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  • Published: 14 Jan 2014
  • Updated: 14 Jan 2014
  • Status: Complete
For Kyle.




You had a map of constellations in your eyes

A smattering of blue and Europa sat in your irises

And I was one of our teacher’s pupils that you viewed

As a goddess sort of like Aphrodite but not quite

I wore my hair up for the first week that you saw me

And self-consciously twiddled my fingers and always

Answered first to questions like ‘what is poetry?’

But what you didn’t know about me was that World War Three

Was raging a tempest and a whirlwind, a cacophony of sound and color in my head

That I inked on paper and wrote in pen and inscribed across pages while in my bed

I constantly dreamed of the imploding galaxies inside your eyes and your mind

Filled with historical facts that I desperately lacked and the realization that you

Were not perfect because one time as a teen you had taken some weed

But that’s okay because I saw you and what I’d seen was something raw

And pulsing and vulnerable and I wanted the smattering of stars and galaxies

Of your leaders and your Shaka Zulu and I wanted to kiss the cosmos in you

With my sun and meld into you and breathe what you breathed

And I’m sorry that I said what I said and I shot what could’ve been dead

And I pierced it with an arrow of emotion like I always do and always did

It wasn’t me it was all in my head I’m bipolar you see and I wanted to tell you

What it does to me and to write it in free verse but what’s coming out

Instead is how much I wanted to live in your head and store my bits of myself

In your cabinets and place them like cups and bowls of porcelain gingerly atop each other

I wanted to be your lover, your mom, the woman you admired and loved

But instead now you loathe and cut me off and Gods above it hurts my soul

Something deep, the wisps and remnants of me are bleeding raw all because of what I said

And what I did your name fits into my mouth and into my cerebellum perfectly

Like the puzzle piece I was searching for an eternity to find

And I clasp my hands and pray that you’ll respond to the message I sent to you

Yesterday because when I dream it’s of you and your name, Kyle and the way it fits in my mouth

And the way your hands fit inside the space between your fingers and the way your mouth

Breathed an entire cosmos of knowledge into my brain and into the surface of my mind

And I hadn’t cried so hard and hadn’t tried to hold back so much until I met you in May

I left my happiness inside the corners of your mouth that day and you lay

Your sadness and your hurt like chipped glass in an open wound inside of my heart

And I’m trying to figure out why we’re apart

All I want to do is call you, all I want to do is tell you the truth that I’m in love with the way you speak

Like your voice is August and your eyes are summer and your mouth is spring like rain falling on

my skin

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