Phan One-Shots

Just an ongoing collection of Phan(Dan Howell & Phil Lester) One-Shots. ((Warning: Some may contain Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Drug and Alcohol Abuse, Domestic Violence, Sexual Abuse, Rape, and Major Swearing.))


2. Be My Escape

A/N: This one-shot is based on the song 'Be My Escape' by Relient K


I'm giving up on giving up slowly

I'm blending in so you won't even know me

Apart from this whole world that shares my fate...


I was walking along the pavement, book in hand, heading to my favorite spot to read: atop on the hill, where it's breezy and open. I couldn't read anywhere else, if I tried I wouldn't be able to concentrate. I got on up where it got grassy and there were trees here and there. The perfect reading spot. I was the only one who actually was up here the whole day, although, there's this one guy, he stays most of the day. Sometimes, I glance up from my book to see him staring at me, then when I'd look up, he turned his head. I thought it was just a coincidence the first few times but it's been an everyday thing after that. I moved to different spots a couple times, but it still happened. It didn't bother me much, mostly because I was bi and this guy was pretty good looking. 

One day, I got up there and he wasn't there. The clouds were settling in and was probably about to rain. I shrugged it off, thinking I had about 30 minutes before it started to pour. I got sat down, my back against a tree and I opened my book. I was currently reading the book Beautiful Creatures. I thought it would be too romantic, but it was actually pretty good. I read a few pages when the wind grew stronger; a sign that it was about to storm. I kept reading until I felt a few drops of water cling to my face. I knew it was time to go back and get inside but I was so oblivious to what was actually happening, and I couldn't stop reading. The wind grew stronger and stronger, but it didn't pull me out of my gaze at the book, it was so interesting. Then it started to thunder; making the ground shake as well as me. I looked up, finally, noticing the deep dark clouds gathering above me. I quickly got up and stuffed the book into my jacket, not wanting it to get wet. Then I saw something out of the corner of my eye...


This one last bullet you mention

Is my one last shot at redemption

Because I know to live you must give your life away...


It was the boy that I saw everyday. He was shouting something but I couldn't hear him over the thunder and the rain now starting to pour. I was still standing next to the tree, and now he was running toward me. I didn't know what he wanted, so I just stood there, waiting. His shouting was louder now that he was closer but it was muffled. He pointed up wanting me to see something. And there it was; a funnel cloud. "God Dammit!" I shouted, not knowing what else to do. The boy finally got to where I was. He was covered in rain, and breathing heavily.

"You.. Need... To... Come.. Now!" He said after every breath. He grabbed my arm and ran. I was running behind him, not having a choice. I looked back to see the funnel had touched the ground, headed right toward us. "Holy crap!" I shouted, making him turn around. His eyes got wide but he turned around and kept running, while dragging me behind him. I glanced back a couple times to see that it was getting even closer. "We're not gonna make it!" I yelled, then I saw something come into my vision. It was a storm shelter. I sighed of relief, and then I glanced back one more time, it was even closer now. I turned back to the front. "Duck!" The boy yelled and I did so. 


And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity

And I've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key

And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me...


I saw complete darkness. What had happened? Was I dead? Did we get sucked into the tornado? Where am I? 

"Are you okay?" I heard a voice ask.

"Y-yeah.. I think so." I said. Then a light flicked on. The boy was standing there. His chestnut hair falling over his face, dripping with water. "W-what happened?" I asked.

"I just saved your ass. That's what happened." He said, chuckling, walking over to me, "We'll probably have to stay here a while. They said it would last hmm.. maybe an hour or so. I couldn't hear it real well." He said. All I could do was stare at him. He had saved my life.. Sort of. Plus, he was beautiful. 

"Okay.." I said, my voice trailing off, "What are we supposed to do while we wait..?"

"Something to keep us occupied, obviously. Don't you have a book?" He asked. Crap. My book. I unzipped my jacket and pulled it out, "I don't think I'll be able to read this anymore.." He laughed. My book was soaking wet, "So much for trying to keep it dry.." I said and giggled, "Now what am I supposed to do?" I sat down on the concrete floor, crossing my legs. He sat down beside me.


And even though there's no way in knowing

where to go, I promise I'm going because...


"How 'bout we get to know each other?" He said, looking up at me. His eyes were a deep hazel/brown. Almost like his hair.

"Sure." I said, "You go."

"Well. My name's Dan, I've lived here my whole life, and my parents hate me." He said, "Now you." His parents hate him?

"Uhh.. My name's Phil, I just moved here, and uh- I love Muse." I said.

"Cool. I love Muse too. I also love My Chemical Romance." He said.

"Famous Last Words is my favorite song." I said, "And I love reading. As though, you probably knew that already." I said, laughing a little.

"Haha, yeah." He said, "I spend most of my time in here, just listening to music. Sometimes I won't come out for days."

"Really? Why's that?" I asked.

"To get away from my parents." He said and sighed, "They literally just hate me. They sometimes even throw a few punches and some kicks here and there." His voice cracked. I didn't say anything, I just looked at him. "They scream at me and yell. And sometimes I just can't take it." I truly felt sorry for him.

