She had awoken, her long blondish hair curled beside her warm breath. As she had gasped over and over again for the same satisfaction that the others were given. She was given no word on whether she could awake or even die. She was told multiple times, over and over; ‘You will not leave this place.’ The words echoed in her encased mind. Her skull was covering up the words she wished to speak. Being held back for so long, is it any wonder why she couldn’t speak? Perhaps not. She awoke with her hands fiddling together whilst she smiled with her beautiful lips touching once more. She grasped her pillow with frustration and threw it to the other side of the room. As the pillow landed, the white door sealed with barbed wire had opened.


24. CHAPTER 24



Thousands of lives could have been on a train. Not really. A train holds as many as the capacity allows. This train, our train on rails, I knew it was going for the hills. Dangerous heights if all I can think of. Final words are always hard to leave behind, I choose to write them, instead of being so formal and happy. I’m afraid. We’re left behind. One man has ruined our ride. Destroyed our path ahead of time. Happy times soon to come were dissolved in the treacherous fires I dream of every night…

- The Conductor

Panda had a lot to say for himself, even if some information in his mind came out wrong through his speeches. He would always listen to her, if she had a choice. The boy named from a bear is just the start of someone she once knew. Panda stepped into the darkness once more, bringing the Little Girl with him. Before Panda could even take her to where he had planned to camp out in; thoughts started to eat his sanity away.

“Your name, I just realized. You don’t even have a name.”

“Yeah, big deal. You do, I don’t. I get the picture!” She hissed.

“Fine, fine, I name you my old teddy; Jack.” His eyes widened at hers.

“Um, I’m not sure if I like that name.” She flinched.

“THAT name is from my old TEDDY BEAR, and if you wish to argue with me and h-her. I might just have to take care of you too.”

“What’s with the change of mind?” She asked, ignoring what the boy had warned her about.

“Nothing changes. I was told to obey, just like you girly. And there’s me thinking that your bear-like instincts were going to lead me to a place I can be safe in. WE can be safe there, right? Come on, Jack, what do you say?”

“My name is not staying as JACK. I refuse to obey your laws, your rules, your ideas… I hate them.”

“No, no, no, shush. Quiet now. How are you going to tell them?” He sighed.

“With my voice. And if you can’t accept my voice being the powerful strengths between your dumb face, leading to your small ears. Well, I’m not responsible for your injuries.”

“Okay, I get it, follow me. Girly, you are one stubborn version of Jack. That’s why I saw you in his face.”

Her mind began to ponder; thinking of thoughts that meant very little to her. A teddy bear, a strange face, all in one? She thought more and more, remembering why a teddy bear was so important to a young boy. Her memory pushed her backwards, making her realize that a teddy bear was once a friend;


Not too many years ago . . .


“Ah, ha, ha, well, you can’t lie to me anymore.” A deep voice echoed from above her bedroom.

“I CAN, I want a friend, dada.” Her cute voice slid through the cracks in the floorboards.

“Very good. Mother always told me you’d want that. Up to before she—well… forget about it.”

“I just want a friend to be with.” She asked again.

“Now, now, darling—I can’t give you that. I know who can, and she’d be willing to give you it and all.”

“Why can’t you show me?” She sobbed.

“IF only I knew that too, pumpkin. I guess, I’m always going to be here. Talking to you from above, and not going to be able to give you the love—a child like you needs to grow up.”

“I miss you, and mother too.” She let out a few tears.

Light entered the room, a large door creaked as it opened. Darkness was melted away from the room, fading away ever so slowly. All the silhouettes in her room vanished in no time at all. Leaving her with a tall figure standing at her door. Her father’s voice faded away from her, no longer being able to hear his kind-father-like voice. Innocent to her, she remembered him as that and only that. The figure entered the room with a few footsteps towards her bedside.

“My baby, my sweet, sweet child.” Another innocent voice spoke out to her.

The Little Girl could not speak to the voice, she had no words to say. Her mind pondered into babyish thoughts; a father, a mother, playtime, fun, videos to watch, movies to listen to. All of the good times were rolling in her mind, just like how an old cassette tape would view with the sounds of crackling behind. She pulled her pillow from underneath her and placed it in front of her. Catching the tears that began to fall from her little eyes, her innocent face revealed as the light emitting from a candle grew out more and more. The voice spoke to her again and again.

“You and I, we’re going to get through tonight. Your father is not responsible for me or you, we’re both here for you.”

“Mom?” Her innocent voice crept out of her mouth.

