Keeping Secrets

All Aileen ever wanted was to forget. You shouldn't need to be told; death doesn't make good memories. Moving to Beacon Hills has placed more stress on the mental locks that hold all of Aileen's secrets, and there's no telling what will come to the surface. Will she fall deeper into her hopeless pit or rise up with others like her?
*Teen Wolf Fanfiction*

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29. Veracity

(Season three Episode eight)

           I've lost count of how long I've been down under, and I've lost faith in yelling for help. I might have an infection from the wound my uncle gave me, and the reopened scar has closed and healed fairly well on my collarbone. Property. You can see it clearly now. The scar was beginning to fade, it had been a year you know, but like all things in the past... they just come back around.

           Just like how he leaves, he comes back the same way. His footsteps walk the same path and leave the same as well. Derek walks in and looks at me. I sit on the ground,  unable to try to run in my physical condition. Even if the external damage to my body did eventually heal, I still wouldn't be able to fight a werewolf and win. He comes closer and sits beside me. Close but too far to touch. I could see Steven's energy beside him. Waiting for a moment of weakness to possess Derek and get me out of here. I wanted to jump at the opportunity of escape, but another part of me felt like I should stay, conflicted.

"You've come to set me free." I smile. Derek doesn't seem amused.

"I've already told you, people are after you. Your not safe out there." I bang my head on the ground and groan annoyed.

"How did you even know?" I ask lifting my head up, "This is bullshit." Does he know about Ms. Blake... or should I say Jennifer. Seriously, what is it with the Hale's and meeting women named Jennifer.

"Deucalion."

"What." I'm suddenly listening closely. Leaning toward him.

"He's the one who told me you were in trouble."

"Why? He's the one she said I should be worried about."

"Who." Derek moves closer, "Who!"

"Never mind.' I shut down. I can't tell.

"Well, whoever it was, they were right. Your in trouble and you won't tell me a damn thing."

           I feel bad. Derek doesn't like not knowing. It's killing him. He is right, in a sense. I'd been attacked by people, many people. It wasn't safe for me, but I don't want to be held captive. First the incident with Chris Argent, and there had been others who attacked me before Derek took me hostage. And then John.

"What's there to tell?"

"The truth, you've been keeping secrets Aileen."

"Fine. I'll tell you."

         I hadn't told anyone before. He probably won't even believe me.

***

(over a year ago)

"Knock knock." Will said as he leaned on my door frame.

"Who's there." I sat at my desk with my pile of weekend work before me. I was focused on the English paper that was due the following Monday.

           I hear Will scoff before answering, "How do I look?"

            It was homecoming night. William was dressed nicely, a tux and a smile, and he was checking in on the me. Asking me if he looked okay. I wasn't going to bother going to homecoming. I'd been having troubles of my own, and I was far to busy with my paper. Of course that was just an excuse. Steven had been bothering me.

            Will should have been gone already, leaving around this time, he would miss the meal that he paid for. Not to mention his date.

"You look fine." I glanced up for maybe a second before tilting my head back down. I'd only written my name on my paper and the prompt. I couldn't abandon the entire thing, but I couldn't think of anything to write about either.

"You barely even saw me." he said. I could tell by his enthusiasm that he had been trying so hard to contain a smile.

           I move my books aside and take off my reading glasses to look at him, "What?" I wondered why he wanted me to judge his looks when he clearly already knew he looked great. I studied him more closely and realized what was off, the colors. I thought Katy was going to wear silver. Not blue, "What's behind your back?" I asked noticing his hands awkwardly behind his back. The question only caused his smile to widen.

"It's your dress," he pulled out my blue dress and shook it in front of me. My mom bought the dress for me expecting me to go to homecoming. She was, of course, upset when I told her my plans, but respected them anyhow. My dress had been sitting in my closet since then. I threw my pen on my desk and turned my chair to my closet,

"How did you..." I say turning back to him. I could have sworn I never left the room all night, "What about Katy." I raised my brows. They had been planning to go together since... well forever. They had gone every year since their freshmen year.

"She called me and... well, she can't come. She's got a bad fever." he said fidgeting with the wood on the door. Is he lying?

"Even if that's true, you wouldn't be able to take me, her name's on the list.

"Seriously?" he throws the dress at me, "Just get ready." he rolled his eyes before leaving the room. Who was I to argue with an older sibling?

           I held the dress up to me in the mirror and swayed, watching the color blue move in waves. Like the ocean. Beautiful. I planned to get a beach house when I was older and go to the beach in the summer, just watching the water run in and out with no direction or restriction.

           I was smiling.

