Broken: Inside and Out



7. 7

It had been a few weeks of me being clean. Everything was going great. I was on the phone with my friend BreAnna when I got a text from Cody saying "Hey, can you call me? Make sure you're alone..." Hmm that's kinda weird. "Hey Bre? Cody wants me to call him, can I call you back?" she makes a laughing noise "Ooooh okay. Don't be too long!" "Haha alright." I hang up. I go to dial Cody and he picks up on the third ring. "Hello?" he sounds really sad.

Me: "Hey, what did you want to talk about? And why did I have to be alone?"

Him: "Well, umm... There's no really easy way to say this.."

My heart starts thumping so loud I can hear it in my ears. What's going on? Is he breaking up with me? Did he cheat on me?

Me: "What is it?"

Him: "Brianna, you know I love you. But, I think we need a break. I'm sorry." What the fuck.

Me: "Wait what do you mean?"

Him: "I just think that we need a break from each other..." his voice cracked on the word "Break". It was silent. My hands started shaking and I sank down my bedroom wall. "Oh, well, alright. That's okay. I understand." I was trying to hold all the tears back. "I'm really sorry Brianna...." "I said it's fine!" oh god I sounded like a bitch. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. Just, stop apologizing okay?" "Alright. Well... Um... I'll talk to you tomorrow, maybe?" "Okay sure. I guess." and I hung up. My head was spinning. What was that all about? I could feel tears brimming the corners of my eyes. My hands were shaking so bad I could hardly dial BreAnna. "Hello? Love? Are you okay?" I was making whimpering noises and my nose was running. "B-B-Breee.... C-Cody and I-I-I broke up!!" and then came the waterfall. I couldn't hold my tears in any longer. "What?! What did he say to you? I'm gonna beat his fucking ass!" I had no idea what to feel.. I told Bre thank you and that I was glad she was helping me, told her I was going to bed, and hung up. But, I didn't go to bed. I went to my dresser, opened the top drawer and dug out my razor blades. Then, I couldn't stop. I started on my left arm, and cut so deep I was getting light-headed. I continued with this until I had cuts wrapped around my arm like bracelets. After that, I passed out.

I woke up the next day and was terrified what my arms looked like. Blood caked my arms, they burned and itched so bad. What happened? Then it all came rushing back. The text, the phone calls, then it got fuzzy and I couldn't remember anything past that.

After awhile I got used to being single, and I started talking to this guy I knew, his name was Ethan. I just met him that year and I had a crush on him.. and later I found out he liked me too. Anyways, one night him and I were texting, then I got a text from Cody saying "Brianna? Will you go out with me again?" I was actually happy to see that text, so I quickly responded with "Oh, umm yeah(:" But things would turn for the worse.

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