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17. Louis

I arranged with my apartment in the attic. I started buying stuff home to my kid and I managed to get hold of a cheap crib. I put it together and when I was done I felt as if I had started with life again. I put the crib next to my bed and I smiled at it. I looked forward to becoming a mom and as each day went by, I felt that I had made the right decision.

 

"You have a visitor!" 
I sighed. 
"Okay mom, send her up." 
I put the sheets in the crib and I put on the quilt. It looked like a cozy bed for a child and I was happy. I walked towards the stairs and was surprised when I saw Louis. He was just as surprised as I was and I saw that he was staring at my stomach. 
"Don't say anything!" I whispered and swallowed. I was almost afraid that Louis would tattle to Niall and tell the truth. 
"Huh?" he got out himself and met my gaze. Then he realized, "It's Niall who's the father?" 
I nodded and backed off a few steps. 
"Don't tell him. Promise!"
Louis nodded weakly. He came up and he looked at me with unsure eyes. 
"And I came here to ask you to come back." 
I balked. 
"Huh?" 
Now it was I who didn't understand anything. Louis managed to bring out a smile. 
"I met one of your old friends, close to your old apartment and she told me where to find you." he smiled big. "Niall tried to find you, but he never asked, where you were."
I felt his whole body shook. Niall had been looking for me? I didn't believe his words, but Louis looked honest. 
"So he...?" I fell silent. Louis nodded and he seemed almost amused. 
"But since you don't want, I will say that you weren't here." 
I puffed out. 
"Thank you." 
Louis became serious and I saw that he wanted to say more things. He saw at me that I was ready for anything. Still, he hesitated. 
"After you left us, he was like an... idiot. He misses you and he knew he did wrong. He didn't dare to say that he loves you." 
I saw that my mom was standing beneath the stairs. That led to that I just became more uncertain. I had told her that Niall had forgotten me, but the truth was something else.
"Louis, I don't want to get involved in your lives." I said kindly. "It's enough that he thinks he can decide everything, and he just want  s..." 
I wanted to say more, but my mom heard what we said. Louis noted why I stopped and he gave my mom an uncertain look. Then he looked at me again. 
"I'll be honest with you. I understand you and I don't blame you, but Niall has the right to know that he will be a father?" 
I shook my head. 
"No, he's not even ready for a girlfriend, less can he take care of a child."
I realized that I sounded mean, but I was honest. Louis nodded a little weak and looked down at my stomach. 
"I have atleast tried?" he whispered. I saw that he picked up a business card and he laid it on the table. "Call me if you need anything and please call if you change your mind." 
He spun around, and without a word, he left my apartment. Mom stood and looked after him, then she came quickly up to me. 
"Darling, that was stupid!" 
I frowned. 
"Mom, you don't know Niall and you don't know who he is." 
She sighed. 
"Well, he's the guy you love? I saw how you reacted, and why do you punish him?" 
I became quiet. I didn't punish Niall. I only saw the truth in front of me and he wasn't ready. 
"Let it be!" I whispered. Mom sighed and picked up Louis business card. 
"But you can at least tell him the truth?"
I shook the head. I looked coldly at her. 
"Is it me you trust or someone else?" 
She put back the business card and looked at me. 
"If he loves you, he will make himself ready." she whispered. "Your child has the right to know his or her father." 
She was right, but I didn't want to swallow my pride. I didn't want to admit that I did wrong. Niall wasn't ready and no one could get him to be a father, not against my will.

 

When I was six months pregnant, I was almost tempted to call Niall. I followed him on twitter and I followed him on instagram. I saw a change and he didn't look happy. He looked like a broken-hearted guy and the newspapers stopped writing about him and his girls. 
"Niall has calmed down!" it said. "Niall chose to stay at the hotel while the rest of the band partied." 
I felt small and I began to doubt myself. I looked down at my stomach and I felt just stupid. I was the girl who cheated Niall and I was the girl who refused to talk to him. If the fans knew the truth they would hate me.

 

It was cold outside when I chose to call Louis. The snow lay deep on the ground and it was only a few weeks left until Christmas Eve. I swallowed and I was shaking all over. 
"Yes, Lou!" he replied tired. I had to collect myself. 
"Hi, it's Jenny!" 
Louis was silent for a few extra seconds. 
"Hey, what happened?" 
I hesitated. I shook. I swallowed. I gathered courage. 
"What if Niall finds out the truth?" 
Louis seemed to ponder. 
"I don't know, but I know that the truth is better than lies." 
I sat down and I looked over at all the clothes that I had bought for the baby. 
"How is he?"
Louis sighed easily. 
"He's trying." 
It was a short answer. This meant that Niall really didn't feel well. 
"Where's he now?" 
"He's in his apartment. We're home now." 
I looked down at my stomach. 
"Lou, what should I do?" 
He became silent. I heard that he closed the door and sat down on a couch or on a bed. 
"Jenny, I want to tell him the truth and I want you to give him a chance." 
Still, I hesitated. 
"Is he ready?" 
Louis laughed lightly. 
"No, no one is ready to be a dad, but Niall will feel better."
I was scared and I didn't know what to say. Louis understood that I wasn't going to say more. He laughed easily and seemed to hope that I would change my mind. 
"He has talked down all around you. He has only said good things about you and he repents. Whenever he parties, he ends up in a corner and talk about how much he loves you. It's often said that a drunk person is telling the truth and his truth is quite deep. He loves you."
"I love him!" I whispered in reply. Louis was silent and I just heard that he was breathing. 
"So then we must do something about this?" 
I still hesitated. Yes, I know that I was a coward. 
"How?" 
Louis didn't have a good answer. 
"I meet Niall on Christmas Eve. I will try to get a moment to talk seriously with him and then I call you?" 
I nodded. 
"Okay!" 
Louis puffed out. 
"Thanks Jenny!" 
"Thanks for what?" 
"That I don't need to carry on this secret. I hate to lie."
I laughed lightly and I couldn't help but be mean. 
"Much like you are lying to Eleanor, you are cheating, but still you don't tell her the truth." 
Louis fell silent. He knew I was right. 
"I understand what you mean." he whispered quietly. "I know I did wrong, but now it's about Niall and he deserves to know about everything."

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