I'm Trying (Completed)

I can't lie. I know he loves me. At least I think he does. I don't know what's real and what isn't, and I blame everyone. How do you fix a problem like this. You don't, you just don't. But what I did to him is horrible. He will never ever be able to fix it either. I know he wishes he could but he can't. If there was a solution to this goddammit someone tell me. I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of living in general. At this moment I knew exactly how to fix this, It's not the best way, but to me It's the only way. He's gonna hate me. But I won't be here for him to tell me that ...

Kay so this is my first story and I know I'm not very good but I really just have ideas and I'm trying to turn them into something good so here my best shot at it. Please be completely honest about it.


21. Midnight Goodbyes

Louis P.O.V.

I was woken up by violent shakes. Then yelling.




"Hhhhmnmmm - five more minutes," I whined.

"Your step-sister is heading to the hospital and your not going to get up?"


"Ky-ra, is on her wa-ay, to the hos-pi-tal," Xena said, annuciating certain sylablles so I would get the picture.

"Why is she on the way to the hospital ?" I said quietly in a sleepy voice.

"I'll tell you in the van, now pack up and get tready to move out!"

She ran out of the tent in a hurry. I was certainley awake now, so I began to pack up my stuff as quick as possible. I threw my duffel bag into the only van left, and saw everyone up and doing the same thing. Tent's collapsed, things were locked into place in the van and everyone was still in their pajama's and pileing into the van. I caught up with Taylor on her way to the van. "Any idea waht happened?"

"Something about Kyra collapsing and Zayn and Niall taking her to the nearest hospital. I guess we'll know more when we get there," she shrugged, but I could see the worry behind her eyes.

Just as everything was in we shut the trunk.

"Can I drive?" We heard Harry ask.

"NO," all of us said in unison.

Xena was in the drivers seat, trying to put the key in the ignition but her hands were shaking too much. Liam was in the passanger seat, the rest of us in the back.

"I cannot get it!" She said frusteratedly.

"Switch me. You're too shaken up to drive anyways," Liam said, and they both popped their doors open and switched. Liam slid the keys in the ignition with ease, and we took off, speeding down the highway like a bat out of hell.

Niall's P.O.V.

We had reached the hospital in 10 minutes, Zayn had under estimated his driving skills. Kyra was taken behind closed doors on a stretcher. Zayn tried to lead me to a waiting room chair, but I didn't make it. I was on my knee's in the waiting room, letting tears flow freely. I had held them in when she collpased. When her eyes wouldn't open. When she wouldn't wake up in the car. But this time was all too much. I didn't bother to wipe them away. All I did was sit there as Zayn knelt beside me, rubbing my back gently.

"Please god, don't take her away from me," I whispered to no one in particular. I could only hope he was listening and would listen. Sure I had everything. Money, fans, fame, friends, family. But without Kyra...I had nothing without her. Because my life wasn't complete without her.

Liam's P.O.V

"Are we there yet?"

"How slow can you go?"

"We need to get there?"

"What do you think was wrong?"

All comment's that don't help a person trying to reach a destination in which one of your best friends girlfriends (which is also your best friend) is at a hospital, while trying to refrain from breaking the speed limit. The last thing I needed was to be pulled over and waste more time. I tried ot turn on the radio, but every song could relate in some way to the situation, so you can imagine how fast that was turned off.

I was thankful as ever when we ran into the waiting room as a group. However, we all stopped in the doorway when we saw Niall on the floor. Crying. I knew we were all thinking the same thing. We were all thinkiong...the worst had happened. Zayn saw us enter. He got up from Niall and came our way.

"S-s-s-she isn-isn't?" Amy asked, choking up as a hand flew to her mouth. I could see the girls, and even the other lads getting emotional. I had to admit, there were unshed tears at the back of my eyelids.

"No, she's alive. I think. They took her away, and we haven't recieved an update."

I think we all let out a small but of our held breaths. However, we couldn't let it all out. There was still a large rock on our lungs. No update could mean anything is happening. Good...or bad.

