Can It Be

When Luce is called back home she didn't expect to ever find him again! Will she return to the country and pursue her lost love or will she stay in the city where all her friends are? Can love conquer all?


11. Matt or Jack?

I'm miserable, it's  only been a year but by god it's been slow I haven't forgotten about him, I keep his bracelet with me all the time. When I got back home I filled Sal in on my blast from the past and just how confused I am. I still see both her and Jonathan frequently and it has become our ritual to go down to the beach early mornings where we see Matt and some other mates down there. When I came back me and Matt continued to see each other but agreed that dating wasn't for us but have remained close and let our urges take over every now and then. And tonight I can't shake Jack from my thoughts maybe a little girl talk will help. I message Sal.
'Hey what are you doing tonight?'
'Nothing much wanna meet up?'
'Read my mind, where you at?'
'Just a bar call DJ's'

“Ah there you are, feels like forever since I have seen you!" Sal beams, it was true, since I had come back from dads I hadn't done too much night life with the others but tonight I was feeling lonely and needed the company.
"Yea I know sorry about that I've just been thinking about a lot of things, but you I need you to distract me from my thoughts.”
“Sure thing, first the drinks” She heads off and comes back with our spill all get drunk drinks; long island ice tea.
“Drink up and then we are going to dance and find some hot guys to take home." I look at her puzzled, has something happened between this guy of hers that I have missed?
"What he doesn't know won't hurt him." She winks answering my thoughts. We hit the dance floor and in minutes we are surrounded by gorgeous men, tonight though I want something that can take me to where I need to go. I pull out of the crowded space and send him a text.
'How's it going?' - that became our code for meeting up, my phone buzzes,
'good, where you at?'
'place called DJ's”
'gimme 5.'

Shit I better go pull Sal out and let her know I am bailing.
"Naw Luce you only just got here." We're out in the clear air waiting for him to come.
“Who are you waiting for?...OH I see." Just as Matt rounds the corner, I rush towards him and he sweeps me up and I kiss him mmmm a memory I can think of right now. Sal quickly pulls me aside
“Luce you can't keep using him, your gonna have to let him go sooner or later.”
“I know, I know I just..” Matt approaches,
“Hey Sal how you been?”
“Yea good,” she snobs him
“You still playing that guy?" He smirks, Sal turns and raises her eyebrows in with the facial expression 'you can't talk'
"Yea, yea you're right I know I can't talk." He knows too well he is getting played himself, he turns to me,
“Ready to go?"
“Yep” I turn to Sal blow her a kiss and mouth I promise I will.
She mouths you better! and she struts past the door and hails a cab.
Before we even reach his bed, we're ripping each others clothes off and Matt presses me into the wall, things are getting heavy I wrap my legs around his waist to get leverage as he pushes into me. This is what I needed and just as I am about to go into ecstasy I let out what I have been thinking but have never told him.
"I love you" My hand grips his hair and my body collapses around his as he lets go himself. He gently walks us over to his bed and lays me down then joins me as he props himself up on his side next to me. His finger traces my stomach as he studies my body.
“Did you really mean that?” Shit he definitely heard it.
“Matty you know I have always loved you.”
“Yea but Luce I really need to know, this time for real.”
“I just don't know Matt, I am so confused right now.”
“Yea well so am I, I hadn't heard from you in a month! Nothing Luce not even hello how are you, how do you think I feel? Don't get me wrong I love being with you but I don't know if I can keep doing this anymore you know.”
“I don't want to keep hanging on I just, we know each other so well, it's like you know every part of me when I am with you, I'm in my comfort zone with you.” I had to stop using him to stop thinking about Jack it was only going to hurt more.
“Luce the reason I am asking you this is because well..” he shifts and now sits up, I come up behind him and kiss his shoulder and rest my head on his back.
"I've met someone and well I just want to know what you and I are before I go any further with this girl." He lets out a sigh,
"You drive me crazy when I am with you like this" I sigh back I know what I have to do.
"I know, and it's not fair, I can't do this to you." I get up and start to put my clothes back on it's a bit hard when your vision starts to get blurry from tears. This hurts but I know that my love for Matt is more that of a true friend. He lets out a moan as if he is in agony, he fumbles after me
“Wait” he pulls me into a passionate don't go kiss.
“When you walk out this door you know we can't do this anymore, but” he stops himself swatting the thought with his hand knowing the outcome. My hand slips from his and I close the door behind me. I rest me head there for a minute trying to hear anything, 'keep walking luce.' I tell myself.
I'm a wreck what the fuck did I just do? I dial Sal's number when I get to the footpath. Before she has time to say hello, I blurt out with a massive heave
"I did it, I let him go."
"WHAT?! I am coming right over" Me and Sal meet up at the corner shop and I spill my beans,
"Girrlll, you better go find him stat and let him know what you are thinking before you loose him as a friend as well." Shit what have I done! Luckily I know where he goes when he feels like shit.
"Go get him." Sal says and I am up again in search for Matt.
The bell jingles as I walk into the little coffee shop, for late night it is actually quiet packed. I spot him, he looks like how I feel. I hear his order being called, time for some fun. I go up and collect it instead and start to make my way out.
"Hey! Excuse me." I got his attention, I keep walking until I am out the door he is still on foot I take a sip so he sees,
"I believe you have the wrong coffee."
"You're right I tastes like crap." I swivel around to face him, he stares as me and then registers it is me and his smile comes back.
“Can we hit rewind?"
"Up to what part?" He winks and gestures to a seat outside.
"I just can't leave us on that note, I am sorry for walking out, I really just don't want to be that bitch that leads guys on and Matty that is what I was doing to you. I need to come clean...” and I finally tell him all about Jack.
“I do love you, I love you so much but Jack, Jack is my soul mate. I cherish you so much though and I really don't want to lose our friendship over this." He reaches out and squeezes my hand.
"Thank you, Luce I too have really met someone that is why I wanted to see if we had anything, but I know now that our hearts are with someone else. I love you too much to ruin what we have on a relationship, hell we tried it already." We both laugh as it's true.
"And Luce you don't have to worry we both agreed to this casual sex and yes we both probably abused it when we needed the company but you know you have a friend in me and I'm not going anywhere." Trust Matty to have pearls of wisdom at this hour. We look into each others eyes seeing for the first time we love someone else. We stand and seal our casual sex chapter with a long heart felt goodbye kiss. As our lips part, we chime together,
“Go get em.”  We crack up, god we know each other too well.
Since mine and Matt's sex chapter is closed, Sal must of told Jonathan as every now and then he tries to get  friendly manly when he has been drinking,  but I shut it down, he has supposably had a string of bimbos over their apartment so Sal says. Sal has been keeping low lately I think she is still in a relationship with this Jonathan guy – yes Sal in a relationship for longer that 2 months, though I still haven't met him. My suspicions tell me that it's our Jonathan. Just the vibe I pick up around them sometimes. I haven't had the guts to ask her yet, maybe she is embarrassed to tell me of all people. I think they work together really well though as strange and fucking twisted that sounds.

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