           The mirror cracked over my reflections face and I felt my smile fade, "Cut it out Steven." Will had told me not to ignore Steven, that way he wouldn't be as angry. I tried, but he never talked back to me. The most he would ever do is stare. Sometimes... if I was lucky, I could see his reflection.

            The mirror cracked even more, and the pieces fell to the floor with a crash. A sharp edge managed to graze the end of my foot. I bend and pull the piece out, fresh, warm blood slowly dripping toward the floor. I head to the bathroom and a piece of the mirror zooms past my face and lands in the wall beside me. I take a breath afraid. I force the shallow breaths down, and continue on to bandage my foot.

"Jesus, what happened?" Will pops his head through the door.

"Would you believe me if I said I cut myself shaving?"

"Steven." he understands and cleans and dresses my wound."

"I don't think I should go tonight." I say. My voice quivers. My brother takes me in his arms and looks me in the eyes.

"You are going. You can't let Steven decide your life.

            I choose to believe him. Even if there was still a sick feeling in my stomach. I head back to my room, and see books scattered across the floor and a message written on my English paper. Don't leave. You'll regret it. I ignored it, slowly deleting the words and picking up the broken glass and books on the floor. I try to get the piece of glass wedged into the wall near the door, but I can't, so I give up.

           I get into the dress and walk over to Will's room, and finding he wasn't there, I went downstairs. Dad and Mom were there, smiling and taking pictures of me. I couldn't hide my blush. I was amazed that all of them would do that for me. It was just a dance. A stupid dance.

"You guys should go, or you'll be late." Dad said rushing Will and me out the door. Mom had go to see if the twins were alright. One of them was throwing a fit.

"You going to be alright without us?" Will smiled playfully.

"Why wouldn't we be?" my father returned waving us out. All the more reason for us to leave. I felt the cool breeze the second I walked out the door. I didn't think too much of it. There was a black dog standing just outside of the woods by our neighbors house. I didn't think too much about that either.

"Hey," Will shook my shoulder, "Are you okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, trying to shake the reminder of my reoccurring nightmare out of my mind.

...

            William and I arrive at the dance and... well, I guess we just did what everyone else did. We had fun dancing and talking with some friends. Watched everything going on. It was nice. I'd felt normal for once.

             I remember Will's smile. He was so happy, probably to see me happy. I will never forget his smile. At least not the way it looked. Or the way it made me feel. I remember his embrace, the comfort I felt in his arms. And the rest of my family's arms for that matter. I felt loved. I felt alive.

             Time spoke and told Will and I to return home after a long night. I was a mess. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, and I was ready to collapse, tired I guess. My mind didn't even come to think of the mounds of homework I would have to do the next day. Just that I didn't want the day to end. We'd gotten to the front door, laughing still, waiting to get Mom or Dad to open the door so we could get out of the cold. Such a cold night. We could hear Mom and Dad listening to some music, and the lights were on, so we knew that they were still awake.

"It's freezing." I released my breath watching it disappear. Will laughed. The smile on his face still. I didn't know a smile could be a weakness.

"Tell me about it."

           I had no idea the sudden coldness in the air was a warning. It had disappeared as quickly as it had come. I knocked on the door again.

            I turned to Will, and he grabbed me by the shoulders and kissed me. I shoved him away from me soon after and there was a new look to him. A different smile.

"What the hell." I crossed my arms looking back at the door still waiting for it to open. My eyes had slowly made their way to Will, knowing what was wrong but wishing it wasn't true. Our eyes met, "Steven?" I'm amazed.

            Will grabs me by the neck and pushes me against the door, "Such foul language." he said. It was Steven talking, but he was just using Will's words. A small slit of time went by and next thing you know, Steven had thrown me through the front door. I swear I heard my head crack when I hit the ground. I was seeing stars and I could hardly keep my eyes open. 

            Mom was in the kitchen doing the dishes. Dad was arranging the books. They did that every night. They were listening to the same songs. I can never get them out of my head.

           I heard William walk on the broken door and my parents screams. He picked me up and dragged me into one of our families dining room chairs. He pinched my cheeks and flicked me on the forehead a couple dozen times. Trying to keep me awake.

"Hey," he said, "you got to stay awake for this." I could feel blood drip down my forehead. I wish he could have cut out my eyes and covered my ears. Instead he left me defenseless in the mind.

           I saw him beat my mother and father like punching bags before sitting them into chairs across from each other. He had gotten the twins from their bedroom and put them on the dining room table. Everyone seemed to be yelling, but in reality, they could hardly speak. The situation had rendered them speechless. They didn't understand why their son would do this. And all I could think, was that this were all my fault. He warned me. He told me I'd regret it. And I ignored him.

