the gun didn't work out

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  • Published: 9 Jun 2014
  • Updated: 29 Nov 2014
  • Status: Complete
So if you're reading this, you've found yourself a life story, mine to be exact. Don't be too shocked by what you read, others probably have it worse, but I do want to mention that suicide never the solution is. Unfortunately for me, there was no one to tell me this until after the gun didn't work out, so I had learnt it the hard way.


2. what happened to cause this (part one)

Bullied, that's the easiest way to say it. But I guess there's a need to explain it a little further.

Everything basically started when I was in middle school. There'd been a girl I had always hated, Shelly, I hated her and still do. If I could reverse time I would have just punched her right on her ugly nose the first time I saw her.

Anyways I'm trailing off from the topic again. When I was little she made sure that I would feel less than her every day again and again. It started with words, always smart mouthing me and saying that I was fat and stupid. I was 6 when that begun and couldn't really understand why she would say things that weren't true.

After we grew older she started putting my friends, the parents and even the teachers against me. She would lie and twist all my words around to make her seem like the victim when in fact I never hurt a fly in my life! Eventually in the last week of middle school I couldn't take it anymore and snapped. 

She had been hitting, kicking, insulting and lying about me for three years already, and when she raised her hand at me again, I grabbed it and broke her fingers. She cried on the ground and I just stared at her. Parents and teachers came rushing in, rumors had reached to the point to where they said that I had kicked her and stepped on her hand laughing while her fingers broke beneath my feet.

The next day she came to school with her hand bandaged, I had to apologize with my parents but my father was in New-Zealand at the time and my mother was somewhere in France. I had my brother but he was just two years older than me. Our aunt looked after us, or let's rephrase that she gave us food (deep freeze pizza) and drinks (beer, tap water or nothing) and told us to shut up. Again trailing off, in the end I apologized by myself and that was the end of my middle school. 

I started high school with a fresh start, or at least that was what I was hoping for. Guess who decided to torture me for another 5 years? That's right, Shelly. I decided to act like I didn't know her, but that didn't work out like I planned.

On the first day of school she decided that it was fun to remind me of my insecure self. We stood in our classroom, (that's right we were in the same class!) we were introducing ourselves and it was my turn, I just said my name and age and sat down. The teacher asked if there were any questions for me, and I could just feel it all going to hell. Shelly raised her hand and immediately spoiled my fresh start.

"Have you forgotten about my hand? It didn't heal well so they had to break it again, you know.'' Of course the whole class was just staring at me in confusion so she continued.

"Remember when you hit me that day?'', But I couldn't take it, not again. I got mad and basically screamed through the class that she was a liar.

''I did not you fucking asshole! You were the one who used me as your punching bag for 5 years!'', It was like watching a tennis match and the eyes of the class shifted from my face to Shelly's.

She had turned slightly pink but quickly recovered her ''cool'' demeanor. She wanted to talk back at me and opened her mouth, but the teacher interfered. She told us to cool our heads and were send to the hall. She snickered and stood up, I was furious, how dare she lie like that and completely ruin my one chance of a new start.

We walked out of the classroom in silence, but once the door was closed Shelly came closer to me. She stared right into my eyes and made me a promise I never forgot.

"I will make it my mission to ruin your life, every miserable part of it. Actually why don't you just die and make it so much easier for yourself?'', I just went blank, hell what should I have said back?

I was completely shocked, but I quickly snapped out of it when Shelly started to scream and she fell to the ground. I was startled and before I could realize what she was doing, the teacher came storming out of the classroom with our whole class behind her.

She saw what seemed like a hurt Shelly and clearly thought that I was the bad guy, they always do. I had gotten detention for a week, I didn't mind that but apparently word had gotten around that I was some violent psychopath who will kill you if you look at me wrong and that resulted into me being shunned by everyone, again.

When I think back at it now I still don't know why Shelly hated me so much, she had everything I didn't have. A loving family, a big house, lots of money. Sure she could have been prettier with her big braces and pimple filled face, but that's just a case of puberty. But I guess I'll never know.


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