"I'm sorry." I said, whispering a little.

"N-no. You don't have to be sorry. It's my fault anyways. I guess I deserve it." He said.

"Why would you deserve something like that?" I asked.

"Because I'm gay. And they're homophobic." He said, looking into my eyes.


I gotta get outta here

I'm stuck inside this rut I fell into by mistake

I gotta get outta here

And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you...


"Just because you're gay doesn't mean you deserve it," I said, "They need to just accept it and move on. That's what my parents did." I said, not breaking eye contact.

"Y-your parents did?" He said, "Are you gay too?"

"Well.. Sorta.. I'm- uh, bi." I said.

"Oh. Well that's not as bad. At least you kinda like the opposite gender." He said. I couldn't help but stare at him. He sounded helpless and alone, probably thinking no one would accept him.

"That isn't the point." I said, "I'm saying that they just need to suck it up. They shouldn't judge their own child because he's different." He was still locked onto my eyes, "You know, you're the only one that's ever said that to me."

"Really?" I asked, shocked. "Yeah. Everybody else also thinks I'm a freak." He said.

"You're not a freak. You're human, everyone's different in their own ways. People should just be able to accept it. It's not your fault." I said.

"Yeah. I'm human. Humans make mistakes, and I think I've made a huge one." Dan said. Just then, I heard some rumbling above us and looked up. The storm still wasn't over.

"You haven't made a mistake, Dan. You are who you are. And there are people out there who accept you." I said, looking back down.

"Like who?" He asked, sadness in his voice.

"Like me." I said, "I accept you and I just met you. That must say something." He didn't say anything and looked at the floor. It stayed silent about five minutes and I couldn't take it anymore, "What else should I know about you?" I asked. He didn't say anything. I sighed, "Look. I know you feel bad about this, people have made me want to cry myself to sleep at night. Sometimes I even want to kill myself. But I don't. I don't because I know there's someone out there that cares. I know there's a whole lot more out there than what we're seeing. That's what keeps me alive." He looked up at me, surprised. I can't believe I just said that.

"Y-you've wanted to kill yourself?" He asked. I nodded, "Uh.." I scratched the back of my neck, "Yeah.."


To be my escape.


"I-I think the storms over.. Uh, you can go home.." He said.

"I don't want to go." I said, "Oh, and I didn't say I've tried to kill myself. I've just wanted to."

"I know..." He said.

"Look. I'm just gonna come right out and say it." I said, and he looked back up at me, "Uh.. I-I really like you.. Like.. A lot.." His eyes widened, shocked at what I said, "Y-you do?" He asked.

"Y-yea-Yeah, I do." I said and looked down. 

"You've only known me for an hour." He said, "And how could you like me? I'm a freak."

"You're not a freak."


I'm giving up on doing this alone now

'Cause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown now

He's told me the way and I'm trying to get there...


"I am. Don't even try to tell me different." He said. My mouth hung open, "I'm trying to tell you different! I'm trying to get you to see something here!" I yelled, furious, "There are people out there that will accept you and like you! You're not a freak and you're perfect! Even though I've only known you a fucking hour, I already know you're amazing and beautiful!" The was a couple seconds of silence. "Y-you really mean that?" He asked. "Yes! I do, and you should be happy. You don't deserve to be screamed at by your family just because you're different." I said, calming down a bit, "You shouldn't have to go home to that. I can see why you stay down here all the time."

"Y-yeah. I-I realize that now.. And P-Phil?" He said.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"I-I like you a lot too." He said.


And this life sentence that I'm serving

I admit that I'm every bit deserving

But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair...


"Good." I said smiling, "Now I can do this." I leaned over and kissed him. I could feel him smile halfway into it. I pulled away, smiling.

"T-that was nice.." He said. "See, I told you." I said. He laughed. Everything was forgotten from that last conversation. We were both happy now. Smiling like idiots.

"And I still don't want to leave." I said, "I wanna stay here with you."

"Don't you want to see how your family is? They're probably worried about you." He said.

"Ah, that can wait 'til later." I said.

"Are you sure? I'll come with you." He offered.

"Nah. I think they're fine. Quit worrying about it so much." I said.

"Okay. Okay." He said and laughed, "We can stay here a little longer."

"Yay!" I said.


'Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity

And I've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key

And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me...


"Got a question." He said.

"Shoot it." I said.

"Does this mean we're uh.. dating?" He asked. I thought for a moment before answering,

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think it does." I said. He smiled, "Good. Now can do this." He said and kissed me again. More passionately. I grabbed his waist and pulled him closer to me. I think I could get used to this.


I've gotta get outta here

I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake

I've gotta get outta here

And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you...

To be my escape.


And with that, we started talking and laughing. Not caring about anybody else at the moment. 

I'm glad he kept staring at me while I was reading. I'm glad I just stood there, not knowing what to do. I'm glad he pulled me in here. If none of that had happened, I wouldn't be the happiest person on the planet right now, with the best boyfriend ever.


And all I was trying to do

Was save my own skin,

But so were you...

So were you.

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