Broken Like I Am *Sequel to TMAIA*

I don't think I have ever cried this hard in my life.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so so so sorry," I cry and hold his hand.

"I'm done, Cammy. I can't do this anymore," he tells me and leaves me crying.

"Please. I'm sorry. So sorry," I whisper as I cry.

*This the sequel to Take Me As I Am. Please read that story first before you read this one. Thank you. :)*

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16. Promise

Cammy's POV-

We just landed in New York. I'm so excited. We pick up our bags out of the luggage claim, then go to the car rental area and rent a convertible. Yes a convertible. I've never road in a convertible, so I'm really excited.

"So I was thinking we can go to the hotel, chill, maybe nap and then we can take a drive and get dinner. Does that sound good?" he asks me.

"Yes, very," I smile at him.

"Good. Oh and we're only spending about two days in New York. Then we're going somewhere else," he says.

"Where?" I ask him.

"It's a surprise!" he says. I sigh and let him keep his secrets.

 

When we get to the hotel, he checks us in, then we head up to our room. I really have no clue what to expect. I mean I don't if he would go all out and get a nice room or just get a simple one. To be honest though, I would sleep on a park bench as long as Matt was with me.

He puts the key in the door and opens it up. We walk in and I see that it's exactly what I wanted. There's a king sized bed with a mini kitchen. Then we walk into the bathroom to see a Jacuzzi.

"Is this okay?" he asks.

"Perfect," I smile at him.

"Good," he says.

"Do you want to get in the Jacuzzi?" I ask him. Woah slow down there, Cammy. Don't want to sound desperate.

"I thought you would never ask," he says.

"Uh, do you mind if we maybe wear bathing suits? I mean it's not that I don't trus-" I say, but he interrupts me.

"I understand sweetheart. I'm completely okay with that," he says and gently kisses my forehead. We get our bathing suits out and he changes in the bathroom while I change in the room.

I knock to make sure he's ready. He opens the door and I swear I almost die. I still get weak at the knees when I see him shirtless. I run into his arms and I feel him smile in the crook of my neck.

"Ready?" he asks. I look and see that he put heated water in the tub and rose pedals floating in it.

"Now that's romantic," I smile at him. He returns it back to me. He holds my hand to help me get in. The water feels so nice. I sit down and leave room for him to sit next to me. He dims the lights and then comes in.

"I thought this would be a good way to start our trip," he smiles at me. Then he grabs his phone and turns on some music. It happens to be Am I Wrong by Nico and Vinz. I love this song.

"It is," I say. He pulls me closer and puts his arm around my shoulders. I wrap my arms around his torso and lay my head on his shoulder.

"You know what I was telling you about a few months ago?" he asks me. I think I know, but I don't want to say it and then have him tell me it wasn't what he was thinking.

"I'm not sure. Remind me?" I ask.

"About me drinking, smoking and doing drugs," he says. I was right.

"Yeah. What about it?" I say and feel like we just went from zero to sixty in about thirty seconds.

"Well I was thinking about it and I feel like I should've explained it better to you," he says.

"Babe, you really don't have to," I say and look at him.

"No, I need to," he says and he looks serious.

"Okay," I say and lay my head back on his shoulder.

"I was not in a good state of mind a few months ago. Every night I would get high or drunk or both and I would hand out with the wrong kind of people. I did bad things that I regret," he starts.

I stiffen at what he is saying. He said it was only a few months ago. He could easily get back into bad habits. And also the thought of him doing all of these things scares me. I've never been around this before and I don't want to start now.

"No, babe, please don't worry. I'm really working on it," he says. I let go of him and lean my head on the wall behind me.

"It's scary," I say to him.

"I know. I really do. I'm trying to stop. I'm trying to stop because of you," he says.

"Why did you do that stuff?" I ask and look him in the eyes. His eyes are full of sorrow and fear. I can see it.

"Because everyone told me it was cool. They told me I could hang out with them and I would be popular. Well it just made me worse," he says.

"Please don't do it any of it again. I care way too much about you to loose you," I say as tears well up in my eyes and a lump in my throat forms.

"Don't cry, beautiful. Please don't. It's okay. I promise I won't," he says. I trust his promise. I just don't know how true he'll stick to it.

"Okay," I say to him. He smiles and pulls me into his arms.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too," I respond.

 

We're now on our way to dinner. We agreed we want it to be a low key dinner. No need to go all fancy. Things are still a little awkward between us since our conversation with his problems. I can't help but feel on edge. I know for a fact that he is going to do those things again and I don't want it to be anytime soon. I don't think if I can handle seeing him in that state.

"Babe, are you okay?" he asks me.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lie.

"You're a bad liar," he says to me and grabs my hand.

"I'm scared! I know you're going to do it again. I know it. I don't want to be around when you do," I say.

"I promised you I won't," he says.

"I trust you and love you. You know that. But I can't believe that promise. I'm sorry," I say.

"Well then I'll just have to prove to you that I'll keep the promise," he says and we look at each other. I look away, trying not to show him the tears in my eyes. He sighs and pulls his hand away from mine. I put my face in my hands and lean my elbows on my knees.

I don't know why I'm taking this so hard, but I am. I think the fact that he knows he wants to do those things again, but he's trying to promise to me he won't do it again, is what bothers me.

He pulls into a parking lot and puts up the top to the convertible so no one can see us. I begin to bawl in my hands.

"Babe," he says and puts his hand on my back and turns his body to me.

"I know you're going to do it again! I know it! You might as well just go get some now and do it right in front of me!" I scream while I cry.

"Cammy, hey, calm down," he says and pulls me into his arms. I sob into his shirt.

"You're killing me," I say to him.

"Beautiful, you're killing me," he says.

"How?" I ask and look in his eyes.

"I hate to see I'm causing you this much pain," he says.

"I hate to see that you're causing yourself pain," I say to him.

"How am I doing that?" he asks.

"Every time you get high or drunk or smoke, you're damaging your body. I don't want you to do that," I say.

"I'm trying to stop. I'm trying for you," he says and puts his head on mine.

"I don't know what I would do if I lost you," I say.

"You won't. I can promise that," he says. 

Now that's a promise I can believe.

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