Me the bitch

I was jealous, I was so annoyed and I wanted everything she had. My sister was always better than me and she always got the best from life. I had to content myself with the small stuff and I soon realized that I wanted to just die.

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5. life sucks

Niall was at our house for dinner and he looked happy. Tess looked even more happy and everyone looked happy. I wore a sweater and I pulled down the arms almost over my hands. I had realized that a knife was better to cut with. Therefore, I had to hide my wounds. If my mom saw them, she wouldn't understand. 
"Aren't you hot?" Tess wrinkled her nose and she looked pointedly at my shirt. I was fast and I had already an answers in my head. 
"No, I'm cold." 
She snorted. 
"Strange!" 
I smiled when no one noticed my wrists. I looked down at the food and poked in me some more. I heard mom talking to Tess and Niall. I could hear their happy voices, but I was completely in my own reflections. I wanted to cut myself even more times and I tried to think about more things to do on myself.
"Niall and I'll going to the prom!" 
I only heard fragments of their conversation. I poked at the food and I was trying to think of more keywords to search on Google. I realized that I could apply to "cut, kill, die". Okay, that sounded like drastic words, but I still chose to memorize everything that I came up with. 
"Aren't you going to prom?" 
I balked. Each year, schools had a common prom, where everyone went, regardless of age or gender. Niall looked at me and I understood that he wanted an answer. I shook my head and Tess was quick to respond to me. 
"She has no boyfriend and what's she doing on a prom?" 
Niall frowned and to my great surprise, he seemed like an answer. 
"Emma may have the answers for herself?"
Everyone just stared at me and I realized that they really wanted to have my answer. 
"No?" 
Mom seemed to take a breather. 
"So then we have to get a beautiful dress to you Tess?" 
Tess nodded. 
"And Emma can't wash it in the machine." 
I looked down at the food again. I saw a potato and I started to mash it. 
"Please, darling." I heard my mom say. "Don't play with the food!" 
I sighed and I ended up mashing my potatoes. 
"It must be a unique dress." I heard Tess say. "A white with lots of beads on the fabric." 
Mom seemed to like her idea. 
"And I promise that no one else has a similar dress."
"Why shouldn't Emma go to the prom?" 
Everyone, including me, was startled, and we just stared at Niall. He blushed, but he seemed like he wanted an answer. I saw that mom pondered and she gave me a quick glance. 
"Emma is a girl who's not goes to the prom." 
Niall wasn't happy. 
"Why not?" 
I swallowed and I searched for an answer. Tess was faster. 
"Niall, she can't go and ruin my evening. You know how my friends talk." 
I continued to mash the potatoes. 
"And shes not having no funny there." continued my mom with. "and she doesn't want to go there." 
"Ask her?" 
I was startled and I looked up at Niall. Why did he need an answer? I saw that he was looking for my eyes, but I avoided him. 
"I don't want ..." 
Niall sighed, and I saw that Tess was mad at him.
"You asked me and not my sister?" said she coldly. "Why bother about her? She has many years left to go to the prom." 
They changed the subject. I looked down at my mashed potatoes and in front of me, I saw how I came into the ballroom. Everyone would just stare and say, "There goes Tess's little sister and she's nothing!"

 

The knife cut through my skin and I felt how the wound appeared. It was nice. I put the wrist against the towel and I saw that it was sucking up the wet stuff, the blood. I smiled and I enjoyed. It was as if my whole body grew and finally felt I had control.

 

"The tickets are available to buy!" the teacher said to us. "This year's theme is white and you know that the school expects you to take care of you?" 
I sighed. Why would all talk about prom? I didn't want to go there and I didn't know anything about the subject. 
"Can anyone come?" asked Eleanor.
"Yes, everyone are welcome!" said the teacher. Eleanor snorted and she gave me a cold look. I chose not to look up, I chose to let her go on. 
"Why don't you saying anything?" Harry asked me. He leaned toward me and he had seen how she had looked askance at me. 
"What's the point?" I replied tired. "I can't change her opinion of me." 
He sighed. 
"I wish I dared to speak up." he mumbled. "Then I had talked about that no more than you and I'm good." 
I looked up at Harry and I smiled at him. 
"Will you go to prom?" 
He shook his head rapidly. 
"No, I have no one who wants to go with me. There are no like me in school." 
I laughed a little bit. 
"I know!"

 

"Mom, I want such a dress." 
I stood in the doorway to the kitchen. Tess sat at the laptop and she checked on the net for a dress. I saw mom lean beside her and her eyes were happy. 
"Yes, but it was expensive?" 
Tess didn't give up. 
"My New Year celebration was shitty, please, I deserve it." 
I sighed. I chose to leave them in peace and I went up to my room. Life was unfair.

 

I had a blog online. There I wrote everything. I had many readers, but nobody knew it was me who was the owner of it. I hadn't put out a single picture of myself. 
"Life sucks!" I wrote quickly and then the words just poured out of me. I wrote everything and I warped emotions and I warped hatred. I wrote so much that I eventually was totally empty. I pressed send and then all my readers could read it. It was like I was puffed out and I smiled weakly. Maybe there was someone out there who were like me? A girl who could be my friend and who would listen?
"YES!" echoed through the house. Tess had received the dress that she wanted.

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