            Will... Steven took the hammer from the toolbox in the garage and... he...

            I don't want to remember.

            And he bashed the twins heads in.

           It was like cutting the head off a chicken. So much blood. Don't let it touch your skin. And the blood just kept coming, and it continued to splatter, splatting onto our faces. You could taste it in your mouth. He... he was ruthless. He just... Steven just kept bringing the hammer to their heads. They were already dead. He knew it, we all did, we were mourning already. But he just, kept hitting them. Out of anger, out of spite, he just wouldn't stop.

           It was overkill.

            We weren't silent. Mother and father had been screaming their heads off and all I could do was just sit there. In horror. God, the horror.

           Then, mother. He made sure dad was watching. It wasn't nearly as brutal for her. All he had to do was take a kitchen knife from the kitchen and make one good clean cut across the throat. He thought it was funny. We being what was left of us. Father made sure not to cry. For his dignity or something, but watching both mother and the twins, it was clear that he had already given up. When his time came, there was no wishing for mercy. Just the sweet relief of death after loosing everything he ever lived for.

           And then I was alone.

"Kill me." the weakness in my voice was plain. I've always been weak. I still am weak.

           Steven laughed. And he smiled, ruining the best quality of my brother. And instead of killing me, he chose to branded me. P. R. O. P. E. R. T. Y. The splitting of my skin was the removal of my humanity. And it was painful.

           I am property.

           Once you had given up hope, fighting for survival became harder. There was no wish to be victorious. And there was no fear of defeat. If anything there was a wish for losing. A wish for loss.

           I wanted to lose.

            The sirens came just after. I was safe. The neighbors must have known.

            Steven smiled again, removing the knife from my chest and standing. He was so close. I was almost dead. Just one solid slice across my throat and it would be over.

"Don't do this." I hear him say. Not Steven. Not even William. I didn't know the voice then, but it was PeterI watched as Steven and his alternate ego seemed to have a conversation that involved a bunch of "no." I had no clue what was going on. I didn't know that this was the agreement between Peter and Steven that saved my life.

           I didn't want to be saved.

           He stood right above me. My brother. The boy who took me dancing. The boy who smiled. And he was taken. By a monster. Steven. Did Steven even have to think? Did he have to tell his hand to keep a firm grip on the knife? And tell his arm where to move? Was he telling William not to move? Was Will even fighting back?

            But as the knife quivered in his hand, I realized Steven had to think. He had to focus. It took everything in him to keep a good grip on the knife. His arm moved slowly, and I understood that he had to command Will's arm to move where he wanted it to go. I could tell from Steven's struggle that Will was fighting back, and he always fought back. But he was still losing.

"NO!" I screamed.

            I was too late.

            Steven took the knife to William's own neck. And he slit his throat. And then. What was left for me to see that would make me mourn more? The blood spilling. Falling literally onto my hands. His blood on my hands. My fault all of it. I ignored the signs and the nightmares. I saw this coming. And I didn't bother stopping it.

            His body fell, dead, onto me. I wasn't strong enough to move him. I had to hold his corpse. Holding his life, responsible for his death. His mind and soul were gone, but there was still something left in him. Still stuck there. I saw it in his eyes. Trying to leave him to go beyond this world, and all of the bad things.

           While laying there defeated, he turned to me. Just his head. And Steven spoke, "I will kill them all. And then of course I'll come back for you. You made it out this time, but that was just... Peter." his anger was bright. The most heated passion, white. Innocent, yet sinful. He left Will's body and all I had to stare into were black holes where I saw potential and life, I saw a cracked window. Broken. Dead. He couldn't make it out.

***

"You're lying." Derek says getting up walking away.

"Are you kidding me."

"How can I believe you when there isn't an once of sadness in you." he says.

            He lies. He doesn't realize that I am sad, all the time.

"Seven." I say. "I've lost my mother, my father, my brother, the twins, my grandmother, and," I take a breath, "and my uncle. I'm sorry if I'm fresh out of tears."

"I've lost people too Aileen. But I haven't lost hope." he says.

"When hope amounts to nothing, it strangles you and ties you down. I can't be a prisoner to believing something good can happen anymore."

           Derek doesn't know. No one does. I don't feel much anymore. Because life has told me... you can't survive when you are in pain. Pain means you are hurt. I don't want to be hurt anymore.

           I am already dead inside.

"Stop lying!" he yells pushing me up against the wall. Realizing what he's done he lets go of me instantly walk away, "Just stop lying to yourself." now a whisper. He is torn.

"I'm not lying. You just don't believe me" I say. Derek waves me away and leaves me. I've hurt him. He is vulnerable.

           The truth is painful sometimes.

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