A War in Which There Are Copious Amounts of Cake and Large Weapons

Who will triumph, Prodigy's DWATILNLTDE or Raven's Dauntless Army? Or possibly Rodrigo.R.R.Goldlight's FISH ARMY? (Nahhhh, not the stupid fish.) In this good-natured battle which is a complete and total joke, you might just find out. This was not based off of anyone else's movella, but rather a series of conversations about which you would know, if you were a part of them. Anyone can read this, however, assuming you do not take it seriously in any way.

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12. 8. A friendly SNAPEchat

    Prodigy surveyed the army with pride. “We’re all ready, Snape. The attack starts in three minutes and ninety four seconds. Who do you want to comm-” Prodigy looked over at Snape and cut herself off. “Snape? What are you doing?”

    Snape was making faces into a tiny muggle device. “Nothing.”

    “Nothing?” Prodigy asked suspiciously. 

    Snape stuck his tongue out at the screen and hit a little button. A camera shutter sound went off. Prodigy rolled her eyes. “Oh Merlin, don’t tell me you’re Snapchatting.”

    “I’m not,” Snape insisted, making another face.

    “Sure, like I can’t tell you’re snapchatting. Really, who would snapchat you?” Prodigy asked.

    “Eric,” Snape responded simply. “And I am NOT snapchatting.”    

    “Fine, then,” Prodigy said. “What are you doing, if you’re not snapchatting?”

    “I’m SNAPEchatting,” Snape said gleefully. “Look!”


 

     Prodigy blinked. “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

    “I kid you not,” Snape replied happily.

    Prodigy squinted at the screen. “Is your background a picture of yourself? I mean, I know you’re conceited but...”

    Snape shook his head. “No, that’s Eric.”

    “Really?” Prodigy asked with interest. She zoomed in on the picture. 


     Prodigy looked at the picture, "You know, he looks familiar somehow."

    “Well, of course he does, you just saw him,” Snape said, rolling his eyes. “Can I have that back now?”

    Prodigy handed him back the device. He opened the app and made another face, snapping a picture. 

    “Ooh, can I see?” A asked, appearing out of thin air, as was the habit in this army.

    “Sure,” Snape said easily. “This is one of my better faces. Eric so loves to mimic them but he can’t get it quite right...”


    A looked at it. “Oh, that’s very nice. Did you use a filter?”
    Snape shook his head proudly. “Hashtag nofilter.”

    “Good one,” A said.

    Prodigy put a hand on her hip. “Forty nine and three twentyfifth seconds until we attack. Are you coming or not?”

    “One more pic,” Snape promised.

    Prodigy sighed. “I just realized that I am actually a fish at heart, so I’m going to go join the Fish army, k?” she said.

    “Mhm, whatever,” Snape replied, fluffing his hair.

    Prodigy simply shook her head and called to the army, “Moving out guys! Come on, let’s go kick some Dauntless butt!”

    The army cheered as three people in bright orange jumpsuits sprinted to the front. “You called for us?”

    Prodigy squinted at them, blinded by the orange. “Who are you?”

    “I’m Tino, who are you?” one of them asked.

    Prodigy blinked. “The Potions Prodigy and the second in command of this Snapelicious army. But that’s not what I meant, I meant why’d you come?”

    Tino crossed her arms. “Well then why didn’t you ask that to begin with?”

    “I-”

    “It would have made everything so much easier,” she said petulantly.

    Prodigy waved a hand. “It doesn’t matter! I’m asking it now.”

    “Well, you called for the ‘moving out guys’,” Tino explained. “That’s us!”

    “No, there was a comma in there,” Prodigy said. 

    “No there wasn’t,” Tino protested. “That would have been ‘moving out, guys’. You said, ‘moving out guys’. That’s us.”

    Prodigy clenched her jaw. “The comma was implied,” she said in exasperation.

    “You can’t have an implied comma,” Tino said. “It’s either there or it’s not. And yours wasn’t.”

    Prodigy drew in a deep breath. “I thought you were the moving out guys, not the grammar police!” she cried in frustration.

    Tino grinned. “Lucky for you, we’re both.”

    She turned around to reveal a large logo on the back of her orange jumpsuit. It was an intricate design of words and exclaimation points and commas and other such things, all focused around the words, “WERE THE GRAMMAR POLICE. Here to fix your grammar.”

    “Your logo’s grammar is wrong,” Prodigy pointed out.

    Tino attempted to twist to see her back but just ended up spinning in futile circles. 

    “Uh, I think I’ll just go now...” Prodigy said, inching away. The army was marching now, towards the Dauntless line across the way. Prodigy caught up to them and pointed at a random member. “Hey, you! Come up with a marching song right now, in front of everyone.”

    “Er...” Lupin said. 

    “What? Surely that wasn’t your song,” Prodigy said. “Or can’t you sing?”

    The girl next to him giggled. “Haha, Lupin can’t sing.” Then, she pulled a guitar out of thin air and began strumming and singing. “Lupin can’t sing! Lupin can’t sing! Lupin can-not sing! He only reads books so he cannot sing, even if he’s reading ‘bout how to sin-”

    “Stop that!” Lupin said, swatting at her shoulder. “If you like singing so much, River, why don’t you sing a song, right now, in front of EVERYONE.”

