Love and War

Bonnie can't help but think life would be so much easier if she didn't have to make choices. If she didn't have to choose between family or a future. If she didn't have to choose between Eli or Alfie. If she didn't have to choose between success or loyalty. If she didn't have to choose between one kind of love of the other.

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30. Thirty

I wasn't planning to go to Eli's the next night but as I laid there in my bed, I realised I couldn't sleep and after that I soon realised I was longing to go and see Eli and fall asleep there. It's just what felt right. Now I'm lying on his bed with him and we're having another one of those conversations that's just about everything. We're both mumbling sleepily but we don't want to sleep yet. 

"We need to sleep." he yawns, turning onto his side.

"No." I mumble, pulling him onto his back again and putting an arm over him, resting my head on his chest. "I don't want to go to sleep."

He chuckles. "I thought the point of you coming here was to sleep."

"And then you distracted me."

"Well I'm done now."

"I'm not." 

"If it was up to you, we'd never get any sleep." he chuckles, turning onto his side and rolling me over on my side and pulling me close to him. "Come on Bonnie, you're exhausted."

"No I'm not." I mumble, but I'm already half asleep.

I wake up the next morning- real morning. It's light out. I trust that Sophie will cover for me and my parents will know that I'm out walking somewhere. I just relax. The curtains are shut but sunlight is still getting through, gently lighting the room. Eli is beside me, sleeping gently. In the night, I must have spread out too much because he's right on the edge of the bed. I chuckle, gently pulling him towards me without waking him up. He stirs a little, rolling over but he's still asleep. I think about when we're married. Every morning will be like this one. 

He stays asleep and I start to wonder about things. How many other girls has he loved before? And why did they let him go? How could they have seen him asleep like this, so gentle and beautiful, and thrown it all away? How could they have known him and not thought that they had to stay with him? I couldn't do that if I wanted to, not that I ever will want to.

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