“Yes, it’s me, child. My sweet girl, your father is yet to tell me your name. Why would he lie to me? Why would he tell me a false name?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Don’t listen to me, child. I’m rambling on and on, just ignore me.”

Revealing from her left pocket, her dark leather coat that she would wear when leaving the house for hours on hours. Two circular ears leaned towards the outside of her pocket, two beady eyes shined in the dark room. The Little Girl’s eyes looked to the object in her mother’s pocket. She smiled as the mother looked down at where she was looking, pulling out an object with limbs.

“You like? Aw, if only I could have watched you open it for me.”

“You still can, mommy. You still can, mother.”

“Only I wish, child. Only I wish to see your face on that day I missed, and will never come to that day, ever.”

“I’ll open it for you, mommy.” Her tone becoming more begging.

“Don’t be silly, child. Your smile always got me through the worse days.”

“Mommy, I don’t know if I want to grow up.” Her little voice waved through the air.

“Then, I may have to leave you, my child. You are always with me, as I am with you. I love you, my beautiful growing up girl.”

“Little girl, I’m exactly just that, a mother.” She sobbed in her long sleeves.

The figure faded away, her mother was gone, her father’s voice left behind.

The father standing at the door, a simple figure that was seen through the thick darkness behind, a thicker layer of shadows all over the walls. Cracks and broken bits of furniture emitting silhouettes of barely visible cob webs lined over toppled chairs. The roof almost caving in behind, the father standing still with his eyes on the little girl, his own daughter. His voice broke through the sadness, destroying all the tedious moments of her life. She relaxed as well as she could, ignoring the pleasant sounds of her after-noon snoring in her dreams. Her mind fresh, feeling hurt but relived due to her mother making an appearance. Showing her that she is not gone, not gone for as long as she thought to herself.

“Tragic, I’m a saviour my little girl, all grown up and ready to move on down?” He scoffed.

“Daddy? Your voice, why do you leave mother?”

“If I was to answer your childish questions, your continuous banging in my ears; I’d be dead to you and her.”

“Glass of water, p-please Daddy,” she bit her bottom lip in frustration.

“Very well, if you wish to have a drink, go ahead. You know where the sinks are, go to them, fill up your glass and just go to BED.”

“Okay, okay, calm down please.”

“CALM DOWN? How many times do I have to tell you to do what your good ole’ daddy tells you to do? Huh?”

“Once… daddy, just once…”

“GOOD, now get your things, get yourself a drink and put that fucking teddy away!”

In a fit of rage, he strikes his oiled fists at the walls in a ‘I want revenge’ kind of way. Striking the walls, he shouts many words, mumbling under his breath that his daughter is an Angel, a good one, one that obeys. Screaming about his wife being dead for more than thirty years, he kicks the door several times, biting the loose skin off his arms:

“You think this is it? Huh? Do you think I wanted your bullshit taste? Your laughs, your jokes, everything that reveals so much more to person! Why do you do this to me? Do you like playing games with daddy? My sweet…sweet baby girl.”

Shaking in fear, she cradles her full of fluff teddy, as its little limbs flop by its sides. Crying into the chest of the bear; her father not looking too happy with her looks down on her. As he calms down, his knuckles very clear to her, blooded and injured fingers, his finger nails still intact. The temper he had on him, it dropped down to his average self. Looking calm and a little shocked, wide eyed to see his daughter fearing him. He sits beside her and takes the glass from her little shook-scared to death fingers. Plying each finger away from the glass, he tries to level with her as best as he can.

“I’m sorry. This was not how I wanted this to be, not at all. I wanted the average man to come in here, take my daughter’s hand and tell her that she is an Angel, a true loveable daughter she is. Instead, I’ve seized myself in a corner with you feeling afraid behind bars, a surface I never wished to dig through. How dare I, how dare I do this to you.”

“You don’t think much about her, do you?” Her little voice mumbled through the teddy’s chest.

“I always think of her and this place. This place we live in, it’s not right, no, no, it’s not right at all. How could I do this to my own pride and joy? Simple. Scaring her to death, making her fear me, making her feel down and alone. SHUT UP, sorry, I need a breather. Did you always think of me as your daddy?”

She nodded in hesitation, remembering another man who stood in the household; who sat beside her bed every night, kept her awake and then made her go to sleep at a perfect time.

“Well, do you?” He asked again, avoiding the second question he wanted to ask her.

“Always. You’ve always been my daddy.” She threw herself at him, hugging him with fear around eating her mind.

“Good. I always thought of you as my baby girl, my own blood put into a beautiful creation. I bet you’ve never heard your mother say those words. Have you?”

