If I fall

"I catch you if you fall." Niall was my first love and my last. He dared to touch me and he wasn't afraid of my disease. He just loved me....


17. To get sick again

I was in the seventh month and one morning I woke up and realized that something was wrong. My body was tired and I couldn't even sit up in bed. I put my hand over my stomach and I puffed out when the baby kicked. Still, I thought about why I didn't immediately dried more. 
He lay beside me and he was asleep. I got up my hand and tried to shake him. 
No response! I did almost hit him before he woke up and gave me a hazy look. 
I swallowed. 
"Niall, I can't move my body."
He just stared at me. It took him a few seconds to wake up and then he realized what I actually said. 
"How do you mean?" 
I swallowed and I felt unease come over me. 
"I can't sit up. I can't control my body." 
He sat up. He ran his hand through his hair and he seemed to think about causes. 
"Have you tried?" 
I nodded dull. 
"Niall, something's wrong."


The ambulance arrived an hour later. Niall had managed to get on my clothes and he had a panic throughout the body. When I was inside the ambulance he came quickly in with a bag and he sat next to me. 
"Darling, take it easy." 
I smiled and looked at him. 
"You too?" 
He smiled uncertainly and he quickly took my hand. He held it tightly, and he let his eyes rove around in the car. One guy jumped in and he immediately began to check my pulse. The ambulance drove quickly towards the hospital and I was just tired. 
"Don't fall asleep!" 
I smiled at Niall and I saw that he was almost more afraid than I was. 
"The child's alive and it's probably just something stupid." I whispered. "It's going to be fine."


It happened a lot around me. I ended up in a room and the doctors ran around me to check everything. It was as if they didn't find any fault and they didn't give up. Niall sat with a completely white face next to me and he didn't handle it well. He just stared at all the doctors and he said nothing. I tried to calm him down, but it wasn't easy, not when I lay down.


I was x-rayed, they took samples and they did all kinds of tests. It took the entire day before I finally got the rest. Niall stayed and we waited for an answer. My own doctor came in and I saw immediately that he was worried.
"You have to stay in hospital."
Niall looked up at him and I saw that panic spread in my boyfriend. I tried to keep myself calm.
"What's wrong?"
The doctor looked at me for a long time and he wasn't happy.
"There are opportunities that you have gotten back the cancer in the body, but we have to investigate it more tomorrow."
I saw that Niall almost lost his breath.
"But you healthy declared her?"
"Yeah, but it looks as if it's a malignant form cancer."
I tried to think clearly. 
"And the baby?" 
My doctor smiled faintly and he looked down at the papers. 
"The baby is doing fine in there and I hope he doesn't suffer because of that you aren't healthy." 
Niall was startled. 
My doctor smiled, and he looked at us both. 
"Sorry if I'm ruining your expectation, but it's a he." 
Niall just stared at him and then he looked at me. It was as if he didn't believe his ears, and he didn't know if he could be happy about the news. I smiled at Niall and I saw that he almost jumped out of his chair. 
"It will be a Horan junior," I whispered happily. I was thankful that the baby was okay and for Nialls sake, I was grateful that it was a boy.


When the tests were completed, the doctor sat by the bed and both Niall and I was ready to hear the results. 
"You knew that there were risks." he said uncertainly. "You were aware that I didn't recommending that you would keep the baby." 
I frowned. I didn't like that he used those words. 
"We are aware of that." 
My doctor sighed heavily. 
"You must remain here until the child is born. We can't do anything about your disease until the baby is born and then we have to operate on you quickly." 
Niall held my hand tightly. 
"And that means?" 
The doctor looked at him. 
"As soon as the baby is out, Lilly go into surgery."


Niall cried all night but I didn't understand why. 
"It's just an operation." I said. I still had no idea how much the cancer had spread and I knew there were many risks. 
"But still." he mumbled and wiped his tears away. "I'm so afraid of losing you." 
I smiled reassuring to him. 
"I wont leave you." 
Niall looked straight into my eyes and it was as if he sought after comfort in me. He lifted his hand and pulled it through my hair. 
"Promise me that!" 
I nodded and swallowed. 
"I promise!"
He smiled slightly and let his hand rest on my cheek. 
"Without you I'm no one." 
I laughed a little bit. 
"Yes you are, but I understand what you mean." 
He laughed a little bit and swallowed. 
"I feel silly. I just cry?" 
I smiled big. 
"It's okay to be afraid, but we have to think positive. It can't get worse?"


It didn't perhaps get any worse, but it didn't get any better. My mom wasn't happy and my dad tried to find an explanation. Even Maura and Bobby came and visited us. 
"It will work itself out." said Maura, but I heard the uncertainty in her voice.


Niall was lying beside me in bed, and he had one arm under my head. His other hand was on my stomach and he felt how our son kicked. I saw at Niall how worried he was, but I had made ​​up my mind. I would be strong and I knew I could do it. 
"What's he called?" Niall whispered, and he met my gaze. I smiled and tried to think of a name. 
"Niall Junior?" 
I was just a sigh in response. Niall wasn't keen on making jokes and he looked serious. 
"I thought about James." 
I nodded. 
"It sounds like a good name." 
Niall smiled and kissed me on the forehead. 
"He's going to be beautiful." he mumbled. "As beautiful as his mom is." 
I laughed. 
"And as sexy as his father is?"
Niall just smiled and he moved his hand over my stomach. 
"Lilly, you tell me if you are the least afraid about this?" 
I nodded. 
"I promise." 
He swallowed and I saw that he still sought comfort or a response. 
"You're going to survive?" 
I nodded and he chose to look down at my belly again. 
"Lilly, when this is over I'll take care of you." 
I smiled. 
"No, we'll take care of our son."
He met my gaze and I saw a sliver of hope in his eyes. 
"Yeah, we'll take care of him."

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