Niall's P.O.V.

"Don't take her. Don't take her," I repeated to myself as I sit there on the floor, rocking back and forth. How long had it been? I know the other's had arrived, but I couldn't look at their tired, sad eyes.

I wished there was a way to trade places with her right now, because I gladly would. I would take this blow, I would possibly die, if it meant she could live. If anyone came up to me right now and said that they could save her, I would give them anything. My money, my superstar stadus, even my life. Sadly, that kind of thing is called a miracle. And we don';t have many of those. So for now, I hold my arms tight against my chest, hoping they can stop myself from falling apart.

I continue to riock back and forth, saying her name over and over.


Taylor's P.O.V.

I've counted.

Four hours since we've arrived.

Four and a half hours since they got here.

Probably four hours and forty-five minutes since she actually fainted.


If that was only the extent of what happened.

How Amy, Harry, Louis, and Xena fell alseep I'll never know. I'm too high-strung to sleep. I didn't need sleep, I needed anwsers, Like now. But those doors stay shut, and the only noise is Niall's sniffing, and sick people coughing. My had my head rested on Liam's shoulder, and my hand was in his, gripping onto him tight.

Zayn is still trying to comfort Niall, or make sure that Niall doesn't faint himself...or go mad for that matter. I can see him rocking back in forth, back facing us. I can also see the puddle of tears he's created. I can hear each splash as it joins the others. He is whispering to himself, and I hope he's going to be alright, no matter what news comes out when those doors open. But somehow, I know that's not the case. I sigh and Liam says: "Don't worry babe, she's in good hands. Think postivie thoughts."

I smiled at his inthusiasm. but I prepare for the worst. A few moments later I had passed out, and felt arms wrap around my shoulders.

Liam's P.O.V.

I didn't like seeing her like this. Taylor. She has been through so much with Kyra, and her parents.

When she was only 15 she moved in with Kyra, because her parents were always fighting,yelling, and constantly reeling Taylor they regretted ever deciding on having her. On top of that she was bullied at school, a lot. Moving out was one of the hardest things for Taylor to do, because of her little sister. Camryn. She loved her with all of her heart, and was heart broken when she decided it was time for her to leave. They're like two peas in a pod, absolutely inseparable, or they were.

A few years after she moved out she decided to visit her sister. They went out to a movie, and dinner. After that they just hung out at the mall. It was late, and they were both tired. Taylor was driving home, talking, and singing with her sister like they always used to. When Taylor looked over at Cammy (nickname) all she saw was bright lights. Then boom. Camryn died at the age of 13. On her birthday. Taylor walked away without a scratch. Me and Taylor started dating earlier that year.

She was never always happy. I'm just glad that she had Kyra, and me to get through that. But of course she always had Kyra. Her and Taylor are stuck like glue, and I hope they always will be. Her world would be crushed if she was gone. And so would Niall's. Nothing good would come if Kyra left. No ones lives would improve, they would be crushed. I could only hope god was hearing Niall's prayers and telling Kyra hold on a bit longer.

Niall's POV

I saw her when the sun went down. She fainted before the sun could rise. Now that the sun had risen a couple of hours ago, it was like a slap in the face. I would give anything to sit with her, watch the sun rise with her head on my shoulder, arms around one another, like it should be.

If she died, I don't know how I would look at the sun anymore. Why should it rise when she can't? Why should others see it when she never would again? I didn't have to turn around to know I would find red faces, and sleeping faces. I would never sleep again, not until I knew the outcome of this long night.

That was when the doors opened, and a doctor stood before us.

Only I was awake, or he would have been bombarded by all of us at once.

"I-I-I-I-I-is sh-"

I felt like an idiot I couldn't even get words to come out. My voice was raspy from all the crying, and it sounded dry and strained for air. I bet there were still a few old tears, plus a couple new ones on my red face, my nose dripping like a faucet.

"She's alive."

