Me the bitch

I was jealous, I was so annoyed and I wanted everything she had. My sister was always better than me and she always got the best from life. I had to content myself with the small stuff and I soon realized that I wanted to just die.


14. The limit

It happened. 


I woke up, threw up in the morning and half the day. I lay in bed all day and I couldn't even eat food. 
"We have to check you up with the doctor." murmured mom. I heard Tess in the background. 
"There's nothing wrong with her?"


The doctor smiled at me and he sat down beside the bed. Mom was out in the waiting room and I was alone with him. 
"You're pregnant!" he whispered. I almost dropped my chin. I just stared at him. 
"But I only have.... twice?" 
He laughed a little bit and he seemed to understand that I didn't have much information about the true facts. 
"You can get pregnant the first time." 
I was shaking all over. 
"Don't tell Mom." 
He nodded a little weak. 
"But you need to figure out whether to keep or remove the child." 
I didn't know what to say. Niall would certainly say no, or at least not like to see me again. 
He calmed me down. 
"I give you a week. Talk to your boyfriend and feel whats okay for you two."


I said nothing to Niall. I instead went around in a fog and I told my mom that I didn't have anything stupid in my body. I didn't know what to say and when Wednesday came, I had a panic. As soon as I got home, I sat in bed and great weeping. All the emotions came out and I realized it was my own fault. What could I do? Did I think that it would be like in a fairy tale rest of my life?


I did what I shouldn't do. I found my hidden knife and I took it up. I looked down at my arm and I knew I did the right thing. I brought the knife across my arm and I felt it stung. It was as if it helped me to think. I realized that I wasn't going to tell Niall that I was pregnant. I cut myself again. I immediately realized that I couldn't tell Mom. I cut myself a third time and immediately I realized that I had really fallen into a trap, but after the fourth time, I knew that everything was up to me.


I ended up in a fog. I saw the blood drain from my arm down over my bed. I looked at my arm and I tried to see it clearly. I had cut too deep? Everything went black and I just slipped away.





I heard a voice far away. I could feel that someone holding up my body. I left my room and I noticed that an ambulance picked me up. 



Was it Niall? I wasn't sure, but one person stood and swore beside me. 


Everything went black.


Breath ... I need to breathe ..... I only saw the dark, but I felt so calm. It was as if I was flying on a cloud and I felt no pain, I felt no anxiety and I felt nothing.

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