1. Nothing

Is this depression?

I'm not happy but I'm not sad.

I'm nothing.

I feel utterly bored but I don't want to do anything.

I'm not gonna off myself or cut and don't I hate everything.

It's just-

I have been laying on this floor for eight days straight.

I haven't ate or drank anything but I'm not hungry.

Every once in a while I fall asleep but it's like my body or my brain wants me to wake up so I can continue staring at this ceiling.

Every few hours or so, my brother opens the door and checks on me. He says my name and I don't respond. He tells me there's food in the kitchen and I close my eyes. If I'm sleeping he checks my pulse.

I think he's worried. I know I am.

I guess I should mention that we have no parents.

My brother, Derek, is only 22 and he's struggling to support a family. He takes online college classes and still works second shift at a factory that makes cardboard boxes.

Derek comes into my room to check on me.

"Ash? You okay? Alive?"

No response.

"There's food in the kitchen if you want to eat for once."

I close my eyes.

When I open them, my brain screams but my body gives no response. Derek is standing right over me scowling at my face.

"Get up." He says.


"Get. Up."


He grabs my hand in an attempt to pull me to my feet, but I'm so whatever that I just can't do it.

He lets go and I flop back on my head.

"What is wrong with you that you can't even stand up? You cannot lay here another day, I won't allow it!"

He grabs one of my hands and one of my feet and throws me over his shoulder.

"Something is wrong, Ash."

We're outside now. He puts me in the passenger seat of his Stratus and buckles me in.

If he's taking me to the hospital we're going to be driving for a while.

But the the heck am I talking about? I was just laying on the floor for the eighth day straight.

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