    “Yeah, make us a marching song!” Prodigy said.

    River shrugged. “Okay.” She repositioned her guitar and began the chant/song:

    Fall down a cliff

Land on a camel

We think the other team

needs more gravel.

 

We're tough 

they're weak,

We're hard to beat

come on, DWTALNLTDE

move your feet.

    Prodigy raised her brows. “Impressive. Sing along guys!” 

    “Prodigy!” Lupin hissed. “You know I can’t sing!”

    Prodigy opened her mouth to respond when three people in rainbow came trotting up to her. 

    “Who are you?” she demanded.

    “I’m Rosa,” a girl said cheerily.

    “Oh, Merlin not this again,” Prodigy said, covering her face with her hand in a motion commonly known as a facepalm. Too bad Snape wasn’t around to explain. She peeked out through her fingers. “And what are you doing here?”

    “We’re the singalong guys!” Rosa replied. “You called for us.”

    “THE COMMA WAS IMPLIED,” Prodigy shouted. “Don’t tell me you’re the grammar police, too.”

    “How could there be two grammar police forces?” Rosa asked, seeming troubled. “No, we’re the spelling police. See?” she turned around.

    SPELING POLICE: Foor thyme winners of the speling B.

    Prodigy stared at it numbly. “Okay. Er, go spell the Dauntless to death.”

    Alex appeared out of nowhere as was becoming custom in this army. “Did you say ‘spell’ someone to death? Like, avada kedavra? I love that spell!” she giggled.

    Prodigy sighed. “Yeah, whatever, have at it.”

    “YAY,” she said, skipping off with the Speling Police. 

    At last, Prodigy rejoined Snape at the head of the army. “You won’t believe what jus- Will you put that thing away?” she demanded.

    Snape slipped the muggle device in his pocket. “What are you, my mom?”

    Prodigy gave him a look. “That’s not even biologically possible.”

    Snape rolled his eyes. “Whatever, mom.”

    Prodigy replied, “You are so mature.

    “Thanks,” Snape said seriously. “I try.”

    “Not hard enough.”

    “Great Almighty Sir, Commander Snape, Order of Merlin First Class, Savior of the Wizarding World, Creator of the DWATILNLTDE, My Master and Leader, Oh-How-I-Wish-You-Were-My-Father Snape!” someone cried, running up with a handful of books. She was out of breath. [PUBLIC SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT: Don't run with books. It is inadvisable. If you fall, you could break a spine. Possibly your own, but more importantly, your book's spine. That would be bad. So don't run with books.]

    “Who are you?” Prodigy demanded. “I swear my grammar and spelling are completely correct!”

    The newcomer looked at her like she was insane which, in reality, was a pretty good assumption. “Er, okay. I’m Alli. But that’s beside the point. Here,” she said, dumping three thick books into Prodigy’s arms.

    “What are these?” Prodigy demanded. She did a lot of demanding.

    “Your enemy’s secrets!” Alli said proudly. 

    “Divergent, Insurgent and Allegiant,” Prodigy read. “I don’t get it.”

    “Just read it and you’ll find out. You’ll know all of their skills and who dies and everything.”

    “I don’t have time to read,” Prodigy says. “We’re attacking Dauntless in negative five minutes and twenty four seconds!”
    “Do you even know what Dauntless is?” Alli asked. Prodigy shook her head. “It’s in the book.”

    Prodigy gave in, “Fine. Take these to Hermione and tell her to read them all and write a chapter by chapter summary of anything that might be useful in this war thing. Okay?”

    “Okay,” Alli said, taking the books back. “When do you want the report by?” 

    Prodigy considered this. “Give her...twenty minutes and thirty three and a third seconds.”

    “You got it.”

    “I’ve got what?” Prodigy asked in alarm. “Tuberculosis?”

    “No!” Alli assured her quickly. “You’ve got...er...look! A diversion!”

    “WHERE?” Prodigy asked, whipping around. “There’s nothi- Oh. Nice one, Alli!” she called after the retreating figure. “We attack in negative six minutes twelve seconds,” she told Snape.

---{}----{}-----{}--------------{}

 

AN: Credit goes to A Very Potter Sequel (AVPS) for that stroke of "Lupin can't sing" genius! And credit also goes to River_summers for the DWATILNLTDE march song! 

 

It is honestly rather insane that this movella is second in its category for most popular at the moment. Wow. Really guys? But insane in a good way, I think...

 

And what do you guys think so far? COMMENT PLEASE OR I WILL CRUCIO YOU. Or better yet, I'll get one of the aforementioned Dark Wizards in the DWATILNLTDE to do it for me. Which is worse. So just comment, please. 

^Forget the threat, I said "please"!

 

-I'mNotReadyForThis (...Or am I???) (<-----Inside my head, I intended that to be read in Lupin's voice from AVPS)

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As always, stay Snapelicious.

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