If I fall

"I catch you if you fall." Niall was my first love and my last. He dared to touch me and he wasn't afraid of my disease. He just loved me....


4. The guitar

I had just been to the hospital and I felt bad. I lay in bed and I had two blankets over myself. My body shook with the poisons and I had a bucket beside the bed, in case I was going to puke. I noticed that the door was opened, I noticed that someone came in and closed it again. I was surprised when Niall came up.
"What?" I got tired out. I couldn't explain that I wanted to be alone and I couldn't explain that I didn't want to be with one person.
"I came by!" he said just short. I saw that he had a guitar with him and he put himself down on my desk chair. I tried to fall back asleep, but I heard how he got up the guitar in his lap and he began to play. The sound was pleasant and I could stand to listen.
"We'll do it all, Everything, On our own,,,,"
I opened my eyes to look at Niall. He continued to sing. I heard his voice, and it sounded wonderful.
"If I lay here, If I just lay here, Would you lie with me, And just forget the world?"
His voice was wonderful. I couldn't leave him with my eyes. Niall didn't chose to look at me. He played on and I saw his hand glided over the strings. I listened to him and I liked the song. Niall played the whole song and he sang every note in it. When he was done, it was as if the mood went back to what it was before the song and I closed my eyes. 
"You win nothing at singing?" 
Niall laughed lightly. 
"But music affects us." 
I agreed. 
"But not when one is disposed in the body?"
He came up to my bed. I felt that he sat down on the edge and he ran his hand over my cheek. 
"It's tough?" 
I agreed, but I said nothing. I lay there and I tried to relax. Niall didn't move and I felt his hand hand slipped over my back. I had blankets over me, yet I felt his hand. 
"I'm staying." he whispered. Why did he stay? I didn't want him to be there and see how sick I was. I opened my eyes and I looked at him coldly. 
"It's not fun to look at when I vomit?" 
Niall smiled weakly. 
"No, nor when I vomit?" 
I frowned. 
"It's not the same." 
He disagreed. 
"Well, it's the same thing."

It took a few minutes and then I bent over the bucket. I didn't have much left in my stomach but my body still wanted to let it all out. I threw up and it was just bile from my stomach. Niall kept his arm around my back and he was still sitting on the bed. He said nothing, but he sat there and I felt his hand over the back. He gave me the paper and I wiped my mouth. I felt small and I was weak. 
"Leave me!" 
He shook his head. 
"No, I'm staying." 
I didn't like his words. 
"You have nothing to gain here?" 
He laughed lightly. 
"And I wont search for anything. I'm staying."


I fell asleep. I woke up to the sound of the guitar. I heard he played and he sang quietly. It was as if he refused to go away, but he hadn't nothing to do either?
"You're still here?" 
Niall stopped and I heard he balked. 
"Yes, are you awake?" 
I opened my eyes and I looked at him coldly. 
"No, I'm dead!" 
He smiled. He came back to the bed and he sat down. 
"We'll go to the movies tomorrow." 
"No we wont." 
He disagreed. 
"Well, we'll see a new movie, and you're going with me." 
I frowned. 
"No, you can't make me." 
He laughed. 
"Well, I have brought with me a wheelchair and your mom said it's okay if I use it."
I just stared at him. 
"You mean you'll pull me around in a wheelchair?" 
Niall smiled. 
"No, I thought you'd drag around with me." 
I frowned. 
"Is that your sense of humor?" 
He nodded happily and he seemed to have reached that point when I couldn't say no. 
"Please, you will only be gone for two hours. What's two hours of your life?" 
I swallowed. 
"I don't know, because I can die tomorrow?" 
He laughed. 
"Good, then you get to hang out with me the last few seconds of your life."
I had to smile and immediately cheered Niall 
"You smile!" 
I sighed. 
"No, I just corrected my mouth." 
I couldn't lie to him. 
"I saw it!" he said cheerfully, and he almost jumped into bed. "You smiled!" 
I sighed. 
"Yeah, I smiled." 
Niall was happy. 
"So tomorrow at five o'clock I will come and pick you up." 
I swallowed. 
"Are you serious?" 
He nodded and stood up. 
"Yeah, I mean seriously and see it as a date. I will dress me up and you'll put on your nice clothes." 
I laughed a little bit. 
"A date with me?" 
He nodded. 
"The best girl on earth."


I admit. I looked forward to going to the cinema. I didn't think it was because of Niall, but I would see a movie and it was enough. I took out the clothes that I felt fit and I took a hat to wear on my head. Sometimes I regretted that I hadn't said yes to a wig. I had seen more healthy if I had had some form of hair on the head. Still, I liked my hats. There were red, black, pink and white. I had bought everything from knitted hats to the ordinary. I had one for every day if I wanted and I had selected them with care. 
"Instead of my hair." I had told my mom and she understood that it was important.

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