguin to the museum, thanks to one of the Ghostbusters's P.K.E. Meter.
    Then the P.K.E. Meter stopped working. Gromit shook it, but it didn’t come back to life. So he threw it into empty cardboard box. The box rattled and Slimer shot up.
   “Shh, Slimer, I’m sorry,” whispered Gromit.
   Slimer blabbered to him and flew away. Then Gromit saw the Ghostbusters running after the green ghost.
   Then Gromit decided to pick up the box and put it over him.
   Inside the box, Gromit saw that he wasn’t the only one in it.
   “Cyclopes?” he cried, as he jumped. “What are you doing here?”
   “Helping you,” replied Cyclopes. “Stand back.”
   Gromit stood back and watched the X-Man fire his laser to cut the holes for Gromit's eyes to see. He saw the penguin measuring up to a window. Then he saw Tigger bouncing near him.
   “Oh, Tigger, could you give me a lift up there?” asked the penguin.
   “Bouncing people up to windows is what Tiggers do best,” replied Tigger.
   The penguin jumped onto Tigger's back and Gromit witnessed the two reaching to the window. Tigger jumped down. Then the penguin measured the window. Then…
   “Help!” the penguin shouted. “I'm stuck and I can't get down!”
   Then Spider-Man arrived.
   “Hang on, buddy,” he said.
   He picked up the penguin and put him back on the ground.
   “Thanks, Spider-Man,” said the penguin, as he waved goodbye to the swinging-away Spider-Man.
   Then the penguin began walking. Then he saw a box with real-life eyes. He started to walk closer to it, when a strange sound was heard. The penguin could see a strange brown-hooded creature in a brown clock coming towards him and he quickly ran away.
   As Gromit lifted the box off, he saw Obi-Wan Kenobi taking his hood off.
   “Hello, there. Come here, my little friend. Don't be afraid.”
   Gromit didn't know what to say or do.

Gromit ran back to 62 as fast as he could. He ran up to his room and was stunned to see that his bone wallpaper was replaced by purple fish wallpaper.
   “My wallpaper!” he shouted. “This is terrible! Dammit, Wallace, we wouldn't be in this mess if you didn't start this ‘room to lend’ business!” Then he realised he lost focus on the mission.
   “Don’t lose focus,” he told himself, as he took a deep breath. “Now, where was I? Oh, yes!”
   Gromit quickly ran to the desk. On it, he found Michael Scofield's plans for breaking his brother Lincoln Burrows out! To make matters worse, he heard the dog flap!
   Gromit made sure the room was like he never entered it and hid under the bed sheets with Wallace. Wallace let out a great big fart in bed! Gromit hold his breath, trying not to cough.  Then he saw the penguin coming through with a red rubber glove on his head. It was Feathers McGraw from the poster he saw on the street this morning!
   Feathers looked at himself with his hand mirror. “Well, this is better a disguise than the one I had when Mystery Inc. found me.”

A few years ago in Lake Windermere, Mystery Inc. had caught a strange fish monster with a scary face and two strong legs.
    “And,” said Fred Jones, “the fish monster of Lake Windermere is really…” He took the costume off and revealed Feathers McGraw. “…Feathers McGraw!”
    “A penguin?” cried Daphne Blake.
    “And a very attractive and charming penguin,” said Feather, smacking his lips.
    “Ew!” moaned Daphne.

Feathers wasted no time putting the helmet on Wallace and getting him out of bed.
Wallace was still asleep and walking like Captain Jack Sparrow as the penguin led him out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
   The slam rumbled the room and that started the bed to lean out. That wouldn't be so bad… if Gromit wasn't still hiding in it! Since he was skinny, he slid down quickly, getting into Wallace's real trousers.
   He screamed as he hid the chair. “Ah! My balls!”
   Then the white sleeves caught his arms and the sweater landed on top of him.
   “Well, sir, you took my word,” said the dresser robot. “Listen to a robot sometimes. Just like Luke Skywalker does with C-3PO and R2-D2.”
   “I'm not Wallace, I'm Gromit!” shouted Gromit.
   “Now, if you'll excuse me, sir, your jam and toast awaits you.”
   The dresser robot moved away as Gromit turned around to see jam coming without the toast to hit it. So it hit the poor dog's face instead.
   “God, could life get any more complicated?” he sighed.

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