If I fall

"I catch you if you fall." Niall was my first love and my last. He dared to touch me and he wasn't afraid of my disease. He just loved me....


20. finally

Once upon a time, I had so many dreams. I wanted to be something big when I grew up and I wanted to live out my dreams. Life doesn't always go as expected, and you don't have any control over fate. The only thing I knew what I had done mine.


The coffin was white and stood at the front of the church. It was filled with flowers and Niall had let a photo stand on the coffin. I recognized the photo. It was when we were in Italy and I had just started to get hair on my head. Once upon a time, I had been ashamed of myself, but now I saw what Niall had once seen. I had been spirited and I had color in my face. I was glad he chose that photo.


My mom cried and I know she accuses Niall that I died, but I also know that one day she will forgive me. It was my choice and she will get to know my son. My dad was perhaps not sorry. He knew somewhere far inside that my days were numbered and he was grateful that I got to experience love. My doctor came to my funeral, and I was surprised how much he cared about me. It was as if he wanted to say goodbye one last time, and he stayed at the back of the church. I even saw some old friends and I saw Liam sitting in church, to support Niall. It's funny how you change your mind. I was grateful to all that had been in my life and I was grateful to have been allowed to live. It was just a shame I didn't get a few more years, but at the same time, everything got meaning.


I wasn't worried about Niall. He sat at the front and he was inconsolable. He hid his face and he didn't even look at my coffin. I saw how he was shaking and I wanted to comfort him, but I couldn't. When you no longer have a body, you can't do the most obvious thing in the world. I wanted to hug him and I wanted one last time kiss him. I knew he could handle the morrow, because he had James in his life. Niall was a fighters and he didn't give up so easily. I knew he would eventually understand and he would realize that he couldn't have saved me. Many times he accused himself of not having bought a single condom, but he and I both know that it hadn't made any difference. I had still died eventually.


After my funeral all went home to Niall and my apartment. Maura had baked cakes and she had made sure to arrange everything for Niall. She will be a wonderful grandmother and she will make sure that Niall go on.


The first Niall did was go into the bedroom. He picked up James in his arms and kissed him softly on the cheek. I immediately saw the love pour out of my boyfriend and he lifted over James to the changing table. Slowly he began to change clothes on the little fellow, and he took upon him a romper. There was a green romper with a four-leaf clover on. Once James had got it from his mom and she knew that it would be well used.





-----------------the end---------------------

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