I could have screamed. I could have squeezed that doctor to death. I could have fallen to my knees once more. I could have woken everybody up in my fit. But I kept everything down until I was sure she would be okay, and mine, perminatley.

"W-wh-what happened?"

"You might want to take a seat," the doc said.

We both took a seat and talked in hushed tones.

"You see, Kyra has had a couple of nasty things happen. A lot of damage to her brain. You see, the memory loss was only temporary, a cover up for long term effects that the other doctors didn't quite see."


"She has a brain tumor."




This cannot be happening.

"What does that mean for Kyra?"

"We had to preform surgery, which went suprisingly well. But, there was a portion we couldn't get. It won't get bigger, and it won't hurt her, but it does have some lasting effects."

"Like what exactley?"

I didn't ask because I was afraid of what I might have to deal with in the future. I asked because I was afraid of what I would have to let Kyra know. What we would have to face together. Notice the "together" part. It didn't matter what happened and what we might have to face long term. I made a promise that I wasn't going to let her go. That she wasn't going anywhere without me. I wasn't going to leave her, even if she wished for me not to see things. I was going to be there, for better or for worse, which was why wedding vows were made that way. For that reason. What we had couldn't even be described as true love, and you don't let something that precious slip away.

"She might have hallucinations once and a while. She might have night terror's still, which may lead to a bit of insomnia, but most of our patients have been able to get sleep eventually. Some time they may be violent so I'd watch out. As well, she might go in a out of reality for periods of time, like she is in a trance. This is common in a lot of brain cancer and brain tumors. She may not always feel like she is hungry, so make sure she still eats on a regular basis, because she won't always be able to recognise when she is hungry. A lot of patients don't have someone to look out for them and end up with anorexia. Her vision might pop out once in a while, as it may supress her visual fields, but this shouldn't last long term. Some more symtoms reported were sezures, headaches and minor personality changes."

Damn that was a long list. But it was to be expected. A brain tumor was a nasty bitch. But the word "together" popped up in my brain and there was only one thing I could think to ask.

"Can I see her?"

"You are again?"

"Niall, Niall Horan. I'm Kyra's boyfriend."

"Oh. I'm sorry my dear boy, but she isn't even awake yet and won't be for another couple hours. I'm afraid for the moment it is immediate family only."

This made me angry beyond belief. "Her family isn't here. They are hours away and I'm the closest thing she has!"

I could feel my voice getting raised, and I hoped I wouldn't wake the others.

"I'm sorry."

And he stood up and left. Just got up and left.


This was not it. I snuck over the elevator. If no one was going to help me, I was going ot find her myself.

One elevator, three flights of stairs and hundreds of rooms later, I found it.

The room was dark, the light would have burned her eyes if she awoke early. To remove the tumor, I saw the had to shave a bit of the under layers of her hair. At least she wasn't completely bald, she would have hated that. She still had hair from scalp till 3/4 down her head. Her eyes were closed, eyelashes heavy against her cheeks. Dark circles under them. I snuck into the room, knowing full well I shouldn't be there.

She had a couple of tubes and wires hooked up to her, and I pulled up a chair. I took her hand.

It was so cold.

I began to cry everything left in my system out at this point.

Her nails were blue with white polka dots. And I smiled. Her hands may be cold, but her hands were still her hands. I could feel them getting warmer, or maybe that was just my touch on hers, but I didn't care. I needed some ghost of me to be in there with her when I was kicked out. I looked at her, tears rushing down my face.


I had to collect myself before I said the next three words.

"Kyra...I love you."

I traced circles with my thumb on her hand, and stared at her. Her beauty was undenable. Her humor was indescribable. Her personality was not one to be replicated. There was no one like her.

"And I know you cannot hear me right now, but I just have to say it to you. Because right now, that heart monitor is steady, and you're alive, and I am sitting here, holding your hand and thinking of the bright tomorrow. Thanking god that you're still here, and we can make so many more memories together. And I am in love with you. I hope you are too. And I hope, you are going to wake up, and look at the positive, and all the stupid things I do that you're going to witness. Hell, later I might walk in and trip over my own to feet. But you'll be here, and I'm going to be thankful everyday that I get the chance to love you-"

"What are you doing in here?!"

