The fault in our stars

Amsterdam was where I confessed to the girl I love that I love her. She also told me that she loves me too. One of our favorite authors told us that pain demands to be felt. Well I felt it.

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1. Pain.

My favorite author used to say that pain demands to be felt. He's not my favorite author anymore, he's just a drunken douchebag. But he was still right. Pain was an everlasting thing in life that never went away, no matter what. I thought I knew what pain was. Pain was not being able to do something great in the world, pain was almost losing hazel grace. Truthfully, I didn't know what pain was. At least, not until I got a call in the middle of the night. It was my Hazel Grace. My heart stopped. Hazel hasn't been doing so good lately but there was always the chance that she was going to recover like she did when she was thirteen. I had hope that she would recover because she was Hazel Grace. She was the strongest person I knew.

Hesitantly, I answered the phone and as soon as Mrs.Lancaster's voice reached me on the other end, I crumbled. A horrible sob shook my body and I couldn't think strait. I threw my covers off my bed and threw my pillow across the room. I did so much that night. The next morning, my room didn't look my room anymore. Posters covered the floors and the trophies that Isaac didn't destroy, were now destroyed. I cried all night, and I couldn't stop. Even though I couldn't imagine a world without Hazel, I was now living in it. My parents found be throwing trophies across the room and tried to comfort me. I melted in to my mothers embrace because I had nothing else to do. I didn't go back to sleep that night and the nights that dollars weren't any easier. Eventually, I became myself again but I always knew that a part of me was broken and could never be repaired. I heard my mom say that the light in my eyes doesn't shine as bright as it used it in my eyes. But how could it? Hazel Grace was dead. The day of the funeral was especially hard. I got up and gave the speech that everyone else would want to hear. I had one already planned but it just didn't seem right. After the funeral I talked to Hazel's parents and Isaac but couldn't really say much. I noticed a guy smoking from the corner of my eye and almost lost it. Are you really smoking at the funeral of the girl who lost her life to freaking lung cancer. I walked right up to him, not caring who he was and was about to tell him off when words failed me and the only thing I could say was, "Can I use that lighter?" He nodded his head and handed it to me. For the first time in my life I lit the cigaret and inhaled the smoke. I looked up at the sky and smiled, "I'll see you soon, Hazel Grace." And inhaled the smoke again.

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