Waking up is hard

Short blerbs (if that is even a word) from a average teenager's life. Problems with school, identity and everything else that might follow. To sort your feelings out, all you can do is write about them, because there will always be someone with the same problems. The tricky part is finding them.
ps.... My name isn't Amy.


1. 1. Waking up is hard

Hey I’m Amy and I would like to tell you a short story about my life. I have always wanted to be a writer, and thought that this was the perfect time to start. My life has been very sheltered for a while and I haven’t really talked to any other humans for a long time. Longer than I will admit to anyone. This is exactly why I seized this opportunity during a moment of inspiration and kept my head from telling me the wiser. So as a kid I always wanted to be a writer. It was my big dream, and there was no way that, that dream was not going to become reality. “I am going to be the new J. K. Rolling!”. Yeah right kiddo, keep dreaming. So of course when asked in ninth grade econ-course what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said writer. Big mistake! I should really have known better. When would anybody ever give direct consent to a creative lifestyle? Everybody is scared of it, and rightfully so. The life of a writer is hard and far from safe. But how is that their decision? Anyway, I was shot down in ninth grade and stopped writing all together. I guess I felt completely alone, which just shows how weak I am when it comes to my dreams. One old conservative douche tells me that I can’t do it, and suddenly the entire world has collapsed on top of me. I use to write whole books in a  single month, trying to become a better writer, but that all stopped and now I am just lost. I haven’t really written for about three years, and keep using the same excuses “I am rusty” “I won’t ever be able to write anything as good as Harry Potter”. Well recently I turned eighteen and this is the time of my life where I should at least start considering what I want to do with my life. With this in mind I started thinking of jobs that would make me happy. I am currently studying mathematics and physics in gymnasium, because, well I am good at it. I am in the top third in my class,  (not bragging, just simply stating the facts) and even though I might be born with some talent, it is mostly hard work. However, I am constantly painfully aware, that all this will be taken away from me at some point. And I have started to wonder if this is actually what I want to be doing with my life. Do I actually want to be an engineer? Or a biochemist? Or is there something else, way deep inside me that I just haven’t realized exists? Well, this is why I am writing this. To figure all this out. Do I want to be a writer? Who the hell knows, but I will defiantly try. Do I want to be a computer programmer? Yes I might only know how to draw a circle, but that is not the question. Am I engaged enough to use my free time to learn about this specific skill? Or the last and most dangerous ideas that I have hidden in the back of my mind, as long as I remember. An idea that is even worse than being a writer. A job which I love, but I know there is no future in.

I am brutally aware that there are better writers out there. People who stay up that extra hour to finish writing, or who use all their spare time, on completing the perfect plot twist. But one thing is for sure. If there is one thing I won’t be doing, it’s slacking off. I will not look back on my youth, just to say: “What if I had done…” Or “If I just hadn’t given up on…” I will work my very hardest to become the person that I want to be, and to make sure, that when I finally graduate in 2 years, that I will be making the right decision. I need to make sure that I sign up for the right life for me, and become invested in a project that I won’t mind staying up all night to finish. I want to love my job, and hopefully this will be a start of that journey. I feel like this has been my final wake up call. The big difference this time, is that I was willing to listen. 

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