Needle and Thread

This is a mash up of fairytales set in a modern setting.


1. Fairy tales ain't real life

  Once upon a time in a land near our own, the queen was walking to her magic mirror. The mirror was a tall and had gold plated edges. The queen gathered her courage and said the famous words. 'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all'.
Now the mirror replied 'My dear queen, you are the fairest of them all'.
The queen was shocked and asked the mirror 'Since I am getting old surely it should be my daughter, Sleeping Beauty?' The mirror replied 'Heavens no, she is a pain to us and is no oil painting! But I suggest that you go and see the Wicked Witch in the woods and ask for her help'.
Now the princess named Sleeping Beauty had stayed up all night playing Call of Duty on her Xbox and was now tired and in a foul mood. Sleeping Beauty was mean to all of the staff and her bedroom was a tip, she hasn't washed for a week and she had large bags under her eyes. In other words the mirror did speak the truth. 
Meanwhile across the city there was a diamond mine, owned by seven greedy short miners. In it worked a Gallant Prince, well he wasn't that gallant since he was afraid of the dark so he stayed in the office and did the paperwork. The office paperwork had been filed so messily before, that the Prince had made huge difference to the running of the mine. He had a real talent for filing them away neatly as well as double entry book keeping and actually enjoyed it ! Not only that he even had time to sing to all the animals that seemed to gather around the office for no particular reason. The Prince was tall, well compared to the short miners everyone was and had all the characteristics of a proper fairy tale Prince. There he was just working away in the office wishing for a Princess to come along when he heard a long low rumble from down below in the mine. 
Meanwhile in the woods the Queen was making her way to the Wicked Witch in the woods. Suddenly she saw a cottage made of cheese and hurried past it, well so would you if you could have smelt the pong. Finally in a clearing in the dark forrest she saw a house made of candy. 
The house made of candy was falling to pieces and there were holes in the roof as well as the windows missing. It was a house to die for, delicious to look at, it also was probably delicious to eat as well. The house was surrounded by children all working hard in the old Witches garden.The children were looking to the Wicked Witch waiting for her next instruction. Then it came, and against all odds it was to queue up nicely to get their reward of candy from her house. The children were responding in the words which give the Witch her name 'Ahh Wicked' and  'thank you' as the Witch handed out large chunks of her house to the grateful children who ran off home saying 'see you next week'.  
When the children had all gone the Wicked Witch took the Queen inside her house for some tea and cake and the Queen began to tell the Wicked Witch of her issues with the Mirror as well as Sleeping Beauty. The Witch had an idea what to do with Sleeping Beauty, she showed the queen an advert in the newspaper about a job vacancy at the diamond mine and said 'she needs a job there'. 
That afternoon a moaning Sleeping Beauty was dragged down to the Diamond Mine where she found the Handsome Prince running around like a headless chicken. He was in a panic because there was smoke coming out of the mine and he didn't know what to do.Sleeping Beauty did. Due to her Xbox Call of Duty training she gathered up all the animals willing to help her and a rope. With the animals holding onto the rope she began to abseil down the mine in the attempt to rescue the short miners. The Handsome Prince was in awe of this slightly strange looking grubby but obvious Princess. Well the crown was a bit of a give away. 
Just then the Queen came along walking her pack of small dogs to see how things were going with the Princess's job. Not knowing that her daughter was holding onto the rope down a dangerous mineshaft, her dogs ran off to chase the animals they could see standing in a straight line. The animals scattered causing them to drop the rope. Sleeping Beauty fell to the bottom of the mine. 
I hope you don't think that this story has a happy ending and they all survived and lived happily ever after.

No, the real ending of this story was that after the accident happened the Diamond Mine closed down leaving the Handsome Prince unemployed. The Queen remained the fairest in the land whether she liked it or not. And the Wicked Witch.. well she still gave out sweets and candy from her house to the children but she needed an umbrella every single time it rained, and caught lots of colds. 


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