If I fall

"I catch you if you fall." Niall was my first love and my last. He dared to touch me and he wasn't afraid of my disease. He just loved me....


18. operation

I woke up with pain throughout the body. I wanted to scream right out, but I couldn't make a single sound. My whole body cramped and I felt panic. I started to cry and I tried to collect myself. Niall sat and slept next to me. I wanted him to wake up. I wanted him to see that I needed help. It felt like someone was sticking knives into me and I couldn't even move. I tried to feel my baby in my stomach, but I just felt the pain. In the end, I managed to drop from me a sound. It sounded more like a pig that wanted to scream and I was almost surprised over myself. Niall woke up with a start and immediately saw that something was wrong.


"We need to pick out the baby!" 
The doctor was quick and I didn't even got any time to think. A nurse came in and I saw that she picked up drips and syringes. Niall had a panic and he cried. 
"Please help her." 
The doctor looked worried. 
"We helping her by operating her this night." 
I met Nialls gaze. I couldn't say anything, but I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I wanted him to come with me to the surgery. I didn't want him to go away and I quickly began to feel more panic. 
"It will sting!" muttered the nurse. She put the needle in to the drip and she worked quickly. Niall kept my other hand and I barely knew that he was holding me. It was so painful that I was only aware of the pain.


A breathing mask was put over my face and then rolled my bed away. 
"I love you!" it echoed behind me. Niall couldn't follow me and I heard that he totally lost it all. "I love you!" 
I wanted to say the same thing back, but I couldn't. My voice failed me and I just wanted to scream because of the pain. I was wheeled into an operating room and I saw a lot of people in green coats. I saw how they worked faster and they ran around. 
"She will be anesthetized down." 
I didn't want to, but who wanted to ask me what I wanted to do? 
"We take the baby first!" 
"We have everything we need?" 
"Who has the incubator?" 
I cried. I heard all the voices around me, but no one looked at me. I wanted to scream, I wanted to say stop and I wanted to know what would happen.


I was sedated and slowly my body started to slip away. I closed my eyes and then everything just black.




I heard a voice far away. It sounded like it was in the end of a tunnel and I heard only the echo of it. 
I tried to get closer to the voice, but I couldn't. I wanted to know who was calling out. 
"What do you mean?" 
I ran as fast as I could and I tried to see what was in the end, far away. I ran but I got nowhere. 
"What do you mean by soon?" 
No one answered me and I panicked. I felt my whole body shook and finally I couldn't move my legs. It was as if I just got stuck in the ground. I could no longer lift my legs. 
"Please, what do you mean?"




Beep, beep! 


I heard how the devices worked around me. I hated the sound and I knew so well the hospital sounds. I felt I was in a bed. I was so tired and I still couldn't move. I had an oxygen mask over my face and I felt that the wires were connected to my body.


Beep, beep!


A hand held mine and I knew so well the hand. It was Niall. I wished I could open my eyes. I wanted to see him, I wanted to see his gorgeous face and I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to tell him that I was alive and that I was there, but still I lacked control over my body.


"It looks bad!" 
It was a different voice and I heard that Niall took a deep breath. His voice was cloudy and I knew that he had been crying. 
"When do you know?" 
The other voice waited to respond. 
"In a week, maybe?"
Niall squeezed my hand tightly and I felt water running down my arm. I understood that he was leaning against me and he was crying. I didn't want him to cry. 
"Can't you do something more?" 
The other voice seemed unsure. 
"Not at the moment. We have to let time determine."

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