Oops. I've been caught. I stood up, and kissed Kyra's forehead slowly before the nurse dragged me out and back downstairs.

And I was finally able to breathe, for the first time in hours. I ran my fingers through my blonde hair, and sat down, and laughed. Laughed off the stress I held in all day, and for the first time in hours, I no longer hated that sun. I ran outside for some fresh air, and welcomed it upon my skin. Hoping that was the first thing me and Kyra would do when she was discharged.

Louis P.O.V.

Niall came back in. He told us everything. Breathing in air had never felt so good. There may or ay not have been tears of joy. We all were hugging each other, thankful for the situation she was in. It could have been a lot worse, and even though there would still be long term effects, we were all sure we could handle it.

But we all wanted to see her. Badly.

It had been a day since Niall had snuck in, and we still weren't allowed in.

All of us, except me that is.

Since Kyra's parents were half way across the world on a trip, I was the closest immediate family.

She was awake now, but her eyes that had once held so much happiness, held...nothing. After the car accident, she still had hope. After the stairs, she still had dreams. Now...it was like she was just empty. But she hadn't cried, another reason she was no longer herself. The doctor said she might be slightly depressed.

Now we sat in silence. A brochure in my hand on post-op care, and her staring forewards. She scared me when she spoke.



"I can't do this to Niall."


"I cannot do this to all of you."

"Do what?"

"Do this to you all. I appreciate the fact that you have all done your best to help me through all of this, but it's too much. You've all been through so much, and now here I go again, piling on more. I cannot do this, I cannot put you all through this."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a burden-"

"No. Stop right there. We may not be a complete family, but you have 9 friends out there, ready for what ever life wants to throw us next. And we are completely prepared-"

"You shouldn't have to be-"

"But we are-"

"And that's not right. Louis, I'm leaving."

My motuh fell open. "Kyra...no-"

"You cannot change my mind Louis."

"To hell I cannot. He has done everything for you-'

"Who?" She asked.

"Niall. He has stayed by your bedside, he has always kept happy, he has never treated you differently, and this is how your going to repay him?"

"He deserves someone other than me. Someone who doesn't have a shortened life span, and conmplications he has to deal with. He deserves a life with someone normal-"

"He deserves the life he wants," I argued. "and that life is with you."

"I'm so sorry Louis, but it's the right thing to do. I have to keep you from me, from all the pain. Goodbye Louis."

"What do you mean goodbye?"

And she screamed. I tried to calm her down but she shut her eyes tight. Within minutes a nurse came in. She told me I was upsetting the patient and had to leave. I left, utterly confused.

We were all in the waiting room, but I didn't tell the others of what happened. The moon went down. The sun rose once again. We all slept, knowing she was okay was a huge relief. But when we awoke, the only thing on all of our minds was Kyra. Especially Niall's. He asked to go see her, and the nurse looked confused.

But this time we asked to see her there was a new anwser. Who knew it could take only take a couple of sentences to shatter our worlds.

"The patient in room 1021? She requested to leave last night. She left this for you," the nurse said.

I could have hit her, I really could have. But this...this wasn't her fault.

Why would Kyra request to leave? Why would she not tell us? Why did she go alone?

As the nurse handed a peice of crumpled paper to Niall, I saw his heart break into a million pieces. If I looked hard enough, I thought I could see them on the floor. But that was just his tears.

Authors Note

Okay so this is the end. Sadly. (Hands the ghost who are reading my story tissues jk) Kay sooooooo we are posting a sequel to this called ........

Keep Trying

Great right !? Haha jk I really hope that you guys liked this story and will read the next one. Please comment and tell me what you thought about it and some stuff that you would like to see in the upcoming story.

Thank you for reading me story ! And I hope to see you all in the next story.

Byyyyyeeeee. :)

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