“Sometimes, s-she always tells me about a bedtime—“

“No, she doesn’t and she never will, who am I kidding? She’s dead. We don’t need a special day to remember her by, she was dead to me the minute you were born.”


- Her eyes opened, feeling afraid of Panda being near her. –

“Wake up, come on, wake up NOW.”

“I’m awake, I’m awake, calm down.”

“Good, you were out, like so out I was afraid you weren’t going to come back.”

A loud thud reached her ears, she could hear several loud knocks colliding with the door every second that she was going to take a breath. Panda gasped, running to his bed and hiding underneath the covers. The Little Girl sat still, her mind still pondering, day dreaming that she was with some other man. A different father figure, someone who would always be there for her no matter what. She imagined him being tall, thin and powerful.

“…I’m asleep, I’m asleep, I’m asleep, I’m asleep…” Panda continued whispering to himself, repeating the same words several times.

The thudding ended, the door slammed open only to reveal a tall stranger who stood with a menacing grin on his face. Looking for at the floor, his eyes moved towards the bed where Panda was hiding. Scanning the room, he could see that there was no more sounds to be made, as he stepped into the room with his grin fading away. The Little Girl watched as the tall stranger sat down near the train set, as he looked on as the train crashed into a second train.

“Ha, ha, I remember when she was there, did she ever make it out of there?”

“Excuse me?” Her little voice flew towards his talkative self.

Turning his head to face her, he saw the little girl he never thought he’d see in the same room.

“Oh my, a little girl who has lost her parents. Are you okay little girl?”

“No, I’m scared, afraid, I want my daddy and my mother. As for my friends, I want them too!”

“Feisty, do you always ask for what you want?” His eyes moved towards her.

“Always? Sometimes. I just- I just don’t like to tell strangers my life story.”

“So little, yet so adult at the same time, am I missing something here?”

“No, I am lost like the boy inside here. I am lost without a reason to go home, I miss everything and you are just another one of them.”

“Them? Well, this is quite something—it reminds me of how this little kid disappeared into nothingness. The train would go by, slower and slower it would come to an end.”

“Why are you here?” She asked the immediate question that came to mind.

He revealed a sharp lined sword from underneath his inside of his coat pockets. Smiling as he looked down at it, his eyes to meet hers the moment she gasped.

“You seem tense, care to calm yourself down for a minute?”

Gasping a little more, she panted, her heart racing as the eyes rolled towards the blade with a sinister smile lurking in the darkness as she awaited her fate.

“No, I can’t just do that can I? It wouldn’t be polite, noble, what do you know about KIND? What do you know about POLITE? Nothing, and if you can prove anything to me, prove this: that boy is lost, if you can’t agree, prove to me that the boy knows he is lost. Ask him, make him know, make him understand, have fun.”

Bravely standing on her own two feet, she stood up the creature. Feeling the need to protect others, she raised above and kept her promise to herself.

“Tell me this, if you wanted to kill me. Why haven’t you done it already? Why is it important that this boy feels lost?”

“If only I could tell you. It would be so much easier, I know, I haven’t been too kind to you. What do you know about KIND?”

“Calm it, I want to hear you say it.” She whispered.

“That boy needs to know that he is lost for the sake of his family. You may not know, understand the poor child. What I can’t get my head around is that wall there. How it stares and you just ignore it, how do you do it?”

She rolled her eyes to a sly reply to his question that snapped off his left tooth. “It’s a WALL.”

“Yes, and why does it stare at you? No matter where I go, I feel watched and I feel like the walls are caving in. Now, that just sounds crazy right? So crazy that this man here, this thing with a stupid pathetic knife in his pocket. Blade, sword, whatever you want to call it. Why is he here before you? Why is he standing so menacing and angry?”

“You tell me, I presume you mean him.” She points at him with a squint in her left eye.

“Good… so the one who watches me is the same old, same old freak who kept me awake every night?” He looks at the reflection facing him. “Inverted yet you seem possible, you seem like you’d want to hurt someone. Now, tell me—why do you feel inner anger? Feel like the whole world is going down without you? Come on, that’s pathetic.”

One final roar in his voice, he digs the blade in his left hand. “Ah, so you do fight… you asked for it.” His voice fading as he said his last words whilst dying in the little girl’s arms. “A winner of them all, a saviour… how did you know?”

Looking down at his left hand, a blade dug deep into his skin and bones. “Weak, you are as weak as you thought you were.”

“Ah, weaker than him…good one…ha, ha, ha”

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