[Prequel] I Dont Want Him To Leave

PREQUEL TO CAN HE BE THE ONE?
This is Kris Irwins story, before Ashton left to help out his band, 5 Seconds of Summer. When she meets a boy at a club what does her life turn into? How will she deal when Ashton leaves for 3 years?

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10. Time Lapse

~Im gonna jump to a month after Ashton left.~ 

*Warning explicit/triggering content*

I woke up to my phone going off. i sighed and looked at the screen, Ashton was calling. "Hello?" i said sleepily. "Oh shit did i jsut wake you up?" "Kinda.. but its okay. i got school in like an hour." "I jsut wanted to say that i miss you. youre 17 in a few months right?" "Duh" i said. "Well when youre 18 maybe i can convince Mom and Dad to fly you out here and be with us for a bit." "That would be awesome Ash. I gotta go get ready for school." "Look at you being a good kid. Love you kiddo." "Love you too asshole." i laughed. i hung up the phone and got out of bed. Suddenly the room started spinning. "MOOOOM!" i called. i heard the foot steps and then he came into my room. "Whats up hunny?" "I dont feel good." i said holding onto the window sill and putting a hand to my forehead. "Oh no... just stay home from school today hun. Ill call it in." she said and left. I slid down the wall slowly and sat there with my head in my hands. I havent really eaten in 3 days.. which is probably why i got so dizzy. I sat on my floor untill i heard the cars start up and leave. i pulled myself up and looked out the window, everyone left. My eyes welled up with tears. I went francticly searching through my room. I had one thing in mind.  I picked up this habit after Ashton left. James and i got back together and hes just as abusive to me. I grabbed the tissue box on the side of my bed and stuck my hand to the bottom, i felt around and came across a cold metal. i pulled it out and looked at it, tears streaming down my face. The blade had crusted on blood onto the edge. it was a faded silver and about an inch long. I stumbled into my bathroom and locked the door. i blasted my music so that the neighbors couldnt hear my wailing. I took my pajama pants off to reveal my sliced up legs. Most were just scabs now. This was a daily thing for me now. I took the blade and put it against my thigh, i pushed down and dragged it across fast. i took the blade up and looked at the cut, blood welled up slowly. it was a deep one. most of mine were now. Tears started falling more as the blood ran down my leg. i continued to drag the blade across my leg. When i ran out of room on my thighs i started on my calf. after about 30 minutes of just cutting and crying i put the blade down shakily and looked at myself in the mirror. My ribs showed by now, and my hip bones too. I looked at the bloody picture in the mirror and started crying even more. I turned the shower on and took my shirt and underwear and bra off. I stepped into the shower and sat down, letting the blood rinse off of me. I started wailing. just screaming basically. At this point the song 'Never good enough' by Rachel Ferguson came on. It dawned to me that i didnt have to live this life. I quickly washed up and jumped out. i was still bleeding. i took a dark blue towel and dried off. i bandaged my leg so i wouldnt bleed all over the place. After that i ran out to my room and grabbed a black maxi dress and put that on. then i grabbed my phone. I texted Katie. 'Im so so sorry but i cant take this anymore. Tell my Mom and Dad and Ashton that i love them. I love you so much. thank you for being there for me but it just wasnt enough. Tell James this is his fault. Beat his ass love.. This is goodbye.' I sent the text and grabbed my moms anti depressant meds, my dads bipolar meds and a bottle of Jack Daniels. I ran back up to my bedroom before i disappeared into my bathroom. I opened the meds and i opened the Jack. My face was soaked with tears. My phone went off as i was about to start downing pills. 'Kris.I swear. dont do it! ill be right there!' I didnt answer and i started to down the pills, id take a handful and wash them down with JD. My phone went off again. 'Kris i swear to god. if you dont answer me im calling an ambulance' I didnt answer again. I kept downing pills. 10... 20...30... 40... 50 pills. that was all of the pills i had here. I finished off the JD and soon my vision started going black. "im sorry.." i slurred. "I love you.." i said to no one. "Dont mourn me." i said before i blacked out. 

 

~A/N~

Emotional roller coaster.. but sorry i haven't updated in a while. I've been really depressed and anxious about starting a new school so. i haven't been able to get on. I got a good idea this morning cos I've been feeling like crap and wanting to self harm and kill myself again. So i took it out in this chapter. im sorry.

-Kat

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