the gun didn't work out

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  • Published: 9 Jun 2014
  • Updated: 29 Nov 2014
  • Status: Complete
So if you're reading this, you've found yourself a life story, mine to be exact. Don't be too shocked by what you read, others probably have it worse, but I do want to mention that suicide never the solution is. Unfortunately for me, there was no one to tell me this until after the gun didn't work out, so I had learnt it the hard way.


6. awesome days, or not

I was discharged of the hospital and in the car with M and her father. It was a quiet ride, but not an uncomfortable silence. We arrived at a big house, it had white walls and a well kept front yard with a little stone path that led to two huge wooden doors.

Wow that was a big difference to my shabby run down house, our paint had fallen off, our grass was dead, the doors were rotten and it was about half the size of this house. M saw me staring and got a little uncomfortable, I noticed it too and quickly pretended that my shoes were the most interesting things in the world.

Her father opened the big doors and we walked inside, a cool and fragrant smell gently hit my face. This felt so different from my house, there were no bad memories or foul odors hanging around. This house felt cozy and inviting.

We were still standing in the door opening when a tall woman came to meet us, she had brown shoulder length hair and green eyes. She had some lines under her eyes but that only added to her perfect mother face. She was wearing a black skirt with black high heels and an flowery blouse with an apron and a bowl of some vanilla mixture in her hands. 

She looked at us three one by one, then let her gaze rest on me. Now you must understand that I don't really trust older woman anymore, my aunt, my mother and other people I trusted all abandoned me in one way or the other. I looked at her with a hint of doubt and scooted a little further behind M's back. The woman smiled kindly at me and asked to talk to the father of M. We let them talk and M took my hand to drag me upstairs, I flinched at her sudden touch. I think she noticed, because she looked worried but took my hand anyway.

We were in her room when she started to rummage trough all kinds of drawers and closets, when curiosity finally got the best of me I asked her what she was doing.

''Well obviously, since you're staying with me I should give you some clothes and pajama's and a bed, maybe some toilet stuff like a tooth brush and a comb.'', I grew bright red and immediately started stuttering and protesting.

''No no, t-that's okay. R-really, I-I don't want to t-trouble you!'', she just shrugged it off and went to the room next door when she came back she looked at me in thought and eventually spoke up.

''You like metal music right? So BVB or PTV?'', I was a bit overwhelmed and answered Black Veil Brides, she grinned and quickly disappeared in the other room again.

About 3 minutes later she came in with all kinds of shirts and bracelets from BVB and PTV as well. My eyes were about to pop, where did she get those? I looked up to saw M grinning smugly.

''For you! They were my bro's but he's away with the army anyway so I don't think he'll mind.'', tears welled up from my eyes,

''T-t-thank you..'', she pointed the bathroom to me and told me that I could take a shower and change in there.

Around 40 minutes later we were both washed and wearing band-shirts. We were full on singing along to all time low's the reckless and the brave. When the song ended we both broke out in laughter. 

 We suddenly heard the woman shouting and I flinched. I don't really like people yelling or shouting. M reassured me, ''It's a big house so we have to shout a bit for everyone to hear each other.'', I blushed a bit for being so jumpy. 

We got up and headed downstairs. We walked into the living room and a delicious sight unfolded before my eyes, M's father walking in the room with a plate full of sausages and delicious steaming potatoes, on the table were all kinds of different dishes. I never noticed how hungry I was until now.

It does make sense I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday morning. The woman chuckled when she saw my big hungry eyes and practically drooling open mouth ''well are you staying there or are you joining us?'', I snapped out of my trance, blushed a bit and sat down next to M.

I wanted to taste everything! Luckily there was more than enough and the woman, probably M's mother, father and M all seemed to enjoy my company. Or at least seeing me stuff my face with the delicious food the lady had prepared. I believe I looked a bit like a mad squirrel just stuffing my cheeks with potatoes, sausages and delicious veggie's, because M's father eventually told me to slow down and actually chew my food.

We all had a nice evening and when we were full and fed M and me went upstairs and her parents stayed to clean up. We were lying in our beds, this afternoon had been so perfect I wish this would last forever, but unfortunately tomorrow I had to go back "home''. Apparently I said that out loud because M turned around and looked at me (I think, it was dark so I couldn't be sure). ''You can stay here as long as you want, you know? I don't mind and my parents like you as well.'',

I felt so sad, of course I couldn't stay. At least it's weekend tomorrow so I don't have to go to school, but when Monday comes I'll have to go home to get my stuff. And if I go home I'll have to tell auntie what happened.... crap, auntie!

I suddenly was frantically searching for my phone, when I finally found it I checked the messages. Three messages from auntie ''Where are you? Come home now.'' , ''You're in trouble, come home now if you don't want the shit beaten out of you.'', and the last message was just two words but the most horrible and terrifying of them all: ''You're dead.''.

I'll die, I will. M took the phone out of my hands and read the texts, she smiled weakly and said ''She doesn't mean it, right?'',

Oh she is all too serious, before I knew it tears were rushing down my eyes and I was balling my eyes out. M quickly hugged me and patted my head while reassuring that nothing would happen, she was with me and she would help and protect me. She was my best friend, in fact she was my only friend. She somehow managed to get me calm and slept next to me that night. I'd figure things out in the morning.

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