A War in Which There Are Copious Amounts of Cake and Large Weapons

Who will triumph, Prodigy's DWATILNLTDE or Raven's Dauntless Army? Or possibly Rodrigo.R.R.Goldlight's FISH ARMY? (Nahhhh, not the stupid fish.) In this good-natured battle which is a complete and total joke, you might just find out. This was not based off of anyone else's movella, but rather a series of conversations about which you would know, if you were a part of them. Anyone can read this, however, assuming you do not take it seriously in any way.

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14. 10. A Metamorphagus and a Snape-Shifter

 

    As the attack force was being organized, Prodigy wandered off for a small chat with Zee and co. The DWATILNLTDE was set to attack in negative thirty nine minutes and twenty seconds, so she figured she had time to waste.

    “Hey, Z.O.R.G!” she called. They flew down in a swarm, carrying Zee on their backs like royalty. Zee hopped down lithely. “Hi, Zee.”

    “Hello, Prodigy,” she replied. “Are you in need or our services?”

    “Yeah, actually,” Prodigy replied. “Could you guys defend the base while we’re off galavanting on the battle grounds?”

    Zee posed the question to Z.O.R.G. and then nodded. “They say that they will, provided the guy with the visor from the spaceship can stay with them. He is a current fascination of theirs.”

    Prodigy glanced over at the person around whom several of Z.O.R.G. were hovering. “Geordi? Sure. But we get Spock, Kirk and Bones.”

    “Sure thing,” Zee replied. “You can also have as many redshirts as you like.”

    Prodigy grinned. “Brilliant. Oh and how are you guys on the whole ‘mercy’ front? Are you merci-”

    A ring of robots shot lasers in sync to explode a boulder the size of a house which lay about thirty feet away.

    Prodigy blinked. “So no mercy, I take it?”

    “None,” Zee assured her.

    “Not even for people who defect from another army? Or say they surrender?”

    “What do you think? Zee asked.

    Prodigy nodded in satisfaction. “Good. Prisoners of war, double-crossers...the whole thing gets so messy. Well, thanks, Zee! See you after the battle.”

    She nodded and was returned to her previous position by the tiny robots. Prodigy began to walk away when suddenly, Snape, dressed in a purple robe, came running up, holding a puppy.

    “Prodigy!” he called. 

    “Is-is that for me?” Prodigy stammered in astonishment. She smiled and felt so touched. It was adorable.

    Snape nodded. He petted it with one hand and Prodigy assumed he held it with the other. “You did say you,” he giggled, “wanted a puppy, didn’t you?”

    Prodigy’s eyes narrowed. “Did you just giggle?”

    Snape giggled again. “Maybe.”

    “Is that puppy a Chihuahua or something? Is this a trick?”

    Another giggle. “No.”

    Prodigy looked at him. “Then why do your robes say ‘Tonks’?”

    Snape looked down. “Darn it. I meant to change them to black...” He screwed up his face and was suddenly Tonks. “I got you, though. You almost took the puppy.”

    Prodigy crossed her arms petulantly. “Who wouldn’t take the puppy? Wait, where’d it go?”

    “What?” 

    “The puppy!” Prodigy said in alarm, looking all over the ground for it. “Well don’t just stand there laughing, help me find it!”

    Tonks was doubled over, tears of laughter streaming down her face. She gasped, “I- there-” 

    Prodigy stamped her foot. “Oh, it could be half way to the Dauntless army by now!”

    “There is no puppy!” Tonks finally managed. 

    “What?” Prodigy asked, half distracted looking for the puppy.

    Tonks wiggled her fingers.

    “Why are you waving at me? Stop that,” Prodigy said, swatting at her in annoyance and scanning the horizon.

    Tonks sighed and, still holding her hand in the air, morphed it into a puppy. It barked at Prodigy.

    “Oh, there he is!” Prodigy said happily, letting it sniff her hand. “Where’d you find him?”

    “You are such an idiot.”

    Prodigy frowned, saying sarcastically, “That’s not a place.”

    Tonks rolled her eyes. “The puppy is my hand, you dimwit.”

    Prodigy looked at it sadly. “Oh.”

    Tonks took in Prodigy’s expression and mirrored it. Literally. Prodigy scowled at her and turned away, going to find the real Snape. It was high time that they headed to battle.

 

---{}-{}-{}---

 

    As they walked towards the battlegrounds, Prodigy made an attempt at small talk. “So, River, what’s your deal?”

    “My-my deal? What do you mean?” she asked, confused.

    Prodigy shrugged. “Well, are you a witch, a squib, a werewolf...? Anything fun? Interesting?”

    River shook her head.

    “Oh, come on, I’m trying not to die of boredom, here!” Prodigy said in exasperation. “Give me something.

    River thought for a moment. “Well, I am a shape-shifter.”

    “Sorry, but did you say SNAPE-shifter?” Snape asked, tuning in. “‘Cause ‘Snape’’s my name, see.”

    River nodded slowly. “Yes, I kno-”

    “Yes?” Snape demanded, eyes widening. “You’re a Snape-shifter?” He closed his eyes. “Shift me.”

    “Um...”

    “Just do it,” Prodigy said, elbowing her. “There’s no other way out of it.”

    “Uh, take one step to your left, Snape. It’s part of the process,” she assured him. 

    He stepped to the left at her command.

    “Open your eyes,” River said.

    Snape opened his eyes. “OH MY MERLIN, I’VE BEEN SHIFTED ONE STEP TO THE LEFT!” He grabbed River by the shoulders. “You’re amazing. Do you want to join out army?”

    Prodigy rolled her eyes.  “She’s in our army. Let her go.”

    “Phew,” River said, stepping a good ways away from Snape.

    “Oh, look, we’re here,” Snape said.

 

---{}-{}-{}---

AN: Sorry for the short chapter, guys! This little bit of randomness is just to hold you over until the actual battle. At some point in the near future, Rod and Raven are each going to post a pre-battle chapter and then I'll be back with some more Snapey goodness and some other things that are totally-not-alluding-to-events-in-real-life-and-definitely-not-insinuating-anything-about-drama-on-this-site. Sound fun? I'll leave you to puzzle that out, if you want to. If not, you can just wait and see and I hope I will be able to oblige.   -I'mNotReadyForThis

 

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