Breaking Annie.

A Luke hemmings fanfiction.

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9. 8

Annie's POV

Breathing. it's such a simple concept so why was I struggling? why did I feel like I was drowning, incapable of performing that simple task.

I couldn't breathe. It was as simple as that.

It had been three days. I'd been laying here in this bed for three days. I hadn't showered, and I hadn't spoken more than four words. How could I speak when I couldn't even fully wrap my head around what was going on, my world was going 150 miles an hour and I couldn't keep up, everything was a dizzy blur of thoughts and memory's.

Luke came in and checked on me hourly, most likely to see if I was dead. And in most ways I was. I wasn't alive, I may have been conscious, but inside I was dying. A piece of me was missing that I couldn't recover. I was exposed, I had been forever altered.

The door cracked open revealing a small sliver of light, and him.

"Annie?" luke opened his bedroom door to find me laying in the same spot i had been in an hour ago.

I didn't say anything, he just walked over and sat on the end of the bed.

I didn't understand why he was doing this, why did he care? one minuet he hated me and the next he was taking care of me like a child...

He saved me.

"Annie, please talk to me..." I shifted my glance and looked at him. He towered over me in height, and his glassy blue eyes stared at me. I didn't understand how something so beautiful could be so dangerous. Then again, I didn't know how I could possibly feel this comfortable around him either...

"Annie?"

"What."

"Thank god, I thought you'd gone mute." he chuckled, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket.

"Can I have one?" I didn't know why, but all the sudden the thin lines streaming from his pink lips seemed tempting.

"Are you okay?" he handed me one and lit it in my fingers.

"Obviously not." he chuckled and I remembered what he had said, don't swallow the smoke... just take it in. I did just that and the bitter sweet taste filled my mouth and then I blew the tranquil little white lines from my mouth.

I looked at him and he was just staring at me like I had gone mad.

"What. haven't you ever seen a girl smoke before." I giggled, and repeated the action. inhale, exhale...

"Yeah, I just never thought you..."

"You thought wrong." I inhaled it again and this time exhaled it slowly, watching the smoke as it made squiggly patterns in the atmosphere and then disappeared.

And in that moment I realized that this was the calmest i had felt all week. sitting with luke on his bed smoking a cigarette. I didn't know why I'd ever been disgusted by this. it made me feel at ease. sure, it could kill you... but then again, can't Everything? The way I see it, you could die right now. Your houses roof could give out, you're driving and someone barrels into your car going sixty, tripping down the stairs, or someone who had a fatally rough day could pull a gun on you in the street and just like that, everything you'd ever wanted, taken for granted, and aspired for in life would be ripped from your hands. At least if I died I'd be having fun doing it.
 

"Annie, you're scaring me." he had a crease between his brow, I just smiled at him.

"Good."

With that I got up and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I put out the cigarette in the sink bowl and stared at the girl In the mirror. She looked exactly how she felt. Confused, sad, and uneasily calm for a girl who had nearly gotten raped three days previously. She needed repair, or a mask.

I decided that as soon as I went back to the dorm I'd get Viv to teach me how to do my makeup.

I turned the water on all the way hot. after a minuet I grazed my finger tips on the scorching water. I stepped in and let it burn my skin. I wanted it to burn the memory from my head. I wanted to forget everything. The pain, the emptiness, the hurt...

I wanted to never leave this shower, the water was hot but it was nice. I felt like I was somewhat alive again, letting go of the past. I could have been in there for forever if I hadn't heard him at the door.

"Annie, are you alright? you've been in there for an hour?"

Had i? it hadn't seemed that long. but I didn't want to bother him so I shut off the water and wrapped a towel around my body.

"Yeah, fine." I opened the door and walked into the living room.

I just stood there staring out at the city. I felt so small, but at the same time it gave me a rush. Everything in front of me was moving so loudly and quickly yet I couldent hear a single sound. It was peacefully chaotic.

I felt different. I knew now that this may have taken a piece of me, but I decided it wasn't going to break me. it was going to build me. I was stronger, It felt like I could take on the world.

Maybe in some fucked up way, this was good for me. I needed a reality shock to find myself. I finally felt at home in the mess that was my head.

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